This Is What Strong Feels Like

This morning I ran my 2nd Angel Kisses 5K in Chantilly, VA. My favorite thing about this race is that it's just over 2 miles from my house-- 2.3 miles to be exact. The perfect distance for a warm up and cool down. No worrying about parking, traffic, getting there an hour early, etc. Just a nice jog to the start line from my house and a nice jog back afterwards.

Greg and I had been doing our long run a few years ago and noticed the race taking place, so we decided to run it last year for the first time. And now, we're hooked!

I knew that I wasn't in the best shape physically going into this race. I had only done about 3 speed workouts in the past two months, and that's if you include the Cherry Blossom 10-miler as a workout! Everything else was easy running and low mileage as I felt like my body was asking for a break. The plan is to keep things light and easy for the rest of May and then start packing on the miles in June.

I did want to be prepared for this race, though, so I had done some hill sprints on one of the course's larger hills. On Tuesday of this week and Tuesday of last week, I had run to the race course and done some sprints up the hill. I told myself that I would NOT be running the hill as quickly as these sprints during the race, and the point of these sprints was to make the hill seem more manageable during the race.

Before the Race
Things  have calmed down for me a bit since the blow-up at the Nike Women's Half marathon and I've been sleeping well lately. Going into the race I felt rested, energized, well-hydrated, and relaxed.

We left our house at about 7:20 for the 8:00 start. Greg has been battling a foot injury-- which we think is a strained ligament. He hasn't run in four weeks, and was hoping that today he'd feel good enough to do the 5K. But unfortunately, the jog to the race aggravated his foot, and now it hurts more than it did previously. Instead, he played the role of cheerleader/photographer.

When we got to the race, I was pleasantly surprised to find Linda and Kathy there, who I pool run with regularly. Both of them would be running with their kids in celebration of Mother's day. One of my teammates, Liz, was also there, so it was nice to be surrounded by a group of runners I was friends with.

My strategy was to take the first hill (which measured 0.3 mile when I was doing the sprints) easy. To not get pulled out by all the little kids. And then gun it on the downhill afterwards. I was not going to look at the Garmin until after the race was over-- just like last year.

My time from last year was 22:24, which was good for first place in my age group (30-39). Given that today was windy and I wasn't in as good of shape as I was last year, I thought that my chances of beating it were slim. But I wanted to come close! After seeing Liz, I knew that she would end up taking the 30-39 win, so my hope was to come in second.

Mile 1: 7:06
I really tried to hold back on this hill, but I probably didn't hold back as much as I should have. Lots of little kids shot out at a fast pace and probably took me with them. I focused on my form and remembering that

The end of Mile 1

this should feel easier then all the sprints I did. The entire first mile is a loop, so I also focused on staying as close to the inside as possible. After getting to the top of the hill, it was time for the long downhill. I knew Greg would be there with his camera, and it was nice to have him cheering for me as I passed.

Mile 2: 7:20
More hills, which I expected. During this mile, I was really gaining on this one woman, who I remembered from last year. I remember that last year, she was significantly ahead of me, so I was excited to be catching up with her. When we reached mile marker three, we were neck-and-neck. The mile hurt a lot, as is typical in a 5K. I developed a new mantra on the spot "this is what strong feels like". I was working so hard and everything just hurt to be exerting that kind of effort, but I refused to back off and kept thinking "this is what strong feels like." Pushing through the pain- demanding that my body give everything that it possibly can for just over 20 minutes.

Mile 3: 7:26
That woman got ahead of me again and I had her in my sights for the rest of the race, but I couldn't catch her. She looked extremely fit. Very toned, very strong and I actually was surprised that I was even in her league. I knew she wasn't in my age group, so I wasn't extremely motivated to beat her-- I just wanted to keep her close. This is where the wind really got me, and all the other runners I talked to afterwards. There was a long straightaway directly into a headwind, and of course, up a hill. It was like a losing battle going up the hill and fighting the wind. I remember how hard that last hill was last year without the wind. This was grueling, but I pushed forward. This is what strong feels like!!! If this mile didn't have a nice downhill finish, I probably would have averaged way slower. According to my Garmin data, I was running about an 8:15 up that hill into the wind, but then once the downhill came, I was in the 6:20's.

Last 0.1: This is what strong looks like!

Last 0.14: (6:14 pace)
Once the finish line was in sight, I focused on it and ran as fast as I could to it. I saw the clock as I was coming through and was slightly disappointed. I realized that I didn't beat last year's time even though I had given it my all. I didn't let it bother me, though. I knew I gave 100% and that the wind was truly a force to reckon with.

I finished in a time of 22:46. This was 22 seconds slower than last year, but still good for second place in my age group.

After the Race
Liz and I ran about a mile cool down and then we met back up with Greg and our other friends. The food at this race is really good-- fresh muffins and bagels and cookies! Greg had downloaded this special app for his phone that allowed him to take like 20 photos per second, so he showed me what he had taken.

I was pretty sure I came in second in my age group, and that was confirmed once the awards started. My friend Linda won her age group too! I ended up with a $15 gift certificate to a local running store. Greg and I  started walking back to our house when he told me he didn't think he'd be able to run at all. I ran home, got the car, and then picked him up. :-( I feel so badly for him.

Key Takeaways

• I gave 100% effort during this race, which is always the best you can hope for
• It was nice not looking at my Garmin during the race, and it turns out that my pacing was similar to last year (6:58, 7:17, 7:18). 
• I think the wind probably took about 10-15 seconds off of my time
• I was very happy with my AG award
• This course is pretty hilly- definitely not a course a PR on.
• I really loved that Kathy, Liz and Linda were all there. It was great to have that camaraderie and it was really nice to cool down with Liz.
• I will plan on making this race an annual tradition- the best part is getting to run to and from the start line!

As I said above, I am still in "break" mode for the next two weeks and then I will start ramping up again. I'll probably run some more 5Ks in the next month or so, but I am not sure which ones.

Elizabeth's dominate the 30-39 bracket!

Spring 2013: Season in Review

After the Nike Women's half marathon last week, I consider spring racing season over. I spent the winter months building up mileage, putting in the weekly tempos and intervals, and then I backed off the training to taper/recover for my spring races.

I had my most successful training cycle ever and as a result, became faster than I had ever been previously. The lack of injuries and relatively tame weather enabled me to consistently complete workouts. About 90% of my runs went well, or even exceeded expectations and there was only a small percentage where I felt "off". For the runs that didn't go well, I brushed them off and was feeling good within days. I saw paces on my track workouts, tempo runs and long runs that I had never seen before, while not "racing" the workouts- but doing them within the prescribed range and heart rate zone. I peaked in early February and then tackled an aggressive race schedule.

January: Disney World Half Marathon

Cherry Blossom 10-Miler

February: Love Rox Half Marathon

March: Bright Beginnings 5K

March: B&A Trail Marathon

April: Cherry Blossom 10-Miler

April: Nike Women's Half Marathon 

For each month from January through April, I raced a half marathon distance or longer. I can see now that I wore myself out, which is why by the time Nike and Cherry Blossom arrived, I didn't have much left. 

I backed off my training quite a bit in March and April, but I don't think I allowed myself enough time to recover post-marathon. I figured that since I wasn't sore, I could run and not get injured. But recovering from a marathon isn't just about your legs-- it's a whole-body thing, and I wasn't aware of how much I exerted myself during that race since my average race pace was my "easy" pace. I saw it as a 26-mile run at easy pace, something that should only take 3-4 days to recover from. I think my legs saw it that way, but my system as a whole didn't see it that way!

There are many angles from which I can review this racing season. I've been working very hard to look at it in a positive light, to value my hard work and training and to feel accomplished that I gave 100% of myself at each of these races. 

It can be a struggle, though. I am not naturally inclined to be process-focused-- I am naturally inclined to look at my race times and see failure. As I try to have a more positive outlook on my racing, I sometimes find my demons fighting back at me. Avoidance is not a strategy and if I try to ignore the negativity, I think it will ultimately bubble up in some other form later on down the line.

In the spirit of non-avoidance, here are the "demons" that I am battling:

• Even though I was in the best shape of my life, I only got one PR.
• The marathon PR I got was nice, but I still didn't perform to my full physical capacity.
• All that fantastic training, and nothing to show for it.
• My teammates and running friends are all setting PRs and improving. I am not.

This is me-- looking for failure and finding it. I know that thinking about my racing season in this light will only set me up for failure in the future because it's killing my confidence. I would do better to think about each of the bullet points this way:

• My one PR was the marathon, which was the "goal race" that all the training was geared for. The other races were not target races.
• The marathon PR was very significant because I hadn't PRed that distance in 4 years. I had been struggling with anxiety and DNFing. I finished this race strong and worked hard to deal with my race anxiety. It's unrealistic to expect that after years of anxiety-ridden races, I am just going to break out of it suddenly with a 3:30. My mental abilities still need to catch up with my physical abilities and I am showing progress.
• I didn't do the training to have "something to show for it". I know that I worked hard in my training. I know that I consistently got faster as the weeks went by. I had mono for most of last summer and it a lot of patience, focus and dedication to get back to my previous level of fitness, and even exceed it. This training cycle has given me the confidence to do even more with the next training cycle.
• Some of these teammates and running friends haven't been running as long as I have, so they have more room for improvement relative to their natural ability. Also, most of them didn't have the same aggressive race schedule that I did and allowed for more taper/recovery between races.

Looking at specific races, here is the way I should be thinking about them.

The Disney Half Marathon was warm and humid. I've never run a half marathon that quickly in hot/humid conditions. So I would consider it a "warm PR".

The Love Rox Half Marathon was a PR for all intents and purposes. I can't officially claim it because the course was actually 13.45 miles and there were 6 large staircases to run up throughout the race. I've never

Bright Beginnings 5K

run 13.45 miles including staircases that quickly, so yes, it's a PR.

The Bright Beginnings 5K was windy and I had just returned from a business trip from Chicago the night before. It was my second faster 5K ever, which is pretty good considering how windy it was and how "off" I felt.

The B&A Trail Marathon was a huge step forward for me. It was the first marathon I had completed in 5 years that felt good at the end.

The Cherry Blossom 10-miler was extremely close to my PR, and had it not been for the wind (which we didn't have last year), I am confident I would have PRed. I went into the race feeling tired and run-down, so my performance was particularly strong given those conditions.

The Nike Women's Half marathon was the only race where I didn't perform well, and it wasn't for lack of trying. I went into it with only two hours of sleep the night before and very little sleep for the week leading up to the race. I didn't quit and I continued to push when things got hard.

Whenever my mind starts to wander to the first set of bullets, I will remind myself of the second set of bullets.  I don't want to avoid or ignore my feelings- I want to face them head on and fight against the urge to be disappointed in how this season turned out.

Up next, I have some short races to practice speed, and then onto summer training where I hope to be averaging 60 mile weeks and peaking at around 65.

Inaugural Nike Women's Half Marathon in DC

I'm going to start this blog with a key lesson learned: there is no correlation between race performance and race organization/management.

I was seriously impressed with the organization of the inaugural Nike Women's Half Marathon in DC this morning. Everything went as smoothly as you could possibly imagine. Most inaugural races have noticeable hiccups, especially larger ones. But after years of experience with the San Francisco race, Nike has it down and gets an A+ for race management and organization. Well-established races that have been put on in DC for years (Army Ten Miler, Cherry Blossom Ten Miler, Marine Corps Marathon) cannot compete with how well executed both the expo and the race were.

I have to admit I was skeptical. Having an expo on the Georgetown waterfront where there is very limited parking and no metro seemed like a bad idea. They didn't even have a real web site. Just a Facebook page. Their corral system seemed awkward in that 3/8 of the corrals were reserved for runners faster than a 7:30 pace. But every step of the way, I was pleasantly surprised. This was probably the best organized race I have ever run. And I've run over 75 races. If only stellar organization made for stellar performances! Even though Nike made it very easy for runners to run well, my body was not up to the task.

By contrast, I think of the Love Rox half marathon that I ran in February. Everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong-- Nobody was directing the leaders on where to run, the course was mis-measured, a defunct timing system failed to time many runners, a narrow course for half marathoners to pass 10K runners presented a safety hazard, there were six large staircases to run up and down, and the list goes on and on. Oh yeah, and it was 37 degrees with wet snow. And yet, I killed it! Despite all of that- I ran a 1:43:xx for a course that was actually 13.5 miles.

When comparing the two races, I can instantly see that my performance is not related to how well the race is organized. We all want to run well-managed races, no question. But if I race doesn't have its act together, I doesn't mean that I can't. And vice versa!

The Expotique
Nike calls their Expo an "Expotique" in that it is tailored to women. You can get your hair and makeup done,

The course route is highlighted over a map of the city

and the theme is all about celebrating the strength and power of women. I got there right when it opened at 8:00am on Saturday to avoid crowds. I parked easily, waited in a short line, got my number and headed for the expotique. The energy there was contagious. Not only was it a unique expo in terms of the vendors and what was offered, but all the staff were so extremely welcoming and all the runners were so excited. I kept hearing choruses of "woo" everywhere and everyone was so extremely hyped up about this race. It was a really unique vibe that I hadn't experienced at any other expo.

At first, I didn't understand what the big deal was about an all-women's race. I didn't get why so many women had their heart set on running this. Was the Tiffany necklace really that much of a motivator? But now I do see. And I actually can't really articulate why specifically- just the feeling that I had when walking around the expotique and interacting with everyone there. I'm sure the expo was jam-packed later in the day and my good experience was partially because there wasn't a crowd. But the fact that they had 3 full days of packet pickup (as opposed to 1.5 for other large races) definitely helped.

In the photo above, they had a guy standing there whose only job for the day was to take your photo. Many expos have "photo ops" but this was the first time I saw someone staffed to actually take the photos. I went to the expo alone and I was lucky to get my picture in front of this cool backdrop.

Closeup of my name on the We Run DC wall.

One of the coolest things about the expo was the wall with everyone's names on it. It covered an entire city block. I was surprised at how excited I was to see my name on this wall. I guess it's because it makes you really feel like you are part of something special. Nike celebrates YOU. They make everyone feel special because they build up their event so much.

It's a good thing I liked this expo so much, because I had the pleasure of going there twice yesterday. After the expo, the plan was to go grocery shopping. I drove 20 miles outside of the city, parked at the store, and decided to check my Nike bag. This would have been smart to do before leaving the city. But I guess I just wasn't stressed or worried about not having everything. I noticed my corral bracelet was missing. This is the paper bracelet that you need to wear on your wrist to get into your assigned corral. Without it, you start with the 14:00 and slower group. I searched every corner of that bag but the little slip of paper was nowhere to be found. I definitely saw the person grab a bracelet, but it must have slipped out of her hands and never made its way into the bag.

So, I drove 20 miles back into the city, paid $10 to park for 15 minutes to get another corral bracelet. I was glad I had it, but definitely annoyed at the extra driving and parking fees. Thankfully, the goodie bag was a true goodie bag, so I had a Luna bar and other small snacks to hold me over until I got back to the grocery store.

Before The Race
I only slept two hours the night before the race Maybe even a little less. I simply wasn't tired. I tried every technique in the book to fall asleep but it wasn't happening. I didn't think it would really affect my race because I had gotten six hours the previous night. But, the night before that and the night before that were both 5 hours or less. I think Tuesday night was only 4 hours. I had proven that I could run well on little sleep and I knew that stressing about it would only make things worse. So I honestly went into the race expecting there to be very little impact.

I think my inability to sleep the night before the race had something to do with my excitement. That expo got me pumped up and I was just raring to go. But Tuesday-Friday nights, the lack of sleep was driven by other things. On Wednesday night, the wind was extremely noisy and impossible for me to sleep through. Also, there were other major things on my mind that I won't expand on here, but that were certainly making my mind go a million miles a minute.

The week before Cherry Blossom, I felt so extremely drained and was sleeping 9 hours a night. I came to the start line feeling lethargic and not peppy. And I surprisingly ran well. This week, I had very little sleep but was extremely energized- probably all anxious energy and adrenaline. I felt great at the start line.

My sleep was from about 1:00-3:00am last night, so by the time I was supposed to be up, I was already out of the bed and deciding on my outfit.

Greg and I got to the race at 6:00, which was an hour before the start time. I wondered how many porta-potties there would be for an all-women's race, since women tend to take longer then men. It was porta-potty city. There were no lines. I had my choice of like 50 porta potties to go into. All of them empty. I've never seen a race with so many porta potties relative to the number of runners. It was awesome! I ran into my friend Linda and we did a short warmup. The warmup didn't feel good. We were going very slowly-- probably a 10:30 pace-- and yet it felt strained. I dismissed it because my warmups often don't feel good.

I handed Greg my jacket, got into my corral, and shortly after there was a huge surprise. They brought Shalane Flanagan and Joan Benoit Samuelson on stage!!! They were both wearing shirts with "B's" on them in honor of Boston. There was a moment of silence for the Boston bombing victims and then the national anthem started.

The weather was quite nice for late April. Sunny and mid 50's at the start. When I registered, I considered the possibility that the weather could be in the 70's, but we lucked out.

My plan for this race was to go out at around 7:45-7:50 and then speed up after the first 3 miles. I was targeting a 1:40. I knew I was a bit out of shape for not having run much since Cherry Blossom, but I figured a 1:40 was realistic since I wouldn't be facing the wind that I had in Cherry Blossom.

Miles 1-4
In all my years of racing in DC, I have never gotten to run through the tunnel that goes underneath the national mall. It was so cool! I had been looking at the map and wondering how they were going to get us across the mall, but then I realized we were going underground! These first miles were uneventful. I didn't feel 100%, but I know from experience that it can take me 5-6 miles to start to feel good in a half marathon. I saw my coach during mile 4, which was a real pick-me up.

Mile 1: 7:52
Mile 2: 7:43
Mile 3: 7:59
Mile 4: 7:43

Miles 5-9
By the time I hit mile 5, I knew this wasn't going to be a PR day for me, and I was okay with that. I was

10K mark, Photo by Kim Platt

starting to feel really crappy and tired and I wasn't even going very fast. I figured I would be lucky to just hold on to that pace for the rest of the race. I reminded myself that my primary goal was to put forth my best effort-- whatever the pace. I asked myself if this was my best effort or if I was going soft, and it truly was my best.

I saw Greg at mile 6 at the top of a hill, and that was energizing. Then it was onto Haines point- a very flat area that can be windy because it's near the water. I noticed a helicopter circling the area. I thought it was probably there for security and I realized that races would now be beefing up security post-Boston.

I slowed down quite a bit. I didn't judge and I didn't get upset. I accepted it and continued to push and put forth as much effort as I had in me. There were a bunch of inspirational signs throughout this part of the course and they helped to keep me focused and strong.

Mile 5: 7:55
Mile 6: 8:07
Mile 7: 8:22
Mile 8: 8:34
Mile 9: 8:52

Miles 10-13
At mile 10, I started looking for Greg but I didn't see him. I did see my coach, who was cheering for another

Mile 10, with my teammate Esther, Photo by Kim Platt

teammate. I called out his name, but he didn't see me because I was on the other side of the course and he was probably focused on the other teammate. I later learned that Greg was here too and they both missed seeing me. I actually thought that Greg thought he missed me after not seeing me around the 1:40 pace group and he had moved on without realizing I was still coming.

Shortly after, I heard my name being called by another runner. It was Alexandra, who I had met last fall at the MCM 10K. She's faster than me and I assumed she must be struggling as well. She said her legs were spent and that she was so glad I was there with her. I ran with her for a mile and it was great, but eventually I just had to let her go ahead. I was relegated to the survival shuffle. It took all the mental strength I had not to walk or stop. I just had nothing left in me and running two more miles seemed impossible. So many people were passing me, but I just focused on moving forward, one step at a time. Finally I saw the finish up ahead.

Mile 10: 8:26
Mile 11: Unknown because it was under a tunnel. Probably 9:15.
Mile 12: 9:33
Mile 13: 9:19
Last 0.2: (7:55 pace)

After the Race
I just wanted to collapse post finish line but I forced myself to keep walking. I got my Tiffany Necklace and my Nike finisher's shirt. Greg found me pretty quickly and walked with me over to my coach and my teammates. Both Greg and my coach had been worried about me, but I explained I was just having a really painful race after having slept just two hours the night before. My teammates confirmed that lack of sleep can really kill a race, so I was glad to have an immediate explanation for the crash and burn.

I started to see black spots and everything just felt really bad. I had over exerted myself and my body was not happy. Greg and I walked back to the metro, where I once again saw the spots. Ultimately I was okay and just very glad to be done with the race.

Official finish time 1:50:18-- about 10 minutes slower than goal time.

Before I do my final takeaways, I have to emphasize once again how well managed this race was, especially

Tiffany Necklace

for an inaugural event with so many runners. There was great signage along the course for mile markers, water stops, timing mats, inspirational quotes, etc. The start and finish areas were well well marked and nothing seemed to be overly crowded. It was nice to have Facebook updating my wall as I ran-- but without my actual splits so nobody knew I was bonking. The celebration was simply doing the race, and that's one of the main reasons I was there. For the experience. This race is about so much more than the Tiffany necklace, although the necklace is really quite nice!

Key Takeaways
I definitely got out of this race what I wanted most- the experience of running the first Nike Women's half in DC. And even though it hurt, it was an amazing experience and I am so glad I was part of it.

• Sleep matters. If I don't sleep well the week before a race, then my performance will likely suffer. Given that, I don't want to go into sleep-deprived races expecting to do poorly, but I do need to be realistic about what my body can do when it's in such an exhausted state. 
• I've raced a lot this year: 1 marathon, 3 half marathons, a ten-miler, and a 5K. Every month since January I have raced at least 13.1 miles. I think my body is worn out from the cumulative effects. I probably won't do so many long races so close together again, unless I am doing one of them as a training run.
• It's possible to enjoy a race when you feel like crap and just want it to be over.
• Running with teammates/friends helps. I spent about 3 minutes with the teammate I saw at mile 10, and about 1 mile with my other friend who I ran into at mile 11. Those were two high points for me.
• If possible, I should avoid major life decisions in the week before a race. I bought a new car just one week before my marathon in March, and I think that added to my overall anxious state. Even though I had been planning to buy that specific car for a year, and I got a lower price than I had expected, it still put me on edge a little. 
• Once I get my body into an anxious state about something, the physical anxiety lasts a lot longer then the time I actually spend thinking about the stressful topic. Even when I am no longer mentally stressing something, it takes my body awhile to "come down" from it's heightened state of awareness.
• I'm very proud of myself for not quitting and for giving it everything I had. A year ago, I might have run/walked my way to the finish line or stopped pushing as hard once I realized that it wasn't my day. There is great deal of satisfaction and value to be had from giving 100%, no matter what the clock says. It's an important skill to have as a runner.
• No crying for me! I brushed it off pretty quickly and focused on getting home and resting
• I have the best husband ever. I woke up him up at 11:00 last night when I couldn't sleep, and again this morning at 4:45 to come with me to the race. And both times, he was happy to be with me. With all the black spots I was seeing post-race, I don't know if I would have made it home safely without him.

Thanks, Nike, for a unique racing experience!

It's Not About the Running

I started this blog as a way to document my journey of running and races. Within the past two years, it's become more personal, as I am using my running as a way to address and overcome personal issues that have always been part of my mental fabric.

Given the purpose of this blog, I originally wasn't going to post about the Boston tragedy. I'm not trying to use this space to tackle large issues that happen in the world. I'm not trying to be political, preachy, poetic, all-knowing, or anything like that. I'm just trying to talk about running, specifically, my experiences with running. But over this past week I found myself thinking about the incident quite a bit.

The fact that I run doesn't have anything to do with what happened in Boston-- I reacted to the news not as a runner, but as a person. I really see the tragedy as one that could have occurred at any time or any place, although more likely in a crowded area.I think it's wonderful how the running community has bonded together over this incident and has already held events to honor the victims. I've always loved the commitment, dedication and camaraderie among runners. However, I don't think this bombing was an attack on runners or the running community or the marathon as a  sport. I think it was a senseless act of violence that occurred in an area that would be nearly impossible to secure.

Personally, I have always been a bit wary about running in large races in major cities such as the Marine Corps Marathon, The Army Ten Miler and the New York City Marathon. Particularly at the start line when you are packed in like sardines and there is no way out. There's no security around the perimeter. But I don't let that stop me from going and living my life.

When I run Chicago in the fall, I am going to try and stick with Greg. One of the things that perhaps made me the most emotional about last Monday was when I saw photos of loved ones reuniting after not knowing if the other person was safe. I can't even imagine how I would feel if I was separated from Greg in a situation like that and I couldn't get in touch with him.

I don't have too much to say other than that. I received calls, emails and text messages from concerned friends, asking me if I was in Boston and if I was okay. It was a nice reminder that I had a solid network of people who cared about me. At the same time, I was closely watching Facebook and waiting for my friends in Boston to post that they were safe.

In the spirit of moving on, I'll provide an update on my ankle since many readers had commented on that potential injury after my previous post. After the Cherry Blossom 10-miler, I took five days off from running. I used the elliptical on Wednesday, but that was really my only form of conditioning. I spent a lot of time icing the ankle and by Saturday I felt ready to run on it again. Greg and I went out and I had honestly expected my ankle to start hurting after several miles, but miraculously, it was 100% pain free! I was so happy. I ended up running 14 miles without even a hint that my ankle had been giving me trouble. I'm assuming that jamming my car door into my lower leg caused the initial irritation and with rest and ice, the injury healed.

I'm running the Nike Women's half next weekend and given that I have been flirting with injury and over-training for the past four weeks, I'll be very thankful to simply go out there and run it. I'm just going to run to celebrate that I can. As with any race or training run, I will be thankful that I am healthy enough to run and focus on enjoying the experience. To anyone reading this blog who ran the Boston Marathon this year-- congratulations on your accomplishment (whether or not you finished) and I am glad you are safe.

Cherry Blossom 10-Miler Race Report

This morning I ran my 4th Cherry Blossom 10-miler. I'm really happy to be able to say that because if you asked me on Friday if I was planning on running this race, I would have said no.

Crappy Runs & Re-paying My Sleep Debt
Lack of sleep is cumulative. I've learned that I can race well if I don't get any sleep the night before a race, or even the sacred "night before the night before". With my most recent marathon, I learned that I can run well averaging less than 5 hours of sleep per night for the entire week leading up to the race. But eventually, it comes back to bite you.

I thought I would recover all my lost sleep in the week following the marathon, but that didn't happen. I took a business trip to Colorado Springs (two time zones behind me) and so I was going to sleep late and further exhausting myself through travel. Running was still going well and I was still feeling really great. The second week after the marathon, I was still feeling good and even incorporated some speed work back into my training. My paces were great and it felt as if I had never run a marathon or lost all that sleep the week before.

But then, last Saturday, I had a run that told me I needed some down time. I went for a 13-miler and while it wasn't horrible, it just didn't feel right. My legs felt heavy, my heart rate was on the higher side. It just felt harder than it should have. I prescribed myself two rest days in a row and was back at it on Tuesday of this week. But I still wasn't ready. I ran 7.5 miles easy, but it was the slowest "easy" run I've had in months. And I felt super exhausted by the end of it. I had actually planned for 8 miles, but cut it short.

I took another rest day and tried again on Thursday. Same scenario. I had to run slower than normal to keep my heart rate down. And 3 miles into it, I felt overly fatigued. I started to worry about over-training syndrome, which I have experienced once before. Friday was the worst. I woke up and felt so tired that I took a partial sick day from work so I could stay home and rest.

Sleep. That's really what my body needed most. This week, I slept about 9 hours a night, and slept straight through the night. Usually, I sleep for about 7 hours and it's rare that I sleep straight through. On top of that, I  took a nap on Friday and a nap yesterday. All that sleep, and I still felt like I needed more sleep. Even when I had mono, I did not sleep this much. With mono, I felt weak and I couldn't move around very quickly. This was different. I didn't feel weak or sick- I just felt exhausted and sleepy.

To Race or Not To Race?
I was so tired on Friday that I figured the race was definitely out. I knew the entire thing would probably be a struggle, I would be disappointed with my time, and my body would be even further worn down. I wasn't quite sure what was going on with me, but the more I think about it, I just think that I just needed to catch-up on sleep and let my body recover from the months of hard training.

I woke up on Saturday morning and felt a definite improvement from Friday, but still abnormally tired. Greg and I went into the city to pickup our bibs, so I would have the option on Sunday morning of racing or not racing. Greg, who is just coming off of an injury, didn't really care if we ran the race or not. He didn't think he was in great shape and was only doing it because he had registered.

When we got home from packet pickup I felt completely drained. I took a nap and was amazed at quickly I fell asleep. Afterwards, I felt a little better and started to think that I would do the race.

I think I would have regretted it if I didn't at least try. Even if the race didn't go well, at least I would have known that I tried. If I didn't even attempt to run it, I think I would have wondered if I would have been okay and regretted missing one of my favorite races of the year.

It was simply a matter of setting the appropriate expectations. I didn't want to sell myself short and dismiss the idea of a PR.  But at the same time, I knew that I was in this overly-tired and possibly over-trained state. I decided I was just going to go out there and do my best and get satisfaction that I pushed hard and did the best I could given the circumstances.

Pre-Race
Everything had gone so smoothly for Greg and me the last time we ran this race, so we knew exactly what our routine would be. We drove to the metro, parked, and were at the race site about an hour ahead of time. We didn't check any bags, but we both had throwaway tops to keep us warm in the 45-degree weather.

Last time we found a set of porta potties that nobody knew about and Greg remembered where they were. Just as expected, there was no line. We couldn't believe that at a race with over 15,000 runners, we could find porta-potties with no lines! And no, I will not reveal in this blog where they are! :-) I probably couldn't explain it even if I wanted to.

We lined up at the front of corral two and met up with some Capital Area Runners teammates. If I had been feeling 100%, I would have planned to stay with them, but instead I told myself to run my own race and not worry about what the others were doing. They said they were going to go out at a pace of 7:40, which sounded good to me, so I figured it would be nice to at least start with them.

The weather was almost as good as last year. Last year, the race was in the upper 40's and completely overcast. No wind. This year it was in the mid 40's and mostly sunny-- but with some wind. Last year, March had been so warm that the Cherry Blossom had already come and gone. This March, it had been so cold that the blossoms were just starting to bloom-- I didn't really notice them very much unfortunately.

Miles 1-3
This race has a downhill start so it's hard to go out slow. The first few miles were pretty uneventful, although

I do remember my feet being so cold/numb that it was weird to run on them for the first two miles. I had a

small bottle water with me that I tossed during mile 3 and I didn't have any more water after that during the race. Greg shot out at a pace way faster than me, which wasn't surprising. Even though he'd been sidelined

Noticing my coach cheering for me.

due to injury, he races extremely well and pushes really, really hard.

Mile 1: 7:35
Mile 2: 7:32
Mile 3: 7:13

Miles 4-6
I tried not to be freaked out by the 7:13. Everything felt good. I was definitely working hard early in the race, but I knew I had a great endurance base that could carry me through. Plus, that mile had a little bit of downhill.

There was an "incident" during mile 5 when there was some metal strip of something on the course and I stepped on it and it dug right into my ankle. I let out a scream and the people around me asked if I was okay. I was okay to keep running, but that definitely hurt. I didn't let it affect my running and I had forgotten about it within a few minutes.

I remember that miles 5-6 always seem to be the hardest in this race. And if I could just get past mile 6, I would be golden. Back in 2009, I gave up mentally at mile 5 and I have always regretted that.

According to my splits, I came through the 5-mile mark at an average 7:32 pace. And then the 10K mark at a 7:33 pace. I was on track to PR. I just needed to stay around 7:30 for the last 4 miles.

Mile 4: 7:26
Mile 5: 7:27
Mile 6: 7:38

Miles 7-8
I knew to expect wind here. The wind was out of the south at about 10-15 mph, and I knew that we would be running into a headwind. Hains Point is almost always windy-- even on non-windy days, so the slightest bit of real wind makes it tough. This part of the course is the same area where my windy 5K was last month, so I was very familiar with how much of a challenge the wind can pose.

Before I had looked at the wind forecast, I had been expecting the race to get easier at this point. Last year it got easier here because it's completely flat and straight with no turns or anything. But instead of getting relief, things just got tougher.

I pushed really hard through the wind and every moment was a battle. I kept looking ahead to see where the turnaround was but I couldn't see it.

Mile 7: 7:51
Mile 8: 7:47


Miles 9-10

Now that I had a tailwind, I thought I would be back down in the 7:20's again. But no such luck. I had exerted so much effort battling the wind on the way out, that I just didn't have much left to give. I knew that a

Just before the finish

PR was at stake and if I could just stay at around 7:30 I would probably get it. I also knew I was hovering around 1:15/1:16 and really wanted to get under 1:16. I was highly motivated, but also highly exhausted. I was giving everything I had and I acknowledged that I was. There was absolutely no way I could have gone any faster during this part of the race.

The last mile had a hill right before the finish. It was long. In actuality it was probably about 0.2 miles but it seemed very long and I remembered this hill from having run the race previously. I pushed and pushed and pushed, until finally there was a slight downhill to the finish. After I crossed I felt like death and once again confirmed that I gave 100% on that course.

Mile 9: 7:39
Mile 10: 7:36
Last 0.07: (6:00 pace)

I found Greg (1:13:25) and some other teammates. I couldn't even talk for like three minutes after finishing. I was so winded. My lungs hurt. I was very glad I had raced, and very glad it was over!

Takeaways
My final time was 1:16:10, which is 18 seconds slower than my PR. So close!!! However, it was a lot

windier this year than it was when I ran my PR, so I am pretty confident that I would have PRed if it hadn't been windy.

My sports psychologist likes to look at PRs in context and would probably argue that this is my best 10-mile performance because of how well I did in spite of the wind. It probably cost me 20 seconds in both mile 7 & 8 (40 seconds) and then left me too exhausted to get back down to my initial pace for the remaining two miles. So while I can't claim an official PR, It feels like a PR to me and I'm very proud of how I raced this one.

Prior to this week's sleep-fest, I was targeting a 1:14:xx for this race, so somewhere around a 7:25 pace. In training, I had recently run a 6-mile tempo at a 7:26 pace and definitely felt like I could have kept that going for 4 more miles. I don't think I have lost fitness since then, but I was very worn out going into the race and I also had the wind to contend with. My official average pace of 7:37 is something I think I could do in a half marathon.

All in all, I am glad I went to the race this morning. I was pleasantly surprised at how I performed, given how tired I had been all week, and I have a lot of great takeaways:

• I got to run one of my favorite local races
• It was nice to see so many teammates-- both on the course and as spectators cheering
• I got to practice being mentally tough and pushing through windy conditions
• I got to practice being mentally tough by hanging on at the end, when I felt completely spent
• I enjoyed the scenic course
• It felt great to be running strong, after three consecutive "crappy" runs in a row
• My official time wasn't a PR, but I think I ran stronger today than when I got my PR
• If I don't qualify for the Boston Marathon when I run Chicago this fall, I will get to run Cherry Blossom again next year! What a great consolation prize!

Now for some RunPix!

I was the 103rd women, ages 30-34. There were 2189 in my age group behind me, 4% ahead.

I was the 387th women. There were 9897 women behind me, 4% ahead

I was ahead of 81% of the male runners.

What Next

Unfortunately, I think I aggravated a nagging ankle issue during this race. I have a pain about two inches above the outside of my left ankle. It only hurts when I run and isn't tender to the touch. Does anyone know what this is? It didn't affect my race, but when I was done, I really started to notice it in the finish line chute.

I'm not sure if this is a coincidence, but two weeks ago, I accidentally jammed the edge of my car door into my leg-- about 4 inches above the outside ankle. And now the area that's painful is somewhere between the gash mark on leg and the ankle bone. I'm not sure if the two are related, but it's not like I changed my gait or have been doing high-mileage training. I started to feel the pain when running about 9 days after the car door incident. 

This coming week, I plan to use the elliptical only and keep off the ankle. If it doesn't get better by the end of the week, I will see my sports chiropractor. I'm also traveling to San Francisco tomorrow so I won't be able to keep up this 9-hours-of-sleep per night thing. I will use this week to recover from any over-training and from a potential ankle injury and try to get back at it next weekend.  Nike Women's Half marathon is next on the schedule-- I want to make it to the start line healthy and ready to go!

Resort Running: Colorado Springs

I am currently on a flight home from Colorado Spring, CO where I attended a conference at the Broadmoor. The Broadmoor is an expansive, breathtaking resort, surrounded by snow-capped mountains. I had never been there before and I was blown away by how beautiful the property and surrounding area was.

I arrived on Wednesday afternoon and I had a few hours to myself before the networking reception and dinner. I used this time to visit the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, which was located on a mountain about 2 miles away from the resort. I hadn’t researched the area beforehand so I was very pleasantly surprised when I learned that there was a zoo so close by.

The zoo’s main attraction was the giraffes. There were about 8-10 of them, and visitors were allowed to

Zebras at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

feed them. After spending a few minutes admiring the giraffes, I made a bee line for the zebras. There were two of them and they were adorable. At first they didn't do much other than stand there, but then they started running around and playing, which was fun to watch. I think I hung out there for about 20-30 minutes. I loved watching all the little kids come up and say “zebra!”

After procuring a plush zebra from the zoo gift shop, I returned to the resort.  I scoped out my running route for the following day. It would be laps around the resort lake. I wasn’t going to be too adventurous and leave the resort for safety reasons. But had I been there longer, and able to run in daylight, I probably would have tried to tackle some hills.

I’ll pause here and take a moment to recap my marathon recovery. I woke up on Sunday and my legs didn’t hurt. There was some minor soreness in the left quad, but it felt as if I had run a 10K or a 10-miler. I was more sore after the Love Rox half marathon from the hills and staircases, and I’ve even been more sore after some 10Ks. On the one hand, I was glad because this meant I could probably jump right back into training. On the other hand, it indicated that my legs could have carried me much faster than they did during the marathon, and I didn’t run it to my full physical ability.

I had a massage scheduled for Sunday, and the therapist spent the entire hour on my neck and back.  The original intent was for this massage to help speed recovery of my legs, but I didn’t feel like I needed that.  What I needed was to relieve the tension that I had built up over the past week due to pre-race anxiety.

By Monday, I felt like my legs were good to go, but to be on the safe side I waited until Tuesday to run. I did 4 easy miles, and it was as if I had never raced. When I think about it, my average marathon pace of 8:45 is my easy run pace, so it wasn’t much different than doing a 26.2 mile training run.  Wednesday was another easy 4, and everything still felt good.

Thursday morning, I set out for my run around the lake. According to my Garmin, each lap around the lake was 0.7 mile. The resort is at about 6,000 feet of elevation so I expected it to be hard from a breathing perspective. It was 36 degrees, completely dark out, with a little bit of wind.

I would have loved to have started my run later so that I could enjoy the beautiful sunrise over the mountains, or so that I could even see the mountains. But I had to be on a call at 7:00am before my conference started, so I had no choice but to go early.  During the first five minutes, I found that I wasn’t able to breathe as deeply as I could at home. But I either quickly got used to that feeling, or it was all in my head to begin with. Once I got going, I didn’t even notice the altitude affecting me.

I ended up running a 10K around the lake, which was 9 laps. During the last lap, I stopped in at the fitness center to foam roll and stretch. How convenient! This was one of those runs that felt better and better the

The lake at the Broadmoor, Colorado Springs

more I got into it. During the final lap, I was finally able to see a bit of light on the horizon and I could start to see the mountains around me. The resort has an outdoor heated pool, so there were some people swimming outdoors, in the 36-degree weather in this heated pool. That was fun to run by.

There were a few people walking around the lake while I was running around it. At one point, I came right up behind a group of 3 walkers and announced myself as I passed. One of them said “You were so quiet I didn’t even know you were coming!” That was a real compliment to me because I use to be a foot-slapper. You used to always be able to hear me coming. My coach observed my foot slapping the first time I went running with him and he told me to not do it. Of course it wasn’t instantly corrected by him telling me that, but over the past two years, I have become a midfoot striker without really trying, and it’s softened my stride significantly. And since then, I’ve only had one injury (knock on wood) which was a minor calf strain.

After the run, I jumped on my 7:00am call and then spent the rest of the day at the conference. At the conference, I met four other marathon runners. This was an education conference with nothing to do about running, but it just shows how popular marathoning has become.  Everyone had a different story. There was

Introducing myself and my company at the conference

the guy who was trying for all 50 states, the trail runner, the highly competitive marathoner, and the “I run St. George every year” marathoner. I was the “I just ran a marathon on Saturday and six miles this morning” runner!  I ended up leaving the conference a day early (today) due to a storm forecast for Colorado Springs which was disappointing. I highly recommend the Broadmoor for anyone who is looking for a luxurious getaway.

Speaking of 50 states, it’s not a goal of mine to run or race in all 50, but I thought it would be interesting to put together a list of all the states I have run in, not counting the hotel treadmill. Plus I’m on a plane and there isn’t much else to do:

- Arizona (Phoenix, Scottsdale)
- California (San Diego, San Francisco)
- Colorado (Colorado Springs)
- Delaware (Wilmington)
- Florida (Miami, Orlando)
- Maryland (Bethesda, Annapolis)
- Massachusetts (Boston)
- New Jersey (Jersey Shore)
- New Mexico (Albuquerque)
- New York (New York)
- North Carolina (Nags Head)
- Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, York)
- Illinois (Chicago)
- Tennessee (Memphis)
- Texas (Houston)
- Washington DC
- Virginia (Northern, Richmond, VA Beach)
- Wisconsin (Milwaukee)

International:
- London, UK
- Sienna, Italy
- Toronto, Canada

B & A Trail Marathon Report: Adversity, Anxiety, and Attitude

This morning I ran a marathon! And I finished! It was my 14th marathon since I started running them in 2006.

Those of you who follow this blog know that I have struggled with the marathon for the past five years. Heat, hypothermia, stomach issues and most recently anxiety. In fact I wasn't even able to finish my past two marathons because my anxiety levels were so high. My heart rate soared and my body started to break down before I even got to the halfway point.

Given all of these past struggles, I reset my expectations. Even though I had the most amazing training cycle ever, and I am in the best running shape of my life, I wasn't pushing for a specific time goal. All the "signs" pointed to 3:30-3:35, but being too focused on time has played a major role in my anxiety, so I learned that I had to focus on other things. Primarily- simply running my best race possible in whatever circumstances were handed to me on race day.

Hell Week
(I realize that a good percentage of this "race report" focuses on the pre-race, but for me, that's the biggest challenge in a marathon. Not the race itself, but the buildup. )

Most marathoners are very familiar with the "taper madness" that occurs in the 2-3 weeks before the race. Training volume is down, pre-race jitters settle in and we have all this extra time on our hands. Last week, when I was two weeks out, I had the most relaxed taper week ever. I was actually sleeping 8-9 quality hours a night (my normal is 7 hours, and usually not straight through the night). I felt super relaxed and it didn't feel as if a marathon was approaching.

But then last Sunday night, I suddenly wasn't able to sleep. I've since identified many reasons for why this might have been (daylight savings time affecting my circadian rhythm, the house being too warm, the fact that I bought a new car that day, and the fact that I had slept so much the previous week that my body wasn't tired). Anyway, I tried to just brush it off on Monday and figured I would just make up for lost sleep on Monday night. Well, no, that didn't happen either. I only got 3-4 hours of off and on sleep and during that time I just felt so tortured. I woke up feeling like crap and I started to worry that this was becoming a pattern.  I went to see my sports psychologist, and that helped me a lot.

Finally, on Tuesday night, I slept. It was 7 hours and while I was hoping to make up for Sunday and Monday, I was happy to not have had another tortured night. When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I had this huge knot in my chest. I tried to ignore it, but the more I tired to ignore it, the tighter it got. Greg and I went on a 4-mile run, and my heart rate was elevated by 15 beats per minute. I was running a 8:45 pace, but my heart rate was as if I was running a 7:30 pace. And of course this freaked me out even more, and then I had a downward spiral from there, freaking out about the fact that I had a knot in my stomach and that I was experiencing physical anxiety.

I decided I wasn't even going to run the race. It wasn't worth all this physical anxiety. I was just going to call it quits before I even started. I hadn't expected I would feel like this in the week leading up to the race, and it upset me. I had worked so hard over the past nine months addressing my "perfectionist" attitude about marathons, and yet I was still getting knots in my chest and not sleeping.

After the run, Greg talked me down from my state of distress and I felt much better. Slowly, the knot in my chest went away. The key thing he told me was that my goal wasn't to eliminate anxiety, but to know how to manage it and react when it hit.

Back to the sports psychologist I went and he gave me some great advice on how to focus my thoughts during the next few days.

By Thursday I was feeling better. During my run, my heart rate was elevated by only 5 beats per minute. Still not ideal, but it proved that I was able to lower it from the previous day. Knowing that I had the power to lower it gave me hope and made me feel more in control. I wore the heart rate monitor while running, but I didn't look at the numbers until post-run, which was a good idea. During the run, I stayed focused on the music I was listening to and did everything I could to keep myself positive.

Thursday's run was perhaps just as big of an accomplishment as the marathon itself. Yes, running a marathon is very hard. But for me, being able to manage my anxiety and stay positive when all signs pointed to me having yet another bad marathon experience was huge. I had overcome a major hurdle. Even though it seemed like my anxiety would cause me to have yet another bad marathon experience, I did not let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I fought hard against it and insisted on staying positive.

I had a horrible start to my week, but I was getting back on track instead of continuing the downward spiral.

I slept decently Thursday night, and woke up feeling good on Friday morning.

Packet Pickup, Dinner, Etc.
Once Greg and I left the house, I started to feel excited and even more relaxed. Yes! We had a nice trip to Annapolis, got our bibs, browsed around a few stores and had dinner. I was living in the moment and not stressing or obsessing about the next day.

I met up with a friend and her running club after dinner, and it was awesome to get to chat with her for awhile.

Finally, it was time for bed. I kept waking up every hour and didn't sleep well, but by this point, I didn't think it really mattered. I was in an "I'll take what I can get" mode in terms of sleep. (I'm down by about 15 hours for the week at this point- I sure do hope I sleep tonight!)

Pre-Race
I felt pretty calm before the race. Greg and I got up, I had my typical breakfast, went to the bathroom a lot, and we were off. I kept going back and forth between long sleeves and a singlet with arm warmers. I eventually decided on long sleeves since it was supposed to be 43 and raining for most of the race. There was a 100% chance of rain starting at 11:00 and I didn't want to get hypothermia like I had at a previous rainy marathon. I also wore a hat to keep the water off of my face.

We got to the race about 30 minutes before it started and I went in search of a bathroom, as per usual. The bathrooms were located inside the fitness club that was hosting the race. The line was long, but it moved quickly. My sports psychologist pointed out that I get un-necessarily anxious when the lines are long and I fear not being able to use a bathroom. He told me that I can't control the bathroom line, so instead of focusing on it, I should really just think about whatever I would be thinking about if I weren't in line. So, I started talking to the woman behind me and asked her a bunch of questions about where she lived, where she worked, etc. The time went by quickly and before I knew it, I had only 5 minutes left and I was still in line. Well, instead of letting it bother me and throw me off my game, I just accepted it and headed to the start line without getting to pee.

Greg, who is coming off an injury, was running the first 5 miles with me. Since I know that my anxiety is at its highest early in the race, this was the best time for him to be there. The plan was for us to treat it like a training run and talk as we normally do.

Miles 1-5
Greg and I started slow. I didn't even bother looking at the Garmin for the first mile because I knew it was super slow and was good with that. During mile 2, I found a porta potty and stopped to use it. I didn't worry about how it would affect my time, I just knew it was something that had to be done, so I did it and moved on.

Greg and I really enjoyed these miles. The weather was perfect-- overcast and 43. It was nice to be running in a new area. We even joked about how there were water stops on our training run. And how people on our training run were wearing race bibs. Laughing and chatting away made the miles tick by fast and distracted me from what I was really doing. Greg held my water bottle for me (filled with G2), which was a huge help. I took a Honey Stinger gel at mile 5.

Mile 1: 8:53
Mile 2: 8:59 (includes bathroom stop)
Mile 3: 8:31
Mile 4: 8:36
Mile 5: 8:29

Miles 6-11
These miles were my favorite part of the race. I knew that I was over the initial hump and I was still feeling good, so all signs were pointing toward a strong race. I turned my music on and let it carry me. I got into a groove and everything felt awesome. During mile 6-7 I was chatting with this guy about his race history. I normally would never be so chatty during a race, but I needed all the distractions I could get. Ultimately I went ahead of him because my plan was to speed up after the 10K point. I didn't want the speed up to be like "Okay, it's been 6.2 miles, now is the time to start racing it!" I didn't even want to feel like I was getting faster, I just decided to give a little more energy.

I had a huge smile on my face. I high-fived the little kids, I said thanks to the volunteers, and I just soaked it all in. I just felt so, so happy to be in a marathon where my body was cooperating. The weather was perfect, the course was nice and it was just amazing. This is why I run marathons. I used to get this feeling back in 2006-2007 when I was new to marathons, but ever since I decided I wanted to BQ, I'd taken myself too seriously to high-five the kids or "waste" the energy to thank the volunteers.

Mile 6: 8:35
Mile 7: 8:20
Mile 8: 8:21
Mile 9: 8:26
Mile 10: 8:18
Mile 11: 8:26

Miles 12-18
I took my second gel at mile 11.5. I had been drinking a bottle of G2, and finished it at around this point. I threw the bottle away (actually found a trash can) and I knew I would be getting another one from Greg at mile 12.5. It felt awesome to not be holding a water bottle anymore.

Mile 12.5

Greg was waiting for me where I expected and I breezed by him, taking the second bottle of G2. It was completely full, and I knew I wasn't going to drink the whole thing, so I squirted some out so it wouldn't be as heavy. The music was still motivating me. I was still running strong. There were some minor inclines and declines on the trail, which I knew were subtly impacting my speed, so I didn't get hung up on the Garmin. I was looking at the Garmin about 1-2 times per mile, which is a lot less than I used to do. It was for informational purposes only, and I never let it change what I was doing. Even when it said 8:00 at one point, I just kept on going at the same effort level.

I realized that the paces I was running probably weren't going to get me to a BQ, but I wanted to play it safe given my lack of sleep that week. I wanted to avoid a crash at all costs. And I knew that if I was feeling good, I could just really turn on the gas during the last 10K.

The turn around was at mile 16.5, and there was a big hill. I knew that the course had one major hill, but I didn't know where. And this was it. It felt like a dream to go down the hill, but going back up didn't feel as good. I had actually ditched the water bottle at mile 14, so I was in search of a water stop. I felt myself craving water, which is never good in a race, but I figured one would show up soon enough. Mentally, it felt great to have hit the turnaround point, even though there was that huge hill still ahead of me.


Mile 12: 8:26
Mile 13: 8:31
Mile 14: 8:38
Mile 15: 8:22
Mile 16: 8:18 (fastest mile of the race)
Mile 17: 8:34

Miles 18-23
There was a long-awaited water station at mile 18. I was very thirsty so I quickly gulped down two cups of water. I took my 3rd honey out (which I had ideally wanted at mile 16, but there was no water there) and the minute I put it in my mouth, I felt like I was going to vomit, so I spit it out. After that, I still had the honey on my lips and when I got a taste of it, it made me feel sick.

I was at that water station for about a full minute. Stopping there for so long may have been a mistake because it made me realize that I no longer felt good. And now there was a pain in my chest and I felt like I needed to throw up.

Mile 20, Photo by Greg

The next few miles were just hellish. I went into survival mode. I didn't try to think about what caused it, I just did my best to power through it and prayed that it would go away soon. I kept burping, and each burp felt like a release, but the pain was still there. In retrospect I think a number of things could have contributed. It could have been anxiety-related because it was in the same area where I felt that knot in my chest earlier in the week, it could have been from drinking too much G2 early in the race, and no water. It could have been from gulping down the cups of water too quickly.

Anyway, the unfortunate thing was that I hadn't had any calories since I tossed the G2 at mile 14 and with the way I was feeling, I knew it would be nearly impossible to take any more in.

I knew to expect Greg shortly after mile 20 and I wanted to look good for him. I put on my best game face, but I walked as I approached him, threw down my gloves and my hat, and took a sip of water. The water made me feel like I needed to gag. I didn't even say anything to Greg other than that I couldn't drink the water. I didn't take the water with me, or the Honey Stinger chews. I walked away, and then slowly started to run again.

Meanwhile, the sun had come out! There had been a 100% chance of rain starting at 11:00, and instead of rain, we got sun. My hat had been completely un-necessary and my sleeves were rolled up. The weather was still nice-- I just wasn't dressed for it.

Mile 18: 8:24
Mile 19: 9:40 (includes water stop)
Mile 20: 9:10
Mile 21: 9:21
Mile 22: 9:40
Mile 23: 9:40

Miles 24-Finish
At this point, I told myself "You are going to run to mile marker 24. And then you will run to mile marker 25. And then, marker 26." I didn't think of it as three more miles. I thought of it as manageable chunks of distance. Thinking about it like this was very helpful and gradually, my chest/stomach problem started to dissipate. Instead of getting frustrated and discouraged about how this was impacting my time, I powered through it, determined to have a strong finish. In the past, I think I probably would have given up mentally and turned it into more of a catastrophe than it needed to be. Plus, even though I was struggling I was still passing people.

I don't think anyone passed me from about mile 10 onward. It makes sense because I started on the slow side and then sped up. I was thankful that nobody passed me as I slowed down, because that would have been discouraging.

I looked down at my Garmin and realized I could still PR. My average pace per mile was 8:44 and my PR pace per mile was 8:49. I was determined to get it.

With two miles left to go, I came upon someone who was hanging in there, but obviously going slower than me. I said something encouraging to him as I passed. Before I knew it, he was by my side and we were running together. Yay! I had someone to run with. I kept saying "we got this" and my big smile returned. I knew that things were only going to get better as I felt strong again and my chest pain was now just a minor annoyance.

I can't say enough how great it felt to be feeling strong at the end of a marathon. I haven't had a strong marathon finish since March of 2008. It's been five years. It was euphoric. It didn't matter that my time would be slower than what I was physically capable of. All that mattered was that I was going to finish happy and strong, and that I was pulling someone else with me.

"I see mile marker 26!" I said. I got pumped up, we ran to mile 26 and then I realized if I sprinted I could get under 3:49. I ran that last 0.2 like the end of a 10K and my final kick was awesome. It was so awesome that I felt like I could have kept going. In fact, I think that if the race had been 28 miles, my overall overage pace would have been faster. Ironic, but true, since I had plenty of energy and my legs felt good.

Mile 24: 9:01
Mile 25: 8:55
Mile 26: 8:23
Last 0.2: (7:43 pace)

After the finish
I was actually perfectly coherent and I felt great. I've never felt so good at the end of the marathon. And not once during the entire race did my legs get tired or hurt. This proves that my training paid off and I was truly in shape for a much faster marathon. It's just that I wasn't able to exert the energy I had when I was in so much discomfort. And it's amazing I had the energy that I did given that I hardly drank any water from mile 18 to the finish, and my last calorie intake was mile 11.5.

My time was 3:48:50, good for 3rd female, ages 30-39. It was a small race.

I found Greg and he said "You look much better now than when I saw you last!" I was so happy! I haven't felt so satisfied with a marathon in years!  And the funny thing is, if I would have run a 3:48 last year at this time, I would have been crushed. If I had the exact same race experience, I would have been so upset that I didn't qualify for Boston despite how great my fitness level was and how hard I trained. It wouldn't have mattered that I broke 3:50 for the first time, or that I beat my PR by over 2:00. It would have been a depressing day of "this is so unfair, why can't I just run a good marathon". But not today. I was fulfilled in so many ways. And as for that fitness I built up? It's not going anywhere! I still have the Cherry Blossom 10-miler ahead of me!

We waited around for the awards, which were given pretty quickly. Thankfully, they didn't wait for the 7-hour finishers before giving them out. Normally with a time like mine, I wouldn't expect an age group award. However, being an out-and-back race, I hadn't seen too many women ahead of me. I won a $20 gift certificate to National Running Center. I think I was supposed to get a plaque, too, but I didn't realize that until after I left so I hope they mail it to me.

Final takeaways
The age group award and the PR were just the gravy in this race. I am most proud of how I conquered my pre-race anxiety and got to the start line feeling relaxed. This resulted in a strong, happy finish and an affirmation that I have made some major fitness gains over the past few months. Especially coming back from Mono last summer.

I really hope I never have a "hell week" again during my taper. But if I do, I know now that I can manage the physical anxiety, and that a sleep deficit won't kill my race. I actually felt great physically during the first 18 miles, and again during the last 2.

In terms of lessons learned, I think I need to drink both water and G2 early in the race. Since G2 is a watered down version of Gatorade, I figured it was kind of the same thing, but it's probably not. And also- never trust the weather, even if there is a 100% chance of something! I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I pushed a bit more before the stomach issues. I'm not thinking about that in terms of what I did wrong, but just for next time I would like to have more confidence and be a bit less conservative. This race was not focused on speed or testing my fitness-- it was about refining the process. I've made huge progress and I now know what I need to do next time.

I'm really, really tired right now and I'm looking forward to a relaxing evening.

A Hearty Appetite for What's On The Menu

One week from today, I will be running a marathon.  I have one goal for it: take whatever is available.

It used to be that the main thing I wanted out of racing was PRs. And then I realized I was selling myself short and missing out on a whole lot of wonderful things- simply because I wasn't looking for them and seeing that they were there for me. Here is a list of possible "menu items" for next Saturday, in no particular order:

• Enjoyment of running a low-key race
• Development and experience as a runner
• Finishing the race
• Having a strong finish
• Pride in knowing that I ran my best race possible for that day
• Feeling loved and supported by Greg who will be at several places on the course
• Learning what works and what doesn't work, so I can refine my process
• "Testing" where my physical and mental training have landed me so far
• Camaraderie with other runners
• PR
• BQ
• Excitement
• Feeling of "solace" without much crowd support and very few other runners
• That feeling of pushing through physical discomfort and enduring it until the end of the race
• Checking a new state off of my marathon list (I'm not going for all 50, but would like to do a lot of states)
• Getting into a "groove" in the early miles and finding a rhythm

What's going to be available? I don't know. But I fully intend to take as much as possible from what's on the menu next weekend! That's my only goal. I probably won't get all of these things, but I will definitely get most of them as long as I am looking for them. I don't want to miss out. Yes, I would love a new marathon PR, but that's just one thing on a very long list. 

I'm not going soft. I'm not lowering the bar. I will run this race to the best of my ability in whatever the circumstances may be. In fact, that's bullet number 4. It's just that I am really broadening my horizons on what I can get out of the event. 

Don't Over Think It!

Many people would say that somebody who is anxiety-prone like me shouldn't be over-thinking the marathon in this way and that I shouldn't think about it until race day. That approach didn't work for me last year when I tried it, so I'm not going to try it again. Avoidance is not a strategy to deal with anxiety-- instead, you have to think about things in a way that gives you assurance and confidence that you will be able to handle them.

Keeping in mind that my goal is to get as many bullet points that are available (I know that these are not all within my control) I know I will succeed. I think that a lot of my previous anxiety stemmed from not knowing how the race was going to play out. Was I going to bonk? Would I meet my goal time? What would my splits look like? 

Now I realize that: A) I can actually predict most of what will happen  B) For the things that I can't predict, I know how I will handle them, and that's actually what makes racing so exciting.

I can predict most of what will happen. I'll have a pretty good idea of what the weather will be a few days out. I know everything I'm going to do on race morning before the race starts. I know what the course is like-- I've studied the map. I know what pace I will start at and that I will evaluate that pace at the 10K mark to see if I should maintain it or speed up. I know that I will see Greg along the course and I know when I will take my gels. I know that at some point the race will start to feel hard and I will need to continue to push through it. I know that barring any stomach issues or injuries, I will finish the race. 

There are a few things I can't predict. I don't know how I will feel and at what point the race will start to get tough. I don't know if I will have stomach issues. I can't predict what my splits will be or what my finish time will be.  But these unknowns are okay! If I do have stomach issues or if the race starts to feel hard early on, I will deal with it. If I could predict my splits and if I did know my exact finish time in advance, well then-- where's the excitement of actually racing?

Other Thoughts

• I trained so that I would be physically prepared to run this race. If I struggle during this marathon, it doesn't diminish my hard work-- my training will serve me well at future races this spring.
• It's been 5 years since I've had a strong marathon finish, but I don't feel like I am "due". It will happen when it's meant to happen. And it hasn't happened within the past 5 years for a reason
• A marathon time goal is far less significant than all the other goals I am working on this year. I'm working on overhauling a perfectionist mindset that I've had my entire life. Showing progress in that area is far more meaningful to me than a time. 
• I have a great deal of evidence to show that I can be happy, proud, and satisfied when a race doesn't go as well as I would have liked. The Love Rox half marathon is perhaps the best example of that.
• I also have evidence that focusing on doing my best will make me feel physically and mentally strong during a race.

I feel ready for this marathon. I've been sleeping well, feeling strong, and staying focused on "taking what's available" next Saturday.

Bright (and windy) Beginnings 5K

A few weeks ago, my coach suggested that everyone on the team run the Bright Beginnings 5K that took place this morning. He was so keen on us doing it that he labeled it as the day's workout and there would be no scheduled long run. I wouldn't have opted to run a 5K two weeks out from a marathon because I think it's too short to be a good predictor of marathon fitness. However, I thought it would be fun to run a race with so many teammates and I'd get a good workout in. Plus if my coach is recommending it, there must be something to it!

I was in Chicago this week for work and I flew home last night. My flight was supposed to get in at 7:35pm but it was delayed by an hour. And the delay was while we were on the plane, waiting to take off so it's not like I go to walk around or even use my iPad for entertainment. By the time I got home, it was around 9:00. Considering that I'm normally in bed by 9:00, this wasn't exactly ideal, but I still ended up with a decent night's sleep.

I woke up feeling pretty good and ready to race. Usually during the days before any race and I very focused on the race. However, this time I was completely chill about it. I honestly just saw it as a hard workout with my teammates and I didn't get nervous or anxious. I was looking forward to the race, but I didn't have my normal "excitement" that I typically get when I race.

Greg is unfortunately injured so he played cheerleader/spectator again. He drove and dropped me off near the start line since we were running a bit behind schedule. I can't emphasize enough how much I appreciate all his support. He was feeling tired and cold this morning but he still drove me to the race, dropped me off, parked kinda far away and came back to stand in the cold, windy weather to watch me race.

It was about 35 degrees, partly sunny and breezy. Being familiar with this course in West Potomac Park, I knew that it was flat, but could get windier than other areas in the city being so close to the water.

I warmed up for about a mile and a half with some teammates and was ready to go.

The race started about 10 minutes late because people were still picking up their bib numbers. We were all freezing cold at the start line, ready to get going, but the wait seemed to go on forever. We danced in place and stayed close to each other, trying to stay warm. There were about six runners on my team who were in my "group"-- running approximately the same pace as me. Two of these women ran the epic Love Rox half marathon with me two weekends ago. My plan was to try and stick with them and work as a team.

In terms of a time goal, I thought I was in shape to set a PR, and that I could probably run an average pace of around 6:50.

Mile 1

Mile 1, Photo by Cheryl Young

The race started and I felt great for about 2-3 minutes. And then the realization hit that this pace probably wasn't sustainable so I backed off and let my teammates get ahead of me. Never have I felt so crappy so early on in a 5K. At first I thought it was because I was pulled out too fast, but then once I backed off, I still felt sluggish. My coach was at the first mile marker calling of splits. It's always a great pick-me-up to see my coach in a race. I ran the first mile in 6:47, which was a little faster than my goal, but I knew there was a tailwind helping me out.

Mile 2
There's still two more miles of this? Oh my God, that seems like forever. I just didn't have "it" at this race. My sports psychologist refers to "it" as kinesthetic feel. He says that some days you have it and some days you don't. Performance is dynamic and some days you are in your groove, and on other days, you just can't find it. Well, I didn't have any kinesthetic feel. I typically have a mantra that goes through my head that keeps the rhythm steady and I feel energized. This morning, no mantra came to me and I just felt really "off". There was no rhythm to my running, I felt clumsy and tired, and I just wasn't really on. The turnaround was a rude awakening, because the nice tailwind was gone and I was running straight into a headwind. I hit the second mile in 6:53.

Mile 3

Mile 3, Photo by Cheryl Yong

The headwind during the last mile felt like it was pretty strong, but in reality it may have been like 10-15 mph.   Unfortunately I had lost sight of my teammates so there was no hope of running as a group to battle the wind.  I was just miserable during this mile. I used every mental trick I knew of to keep running strong, but I felt like I was running in place. I pushed as hard as I could and I gave everything I had- but it just wasn't there. The wind was coming directly at me, my face was freezing, I felt exhausted and I'm pretty sure my form was falling apart. Based on the two mile splits, I knew that all I had to do was run a 7:00 pace or faster and I would PR. I really wanted that PR but there was just nothing that could get me to go any faster. I ran a disappointing 7:20 which is slower than some of my half marathon miles from two weekends ago. I've run 6-mile tempo runs with faster miles in them. I think this speaks volumes to how crappy I was feeling during that last mile.

Final Kick
I almost always have a very strong final kick. Even in my crappiest races, I can almost always manage to find something left at the end. But not this time. I ran toward the finish line, looking at the clock and wanting to get under 22:00- so I pushed and pushed, but could only muster a 6:48 pace. In my past THREE half marathons, the last 0.1 was faster than this.

Final time was 21:47, average pace of 7:01.

I am not beating myself up over this and nor am I upset. In fact, I cannot believe I ran a 21:47 (just 18 seconds slower than my PR) feeling so crappy. And because I had nothing left to give in that final kick, I know I left it all out there and tried my best.

My key takeaways are:

Mile 3, Photo by Cheryl Young

• I gave it all I had despite feeling crappy. My lack of final kick is evidence of that.
• I didn't have "my groove" this morning (possibly because of my Chicago trip, or possibly for no particular reason at all)
• I ran a significant positive split, but that had a lot to do with the tailwind on the way out and the headwind coming back in.
• I enjoyed running a race that so many of my teammates were participating in
• Fitness-wise, I think I am definitely in my best shape ever. I don't think I could have ever previously run as fast while feeling so blah.
• I'm not upset or beating myself up-- in fact just the opposite-- which shows I've grown mentally.
• I didn't compare myself to my teammates. It would have been nice to run with them, but I accepted early on that it wasn't going to happen and I stayed focused on doing my personal best.
• I broke 22:00 for the second time ever.

My coach suggested I run 10-12 miles tomorrow, and I hope I'm not too sore! My primary focus for the next two weeks will be staying healthy from both an injury and illness perspective. I don't want to turn into a germ-phobe, but I do want to be mindful about washing my hands, taking vitamins and keeping a good distance between myself and co-workers who are sick. Thankfully I will not be getting on any more planes during the next two weeks. I plan to stretch and foam roll a lot, and if my legs are feeling too sore tomorrow, I won't sweat cutting the run short.

I'm glad to have another solid race under my belt this year!

Capital Area Runners post-race