Resort Running: Colorado Springs

I am currently on a flight home from Colorado Spring, CO where I attended a conference at the Broadmoor. The Broadmoor is an expansive, breathtaking resort, surrounded by snow-capped mountains. I had never been there before and I was blown away by how beautiful the property and surrounding area was.

I arrived on Wednesday afternoon and I had a few hours to myself before the networking reception and dinner. I used this time to visit the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, which was located on a mountain about 2 miles away from the resort. I hadn’t researched the area beforehand so I was very pleasantly surprised when I learned that there was a zoo so close by.

The zoo’s main attraction was the giraffes. There were about 8-10 of them, and visitors were allowed to

Zebras at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

feed them. After spending a few minutes admiring the giraffes, I made a bee line for the zebras. There were two of them and they were adorable. At first they didn't do much other than stand there, but then they started running around and playing, which was fun to watch. I think I hung out there for about 20-30 minutes. I loved watching all the little kids come up and say “zebra!”

After procuring a plush zebra from the zoo gift shop, I returned to the resort.  I scoped out my running route for the following day. It would be laps around the resort lake. I wasn’t going to be too adventurous and leave the resort for safety reasons. But had I been there longer, and able to run in daylight, I probably would have tried to tackle some hills.

I’ll pause here and take a moment to recap my marathon recovery. I woke up on Sunday and my legs didn’t hurt. There was some minor soreness in the left quad, but it felt as if I had run a 10K or a 10-miler. I was more sore after the Love Rox half marathon from the hills and staircases, and I’ve even been more sore after some 10Ks. On the one hand, I was glad because this meant I could probably jump right back into training. On the other hand, it indicated that my legs could have carried me much faster than they did during the marathon, and I didn’t run it to my full physical ability.

I had a massage scheduled for Sunday, and the therapist spent the entire hour on my neck and back.  The original intent was for this massage to help speed recovery of my legs, but I didn’t feel like I needed that.  What I needed was to relieve the tension that I had built up over the past week due to pre-race anxiety.

By Monday, I felt like my legs were good to go, but to be on the safe side I waited until Tuesday to run. I did 4 easy miles, and it was as if I had never raced. When I think about it, my average marathon pace of 8:45 is my easy run pace, so it wasn’t much different than doing a 26.2 mile training run.  Wednesday was another easy 4, and everything still felt good.

Thursday morning, I set out for my run around the lake. According to my Garmin, each lap around the lake was 0.7 mile. The resort is at about 6,000 feet of elevation so I expected it to be hard from a breathing perspective. It was 36 degrees, completely dark out, with a little bit of wind.

I would have loved to have started my run later so that I could enjoy the beautiful sunrise over the mountains, or so that I could even see the mountains. But I had to be on a call at 7:00am before my conference started, so I had no choice but to go early.  During the first five minutes, I found that I wasn’t able to breathe as deeply as I could at home. But I either quickly got used to that feeling, or it was all in my head to begin with. Once I got going, I didn’t even notice the altitude affecting me.

I ended up running a 10K around the lake, which was 9 laps. During the last lap, I stopped in at the fitness center to foam roll and stretch. How convenient! This was one of those runs that felt better and better the

The lake at the Broadmoor, Colorado Springs

more I got into it. During the final lap, I was finally able to see a bit of light on the horizon and I could start to see the mountains around me. The resort has an outdoor heated pool, so there were some people swimming outdoors, in the 36-degree weather in this heated pool. That was fun to run by.

There were a few people walking around the lake while I was running around it. At one point, I came right up behind a group of 3 walkers and announced myself as I passed. One of them said “You were so quiet I didn’t even know you were coming!” That was a real compliment to me because I use to be a foot-slapper. You used to always be able to hear me coming. My coach observed my foot slapping the first time I went running with him and he told me to not do it. Of course it wasn’t instantly corrected by him telling me that, but over the past two years, I have become a midfoot striker without really trying, and it’s softened my stride significantly. And since then, I’ve only had one injury (knock on wood) which was a minor calf strain.

After the run, I jumped on my 7:00am call and then spent the rest of the day at the conference. At the conference, I met four other marathon runners. This was an education conference with nothing to do about running, but it just shows how popular marathoning has become.  Everyone had a different story. There was

Introducing myself and my company at the conference

the guy who was trying for all 50 states, the trail runner, the highly competitive marathoner, and the “I run St. George every year” marathoner. I was the “I just ran a marathon on Saturday and six miles this morning” runner!  I ended up leaving the conference a day early (today) due to a storm forecast for Colorado Springs which was disappointing. I highly recommend the Broadmoor for anyone who is looking for a luxurious getaway.

Speaking of 50 states, it’s not a goal of mine to run or race in all 50, but I thought it would be interesting to put together a list of all the states I have run in, not counting the hotel treadmill. Plus I’m on a plane and there isn’t much else to do:

- Arizona (Phoenix, Scottsdale)
- California (San Diego, San Francisco)
- Colorado (Colorado Springs)
- Delaware (Wilmington)
- Florida (Miami, Orlando)
- Maryland (Bethesda, Annapolis)
- Massachusetts (Boston)
- New Jersey (Jersey Shore)
- New Mexico (Albuquerque)
- New York (New York)
- North Carolina (Nags Head)
- Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, York)
- Illinois (Chicago)
- Tennessee (Memphis)
- Texas (Houston)
- Washington DC
- Virginia (Northern, Richmond, VA Beach)
- Wisconsin (Milwaukee)

International:
- London, UK
- Sienna, Italy
- Toronto, Canada

B & A Trail Marathon Report: Adversity, Anxiety, and Attitude

This morning I ran a marathon! And I finished! It was my 14th marathon since I started running them in 2006.

Those of you who follow this blog know that I have struggled with the marathon for the past five years. Heat, hypothermia, stomach issues and most recently anxiety. In fact I wasn't even able to finish my past two marathons because my anxiety levels were so high. My heart rate soared and my body started to break down before I even got to the halfway point.

Given all of these past struggles, I reset my expectations. Even though I had the most amazing training cycle ever, and I am in the best running shape of my life, I wasn't pushing for a specific time goal. All the "signs" pointed to 3:30-3:35, but being too focused on time has played a major role in my anxiety, so I learned that I had to focus on other things. Primarily- simply running my best race possible in whatever circumstances were handed to me on race day.

Hell Week
(I realize that a good percentage of this "race report" focuses on the pre-race, but for me, that's the biggest challenge in a marathon. Not the race itself, but the buildup. )

Most marathoners are very familiar with the "taper madness" that occurs in the 2-3 weeks before the race. Training volume is down, pre-race jitters settle in and we have all this extra time on our hands. Last week, when I was two weeks out, I had the most relaxed taper week ever. I was actually sleeping 8-9 quality hours a night (my normal is 7 hours, and usually not straight through the night). I felt super relaxed and it didn't feel as if a marathon was approaching.

But then last Sunday night, I suddenly wasn't able to sleep. I've since identified many reasons for why this might have been (daylight savings time affecting my circadian rhythm, the house being too warm, the fact that I bought a new car that day, and the fact that I had slept so much the previous week that my body wasn't tired). Anyway, I tried to just brush it off on Monday and figured I would just make up for lost sleep on Monday night. Well, no, that didn't happen either. I only got 3-4 hours of off and on sleep and during that time I just felt so tortured. I woke up feeling like crap and I started to worry that this was becoming a pattern.  I went to see my sports psychologist, and that helped me a lot.

Finally, on Tuesday night, I slept. It was 7 hours and while I was hoping to make up for Sunday and Monday, I was happy to not have had another tortured night. When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I had this huge knot in my chest. I tried to ignore it, but the more I tired to ignore it, the tighter it got. Greg and I went on a 4-mile run, and my heart rate was elevated by 15 beats per minute. I was running a 8:45 pace, but my heart rate was as if I was running a 7:30 pace. And of course this freaked me out even more, and then I had a downward spiral from there, freaking out about the fact that I had a knot in my stomach and that I was experiencing physical anxiety.

I decided I wasn't even going to run the race. It wasn't worth all this physical anxiety. I was just going to call it quits before I even started. I hadn't expected I would feel like this in the week leading up to the race, and it upset me. I had worked so hard over the past nine months addressing my "perfectionist" attitude about marathons, and yet I was still getting knots in my chest and not sleeping.

After the run, Greg talked me down from my state of distress and I felt much better. Slowly, the knot in my chest went away. The key thing he told me was that my goal wasn't to eliminate anxiety, but to know how to manage it and react when it hit.

Back to the sports psychologist I went and he gave me some great advice on how to focus my thoughts during the next few days.

By Thursday I was feeling better. During my run, my heart rate was elevated by only 5 beats per minute. Still not ideal, but it proved that I was able to lower it from the previous day. Knowing that I had the power to lower it gave me hope and made me feel more in control. I wore the heart rate monitor while running, but I didn't look at the numbers until post-run, which was a good idea. During the run, I stayed focused on the music I was listening to and did everything I could to keep myself positive.

Thursday's run was perhaps just as big of an accomplishment as the marathon itself. Yes, running a marathon is very hard. But for me, being able to manage my anxiety and stay positive when all signs pointed to me having yet another bad marathon experience was huge. I had overcome a major hurdle. Even though it seemed like my anxiety would cause me to have yet another bad marathon experience, I did not let it become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I fought hard against it and insisted on staying positive.

I had a horrible start to my week, but I was getting back on track instead of continuing the downward spiral.

I slept decently Thursday night, and woke up feeling good on Friday morning.

Packet Pickup, Dinner, Etc.
Once Greg and I left the house, I started to feel excited and even more relaxed. Yes! We had a nice trip to Annapolis, got our bibs, browsed around a few stores and had dinner. I was living in the moment and not stressing or obsessing about the next day.

I met up with a friend and her running club after dinner, and it was awesome to get to chat with her for awhile.

Finally, it was time for bed. I kept waking up every hour and didn't sleep well, but by this point, I didn't think it really mattered. I was in an "I'll take what I can get" mode in terms of sleep. (I'm down by about 15 hours for the week at this point- I sure do hope I sleep tonight!)

Pre-Race
I felt pretty calm before the race. Greg and I got up, I had my typical breakfast, went to the bathroom a lot, and we were off. I kept going back and forth between long sleeves and a singlet with arm warmers. I eventually decided on long sleeves since it was supposed to be 43 and raining for most of the race. There was a 100% chance of rain starting at 11:00 and I didn't want to get hypothermia like I had at a previous rainy marathon. I also wore a hat to keep the water off of my face.

We got to the race about 30 minutes before it started and I went in search of a bathroom, as per usual. The bathrooms were located inside the fitness club that was hosting the race. The line was long, but it moved quickly. My sports psychologist pointed out that I get un-necessarily anxious when the lines are long and I fear not being able to use a bathroom. He told me that I can't control the bathroom line, so instead of focusing on it, I should really just think about whatever I would be thinking about if I weren't in line. So, I started talking to the woman behind me and asked her a bunch of questions about where she lived, where she worked, etc. The time went by quickly and before I knew it, I had only 5 minutes left and I was still in line. Well, instead of letting it bother me and throw me off my game, I just accepted it and headed to the start line without getting to pee.

Greg, who is coming off an injury, was running the first 5 miles with me. Since I know that my anxiety is at its highest early in the race, this was the best time for him to be there. The plan was for us to treat it like a training run and talk as we normally do.

Miles 1-5
Greg and I started slow. I didn't even bother looking at the Garmin for the first mile because I knew it was super slow and was good with that. During mile 2, I found a porta potty and stopped to use it. I didn't worry about how it would affect my time, I just knew it was something that had to be done, so I did it and moved on.

Greg and I really enjoyed these miles. The weather was perfect-- overcast and 43. It was nice to be running in a new area. We even joked about how there were water stops on our training run. And how people on our training run were wearing race bibs. Laughing and chatting away made the miles tick by fast and distracted me from what I was really doing. Greg held my water bottle for me (filled with G2), which was a huge help. I took a Honey Stinger gel at mile 5.

Mile 1: 8:53
Mile 2: 8:59 (includes bathroom stop)
Mile 3: 8:31
Mile 4: 8:36
Mile 5: 8:29

Miles 6-11
These miles were my favorite part of the race. I knew that I was over the initial hump and I was still feeling good, so all signs were pointing toward a strong race. I turned my music on and let it carry me. I got into a groove and everything felt awesome. During mile 6-7 I was chatting with this guy about his race history. I normally would never be so chatty during a race, but I needed all the distractions I could get. Ultimately I went ahead of him because my plan was to speed up after the 10K point. I didn't want the speed up to be like "Okay, it's been 6.2 miles, now is the time to start racing it!" I didn't even want to feel like I was getting faster, I just decided to give a little more energy.

I had a huge smile on my face. I high-fived the little kids, I said thanks to the volunteers, and I just soaked it all in. I just felt so, so happy to be in a marathon where my body was cooperating. The weather was perfect, the course was nice and it was just amazing. This is why I run marathons. I used to get this feeling back in 2006-2007 when I was new to marathons, but ever since I decided I wanted to BQ, I'd taken myself too seriously to high-five the kids or "waste" the energy to thank the volunteers.

Mile 6: 8:35
Mile 7: 8:20
Mile 8: 8:21
Mile 9: 8:26
Mile 10: 8:18
Mile 11: 8:26

Miles 12-18
I took my second gel at mile 11.5. I had been drinking a bottle of G2, and finished it at around this point. I threw the bottle away (actually found a trash can) and I knew I would be getting another one from Greg at mile 12.5. It felt awesome to not be holding a water bottle anymore.

Mile 12.5

Greg was waiting for me where I expected and I breezed by him, taking the second bottle of G2. It was completely full, and I knew I wasn't going to drink the whole thing, so I squirted some out so it wouldn't be as heavy. The music was still motivating me. I was still running strong. There were some minor inclines and declines on the trail, which I knew were subtly impacting my speed, so I didn't get hung up on the Garmin. I was looking at the Garmin about 1-2 times per mile, which is a lot less than I used to do. It was for informational purposes only, and I never let it change what I was doing. Even when it said 8:00 at one point, I just kept on going at the same effort level.

I realized that the paces I was running probably weren't going to get me to a BQ, but I wanted to play it safe given my lack of sleep that week. I wanted to avoid a crash at all costs. And I knew that if I was feeling good, I could just really turn on the gas during the last 10K.

The turn around was at mile 16.5, and there was a big hill. I knew that the course had one major hill, but I didn't know where. And this was it. It felt like a dream to go down the hill, but going back up didn't feel as good. I had actually ditched the water bottle at mile 14, so I was in search of a water stop. I felt myself craving water, which is never good in a race, but I figured one would show up soon enough. Mentally, it felt great to have hit the turnaround point, even though there was that huge hill still ahead of me.


Mile 12: 8:26
Mile 13: 8:31
Mile 14: 8:38
Mile 15: 8:22
Mile 16: 8:18 (fastest mile of the race)
Mile 17: 8:34

Miles 18-23
There was a long-awaited water station at mile 18. I was very thirsty so I quickly gulped down two cups of water. I took my 3rd honey out (which I had ideally wanted at mile 16, but there was no water there) and the minute I put it in my mouth, I felt like I was going to vomit, so I spit it out. After that, I still had the honey on my lips and when I got a taste of it, it made me feel sick.

I was at that water station for about a full minute. Stopping there for so long may have been a mistake because it made me realize that I no longer felt good. And now there was a pain in my chest and I felt like I needed to throw up.

Mile 20, Photo by Greg

The next few miles were just hellish. I went into survival mode. I didn't try to think about what caused it, I just did my best to power through it and prayed that it would go away soon. I kept burping, and each burp felt like a release, but the pain was still there. In retrospect I think a number of things could have contributed. It could have been anxiety-related because it was in the same area where I felt that knot in my chest earlier in the week, it could have been from drinking too much G2 early in the race, and no water. It could have been from gulping down the cups of water too quickly.

Anyway, the unfortunate thing was that I hadn't had any calories since I tossed the G2 at mile 14 and with the way I was feeling, I knew it would be nearly impossible to take any more in.

I knew to expect Greg shortly after mile 20 and I wanted to look good for him. I put on my best game face, but I walked as I approached him, threw down my gloves and my hat, and took a sip of water. The water made me feel like I needed to gag. I didn't even say anything to Greg other than that I couldn't drink the water. I didn't take the water with me, or the Honey Stinger chews. I walked away, and then slowly started to run again.

Meanwhile, the sun had come out! There had been a 100% chance of rain starting at 11:00, and instead of rain, we got sun. My hat had been completely un-necessary and my sleeves were rolled up. The weather was still nice-- I just wasn't dressed for it.

Mile 18: 8:24
Mile 19: 9:40 (includes water stop)
Mile 20: 9:10
Mile 21: 9:21
Mile 22: 9:40
Mile 23: 9:40

Miles 24-Finish
At this point, I told myself "You are going to run to mile marker 24. And then you will run to mile marker 25. And then, marker 26." I didn't think of it as three more miles. I thought of it as manageable chunks of distance. Thinking about it like this was very helpful and gradually, my chest/stomach problem started to dissipate. Instead of getting frustrated and discouraged about how this was impacting my time, I powered through it, determined to have a strong finish. In the past, I think I probably would have given up mentally and turned it into more of a catastrophe than it needed to be. Plus, even though I was struggling I was still passing people.

I don't think anyone passed me from about mile 10 onward. It makes sense because I started on the slow side and then sped up. I was thankful that nobody passed me as I slowed down, because that would have been discouraging.

I looked down at my Garmin and realized I could still PR. My average pace per mile was 8:44 and my PR pace per mile was 8:49. I was determined to get it.

With two miles left to go, I came upon someone who was hanging in there, but obviously going slower than me. I said something encouraging to him as I passed. Before I knew it, he was by my side and we were running together. Yay! I had someone to run with. I kept saying "we got this" and my big smile returned. I knew that things were only going to get better as I felt strong again and my chest pain was now just a minor annoyance.

I can't say enough how great it felt to be feeling strong at the end of a marathon. I haven't had a strong marathon finish since March of 2008. It's been five years. It was euphoric. It didn't matter that my time would be slower than what I was physically capable of. All that mattered was that I was going to finish happy and strong, and that I was pulling someone else with me.

"I see mile marker 26!" I said. I got pumped up, we ran to mile 26 and then I realized if I sprinted I could get under 3:49. I ran that last 0.2 like the end of a 10K and my final kick was awesome. It was so awesome that I felt like I could have kept going. In fact, I think that if the race had been 28 miles, my overall overage pace would have been faster. Ironic, but true, since I had plenty of energy and my legs felt good.

Mile 24: 9:01
Mile 25: 8:55
Mile 26: 8:23
Last 0.2: (7:43 pace)

After the finish
I was actually perfectly coherent and I felt great. I've never felt so good at the end of the marathon. And not once during the entire race did my legs get tired or hurt. This proves that my training paid off and I was truly in shape for a much faster marathon. It's just that I wasn't able to exert the energy I had when I was in so much discomfort. And it's amazing I had the energy that I did given that I hardly drank any water from mile 18 to the finish, and my last calorie intake was mile 11.5.

My time was 3:48:50, good for 3rd female, ages 30-39. It was a small race.

I found Greg and he said "You look much better now than when I saw you last!" I was so happy! I haven't felt so satisfied with a marathon in years!  And the funny thing is, if I would have run a 3:48 last year at this time, I would have been crushed. If I had the exact same race experience, I would have been so upset that I didn't qualify for Boston despite how great my fitness level was and how hard I trained. It wouldn't have mattered that I broke 3:50 for the first time, or that I beat my PR by over 2:00. It would have been a depressing day of "this is so unfair, why can't I just run a good marathon". But not today. I was fulfilled in so many ways. And as for that fitness I built up? It's not going anywhere! I still have the Cherry Blossom 10-miler ahead of me!

We waited around for the awards, which were given pretty quickly. Thankfully, they didn't wait for the 7-hour finishers before giving them out. Normally with a time like mine, I wouldn't expect an age group award. However, being an out-and-back race, I hadn't seen too many women ahead of me. I won a $20 gift certificate to National Running Center. I think I was supposed to get a plaque, too, but I didn't realize that until after I left so I hope they mail it to me.

Final takeaways
The age group award and the PR were just the gravy in this race. I am most proud of how I conquered my pre-race anxiety and got to the start line feeling relaxed. This resulted in a strong, happy finish and an affirmation that I have made some major fitness gains over the past few months. Especially coming back from Mono last summer.

I really hope I never have a "hell week" again during my taper. But if I do, I know now that I can manage the physical anxiety, and that a sleep deficit won't kill my race. I actually felt great physically during the first 18 miles, and again during the last 2.

In terms of lessons learned, I think I need to drink both water and G2 early in the race. Since G2 is a watered down version of Gatorade, I figured it was kind of the same thing, but it's probably not. And also- never trust the weather, even if there is a 100% chance of something! I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I pushed a bit more before the stomach issues. I'm not thinking about that in terms of what I did wrong, but just for next time I would like to have more confidence and be a bit less conservative. This race was not focused on speed or testing my fitness-- it was about refining the process. I've made huge progress and I now know what I need to do next time.

I'm really, really tired right now and I'm looking forward to a relaxing evening.

A Hearty Appetite for What's On The Menu

One week from today, I will be running a marathon.  I have one goal for it: take whatever is available.

It used to be that the main thing I wanted out of racing was PRs. And then I realized I was selling myself short and missing out on a whole lot of wonderful things- simply because I wasn't looking for them and seeing that they were there for me. Here is a list of possible "menu items" for next Saturday, in no particular order:

• Enjoyment of running a low-key race
• Development and experience as a runner
• Finishing the race
• Having a strong finish
• Pride in knowing that I ran my best race possible for that day
• Feeling loved and supported by Greg who will be at several places on the course
• Learning what works and what doesn't work, so I can refine my process
• "Testing" where my physical and mental training have landed me so far
• Camaraderie with other runners
• PR
• BQ
• Excitement
• Feeling of "solace" without much crowd support and very few other runners
• That feeling of pushing through physical discomfort and enduring it until the end of the race
• Checking a new state off of my marathon list (I'm not going for all 50, but would like to do a lot of states)
• Getting into a "groove" in the early miles and finding a rhythm

What's going to be available? I don't know. But I fully intend to take as much as possible from what's on the menu next weekend! That's my only goal. I probably won't get all of these things, but I will definitely get most of them as long as I am looking for them. I don't want to miss out. Yes, I would love a new marathon PR, but that's just one thing on a very long list. 

I'm not going soft. I'm not lowering the bar. I will run this race to the best of my ability in whatever the circumstances may be. In fact, that's bullet number 4. It's just that I am really broadening my horizons on what I can get out of the event. 

Don't Over Think It!

Many people would say that somebody who is anxiety-prone like me shouldn't be over-thinking the marathon in this way and that I shouldn't think about it until race day. That approach didn't work for me last year when I tried it, so I'm not going to try it again. Avoidance is not a strategy to deal with anxiety-- instead, you have to think about things in a way that gives you assurance and confidence that you will be able to handle them.

Keeping in mind that my goal is to get as many bullet points that are available (I know that these are not all within my control) I know I will succeed. I think that a lot of my previous anxiety stemmed from not knowing how the race was going to play out. Was I going to bonk? Would I meet my goal time? What would my splits look like? 

Now I realize that: A) I can actually predict most of what will happen  B) For the things that I can't predict, I know how I will handle them, and that's actually what makes racing so exciting.

I can predict most of what will happen. I'll have a pretty good idea of what the weather will be a few days out. I know everything I'm going to do on race morning before the race starts. I know what the course is like-- I've studied the map. I know what pace I will start at and that I will evaluate that pace at the 10K mark to see if I should maintain it or speed up. I know that I will see Greg along the course and I know when I will take my gels. I know that at some point the race will start to feel hard and I will need to continue to push through it. I know that barring any stomach issues or injuries, I will finish the race. 

There are a few things I can't predict. I don't know how I will feel and at what point the race will start to get tough. I don't know if I will have stomach issues. I can't predict what my splits will be or what my finish time will be.  But these unknowns are okay! If I do have stomach issues or if the race starts to feel hard early on, I will deal with it. If I could predict my splits and if I did know my exact finish time in advance, well then-- where's the excitement of actually racing?

Other Thoughts

• I trained so that I would be physically prepared to run this race. If I struggle during this marathon, it doesn't diminish my hard work-- my training will serve me well at future races this spring.
• It's been 5 years since I've had a strong marathon finish, but I don't feel like I am "due". It will happen when it's meant to happen. And it hasn't happened within the past 5 years for a reason
• A marathon time goal is far less significant than all the other goals I am working on this year. I'm working on overhauling a perfectionist mindset that I've had my entire life. Showing progress in that area is far more meaningful to me than a time. 
• I have a great deal of evidence to show that I can be happy, proud, and satisfied when a race doesn't go as well as I would have liked. The Love Rox half marathon is perhaps the best example of that.
• I also have evidence that focusing on doing my best will make me feel physically and mentally strong during a race.

I feel ready for this marathon. I've been sleeping well, feeling strong, and staying focused on "taking what's available" next Saturday.

Bright (and windy) Beginnings 5K

A few weeks ago, my coach suggested that everyone on the team run the Bright Beginnings 5K that took place this morning. He was so keen on us doing it that he labeled it as the day's workout and there would be no scheduled long run. I wouldn't have opted to run a 5K two weeks out from a marathon because I think it's too short to be a good predictor of marathon fitness. However, I thought it would be fun to run a race with so many teammates and I'd get a good workout in. Plus if my coach is recommending it, there must be something to it!

I was in Chicago this week for work and I flew home last night. My flight was supposed to get in at 7:35pm but it was delayed by an hour. And the delay was while we were on the plane, waiting to take off so it's not like I go to walk around or even use my iPad for entertainment. By the time I got home, it was around 9:00. Considering that I'm normally in bed by 9:00, this wasn't exactly ideal, but I still ended up with a decent night's sleep.

I woke up feeling pretty good and ready to race. Usually during the days before any race and I very focused on the race. However, this time I was completely chill about it. I honestly just saw it as a hard workout with my teammates and I didn't get nervous or anxious. I was looking forward to the race, but I didn't have my normal "excitement" that I typically get when I race.

Greg is unfortunately injured so he played cheerleader/spectator again. He drove and dropped me off near the start line since we were running a bit behind schedule. I can't emphasize enough how much I appreciate all his support. He was feeling tired and cold this morning but he still drove me to the race, dropped me off, parked kinda far away and came back to stand in the cold, windy weather to watch me race.

It was about 35 degrees, partly sunny and breezy. Being familiar with this course in West Potomac Park, I knew that it was flat, but could get windier than other areas in the city being so close to the water.

I warmed up for about a mile and a half with some teammates and was ready to go.

The race started about 10 minutes late because people were still picking up their bib numbers. We were all freezing cold at the start line, ready to get going, but the wait seemed to go on forever. We danced in place and stayed close to each other, trying to stay warm. There were about six runners on my team who were in my "group"-- running approximately the same pace as me. Two of these women ran the epic Love Rox half marathon with me two weekends ago. My plan was to try and stick with them and work as a team.

In terms of a time goal, I thought I was in shape to set a PR, and that I could probably run an average pace of around 6:50.

Mile 1

Mile 1, Photo by Cheryl Young

The race started and I felt great for about 2-3 minutes. And then the realization hit that this pace probably wasn't sustainable so I backed off and let my teammates get ahead of me. Never have I felt so crappy so early on in a 5K. At first I thought it was because I was pulled out too fast, but then once I backed off, I still felt sluggish. My coach was at the first mile marker calling of splits. It's always a great pick-me-up to see my coach in a race. I ran the first mile in 6:47, which was a little faster than my goal, but I knew there was a tailwind helping me out.

Mile 2
There's still two more miles of this? Oh my God, that seems like forever. I just didn't have "it" at this race. My sports psychologist refers to "it" as kinesthetic feel. He says that some days you have it and some days you don't. Performance is dynamic and some days you are in your groove, and on other days, you just can't find it. Well, I didn't have any kinesthetic feel. I typically have a mantra that goes through my head that keeps the rhythm steady and I feel energized. This morning, no mantra came to me and I just felt really "off". There was no rhythm to my running, I felt clumsy and tired, and I just wasn't really on. The turnaround was a rude awakening, because the nice tailwind was gone and I was running straight into a headwind. I hit the second mile in 6:53.

Mile 3

Mile 3, Photo by Cheryl Yong

The headwind during the last mile felt like it was pretty strong, but in reality it may have been like 10-15 mph.   Unfortunately I had lost sight of my teammates so there was no hope of running as a group to battle the wind.  I was just miserable during this mile. I used every mental trick I knew of to keep running strong, but I felt like I was running in place. I pushed as hard as I could and I gave everything I had- but it just wasn't there. The wind was coming directly at me, my face was freezing, I felt exhausted and I'm pretty sure my form was falling apart. Based on the two mile splits, I knew that all I had to do was run a 7:00 pace or faster and I would PR. I really wanted that PR but there was just nothing that could get me to go any faster. I ran a disappointing 7:20 which is slower than some of my half marathon miles from two weekends ago. I've run 6-mile tempo runs with faster miles in them. I think this speaks volumes to how crappy I was feeling during that last mile.

Final Kick
I almost always have a very strong final kick. Even in my crappiest races, I can almost always manage to find something left at the end. But not this time. I ran toward the finish line, looking at the clock and wanting to get under 22:00- so I pushed and pushed, but could only muster a 6:48 pace. In my past THREE half marathons, the last 0.1 was faster than this.

Final time was 21:47, average pace of 7:01.

I am not beating myself up over this and nor am I upset. In fact, I cannot believe I ran a 21:47 (just 18 seconds slower than my PR) feeling so crappy. And because I had nothing left to give in that final kick, I know I left it all out there and tried my best.

My key takeaways are:

Mile 3, Photo by Cheryl Young

• I gave it all I had despite feeling crappy. My lack of final kick is evidence of that.
• I didn't have "my groove" this morning (possibly because of my Chicago trip, or possibly for no particular reason at all)
• I ran a significant positive split, but that had a lot to do with the tailwind on the way out and the headwind coming back in.
• I enjoyed running a race that so many of my teammates were participating in
• Fitness-wise, I think I am definitely in my best shape ever. I don't think I could have ever previously run as fast while feeling so blah.
• I'm not upset or beating myself up-- in fact just the opposite-- which shows I've grown mentally.
• I didn't compare myself to my teammates. It would have been nice to run with them, but I accepted early on that it wasn't going to happen and I stayed focused on doing my personal best.
• I broke 22:00 for the second time ever.

My coach suggested I run 10-12 miles tomorrow, and I hope I'm not too sore! My primary focus for the next two weeks will be staying healthy from both an injury and illness perspective. I don't want to turn into a germ-phobe, but I do want to be mindful about washing my hands, taking vitamins and keeping a good distance between myself and co-workers who are sick. Thankfully I will not be getting on any more planes during the next two weeks. I plan to stretch and foam roll a lot, and if my legs are feeling too sore tomorrow, I won't sweat cutting the run short.

I'm glad to have another solid race under my belt this year!

Capital Area Runners post-race

Love Rox Half Marathon: 13.4 Miles of Chaos

Or 10 miles, depending on who you are. . . but I will get to that later.

I have this recurring dream where I'm running a race and it turns into an obstacle course, and then I somehow get off course. I think I'm winning when the truth is I'm just going the wrong way. The most common obstacle is a staircase, and when I get off course, nobody is around to tell me where to go. That dream came true this morning at the Love Rox half marathon in Richmond.

I registered for this race about three weeks ago, per the advice of my coach. He likes the idea of running a half marathon tune-up race four weeks out from a goal marathon. Love Rox in Richmond was perfectly timed for this, and with a 10:00am start, I could drive down the morning of the race without having to deal with a hotel.

Being the inaugural year, I thought there might be some hiccups. However, Richmond Multisports, the organization that was putting this race on, had a good reputation for organizing triathlons. The race website seemed very professional and it had a fun Valentine's day theme, with elements such as "proposal hot spots" along the course where you could propose to your loved one during the race.

The course description was also very attractive. The website advertised,  "The course is very flat with the exception of some small gradual inclines up to the Lee Bridge and a few short steps down to the Canal Walk before you hit the Capital Trail along Dock." I raised my eyebrows at the "short steps down" part, but I thought I could handle a few steps down during a half marathon. Having run this race, I can honestly say this description is completely inaccurate. In fact, I would characterize it as very hilly and the "few short steps down" were more like 4 major staircases-- two up and two down. (Photo is below).  Sure, a lot of courses say "fast and flat" when they are actually rolling hills, but there is no way you can characterize this course as "very flat" or even "somewhat flat".

Anyway, I went into the race a tad skeptical, but open-minded and optimistic about what the course would bring.

Before the Race
Greg and I left our house at 6:15 and arrived over an hour ahead of the 10:00am start. Greg did not run this race and came just to support me. What a sweetie! I noticed there were only about 10 porta-potties which seemed insufficient for a race of 1,000 runners. I used one right away, before there was any line. I tried to use one again about 25 minutes before the start, but the line was huge and I didn't want to wait out in the cold rain for it.

Patricia, Me, and Jessica pre-race

Greg and I waited in the semi-warm tent for the race to start. There was a huge print out of the course map, in which the start line had been moved. This seemed like a last minute change because it hadn't been communicated via email or on the website. I wondered why they moved it and what that meant for the course distance, but nobody seemed to know.

I found my CAR teammates Jessica and Patricia who were also skeptical about the course and organization. We said we were just going to "go with it" whatever it ended up being, but we weren't expecting greatness from the race course. We did a quick half-mile warmup and then it was time for the race to start.

The race website advertised chip timing, which I interpret to mean a starting mat and a finishing mat. Well, the new start line wasn't actually a start line. They gathered us all onto a grassy area and told us to stand between two cones. It ended up being an extremely wide start, and we'd all eventually end up running on a path after just 0.1 mile on the grass. (Oh yeah, and running on grass is another part of my recurring race dream. I hate doing it.) Below is a photo of this start line, if you can even call it that. The path on the right hand side of the photo is where all these runners merged onto after just 0.1 mile. Yeah, total congestion.

Mile 1
They counted down from five and then the horn honked. I just couldn't believe how ridiculous this start was, but I figured I'd be on a nice race course soon and the "ghetto race" feeling would end.

We started running and maybe about half a mile into it, we ran down a staircase, and then up a staircase. These were not small staircases or "short steps" by any stretch of the imagination. I didn't think this was right because I thought we would just run down a staircase-- not immediately back up another one. We got to the top and I was just running along starting to get into a groove post-staircase when I noticed that the people ahead of me didn't know where to go. The leaders started yelling out "where do we go?". Seriously, nobody knew where the course was. Finally, we realized we had to go back down the staircase, and we never should have gone up it to begin with. So in addition to the four "planned" staircase runs, a lack of direction made us run six staircases, and definitely lengthened the course. By the time I saw mile marker 1, my Garmin read 10:00. (The plan was to go out at a pace of around 7:45-7:50).

Miles 2-3
Everyone seemed so pissed about this. I actually thought that they would declare it a false start, stop the race and have everyone start over. That would have been a good thing, but no, the race continued. At that point, I pretty much new a PR wouldn't be happening, unless I somehow made up that time. I stayed optimistic and continued running.

We ran underneath a railroad track and a bridge, so the Garmin got all wacky. I had thought that even if I didn't get an accurate time due to the course screw up, at least I'd have good Garmin data. Well, not true. My Garmin data for this race was all over the map. And if you include miles with staircases, I ran those probably about 10-15 seconds per mile slower than if there had been no staircase.

It was cold (upper 30's) and raining. We weren't running on asphalt but other surfaces, like the sidewalk that's made out of those little rocks. And concrete. And there were tons of potholes everywhere. Someone posted on the race's Facebook wall afterwards: "The ducking through the flood wall was awkward. The potholes and uneven terrain made injuries a serious concern."  I agree, the course was not safe on many levels. The terrain was just a small part of that.

I stuck with Jessica and Patrica during these miles and we were taking it all in stride. I said "well, at least they have proposal hotspots!" Patricia said, "you guys both better propose to me!" And I said "we should all three get married on this course!" Obviously, the race management was focused on the wrong aspects of organization.

We hit a water station and Patrica couldn't get water. I was holding a bottle, so this didn't affect me, but she literally had to stop and wait for someone to get her water. This happened multiple times throughout the race.  There were not enough volunteers and the ones who were there didn't seem to be paying attention.

I have Garmin splits for this portion, but they are totally inaccurate due to running under a bridge.

Miles 4-5
Up another staircase and we were finally on what seemed to be a typical race course. Here is a photo of the staircase that we ended up running up 3 times, and down 3 times-- Greg took this photo of me running up (in the red shirt).

Yes, this is a serious staircase! You don't want six of these in your half marathon!

I lagged behind Patrica and Jessica on the staircase and didn't catch up to them afterwards. The gap between me and them got wider and wider and I started to get frustrated and lose confidence. Physically, I just felt like I was expending way too much effort to be at mile 5 of a half marathon and mentally I was drained from how horribly the course was designed. As I watched Patricia and Jessica fade away in the distance, I had some interesting self talk:

I think I'm just going to drop out. The time I get won't be an accurate reflection of where I am fitness wise, which is one of the main purposes of a tune-up race. I feel like shit. I don't want to have to run a second loop of this exhausting course. There is no way I will be able to maintain this pace for the rest of the race. This just isn't my day. When I see Greg at mile 7, I'm just going to call it quits. I'll still have legs fresh enough to do a long run tomorrow and salvage some training for this weekend. This course is a joke and it's not worth my effort.

What do I really want out of this race anyway? And that question made me think. Seriously think. All these months working with a sports psychologist, trying to focus on the process and not the outcome. And then the question became a good one-- What can I get out of this race? What will I miss out on if I quit?  

A lot! I'm not running this race with the sole purpose of PRing. I want to prove to myself that I can push hard when things get tough. I want this run to boost my confidence for future races. Even if my time sucks, I want to feel like I put out my best effort. Quitting is not my best effort. I know that I am of similar ability to Jessica and Patricia and there is no reason why they should be so far ahead of me. I can catch them, I know it! I am going to surge now and start putting forth some serious effort. I might crash later on, but I am going to push for it now! I'm going to race this one!

At that point, I put my foot on the gas and started passing people. I sped up quite a bit and the gap between me and Patricia was getting smaller and smaller. At one point, I passed a guy who said to me, "where are you going?" I laughed and then wizzed by. All of a sudden I felt energized. I felt good again! Wow!

I am so proud of myself. I just proved to myself that I can turn a negative attitude into a positive one by focusing on the process (not the race result) and by doing so, make myself feel better physically. It's amazing how much my improved mental state made me feel. I was peppy again and excited to be in a race.

Back to the race, this was an unsafe course. The road was not closed off to cars, so we had to run on a sidewalk. Not an ideal surface for someone with a history of stress fractures. Some people were running on the road anyway, myself included. I kept on passing people and surging ahead until I finally caught up with Patrica. Yay! It was great to be running with her, and I was able to feed off of her positive energy.

Miles 6-7
Aside from my improved mental state, another factor that came into play was that I think I just start to feel better once I hit mile 6 of a half marathon. In Disney, I didn't really feel good until after I got out of the Magic Kingdom, six miles into it. And so, I learned something valuable-- I can expect to not feel all that great the first few miles of a half marathon. It will get better, so I should  hang in there.

Another staircase! And very slippery surface!

There was a very steep downhill, (the same one that ended the Richmond marathon last fall) and I felt like I really had to hold back to prevent myself from falling. It was so steep that it was unsafe, and many of the Richmond marathoners I spoke to afterwards agreed. Not only was this hill steep, but we couldn't run on the road-- we had to use the sidewalk, so it was particularly slippery. No fun.

After mile marker 7, I knew to expect Greg, who was waiting for me with a replacement water bottle. I later learned that he was also helping out as a course Marshall, directing people on where to go. Since they were so light on volunteers and people didn't know where to go, he was actually directing people. One person actually made a rude comment to him, as if he was part of the course management.

Greg also noted that some people were coming down the staircase way before the leaders of the half marathon. He figured out that these folks actually missed the out-and-back because they were mis-directed, so their race was only 10 miles. Not only does this screw up their race, but it screws up the rankings for everyone else. Who knows how many people only ran 10 miles and are competing with people who ran the full course? Really horrible mis-management.

Miles 8-11
This race also had a 10K, which ran one loop of the course, but started at 10:45. This means that Patricia and I got to spend our entire second loop passing slower 10K runners. This might not have been an issue if we weren't forced onto narrow sidewalks and if there wasn't a portion that was an out-and-back, further crowding the course. It was really mentally draining to have to constantly be passing people.

Patricia and I couldn't really run side-by-side because we had to keep passing other people. It just sucked to have to run the entire race on the sidewalk and not get to use the road at all. They really should have closed off the course-- especially if they were creating a situation where half marathoners would be passing 10K runners for the entire second loop.

Even still, we kept each other in check, encouraging each other to stay strong and that we didn't have much farther to go.

Miles 12-Finish

Downhill finish, before the cobblestone

Hills. That's all I have to say here. Oh, and snow. It started to sleet/wet snow during the last two miles which made things even more interesting. But back to the hills. We had already done these monstrous hills on loop one and now we had to conquer them a second time, right at the end of the race. I toughed it out and stayed strong, screaming all the way down the hill because I thought I would fall over.

Even before we ran down the hill that was the same as the Richmond marathon finish, there was another even steeper downhill before that which I was certain I was going to fall on. And of course, all this while passing 10K runners.

At the bottom of the hill, about 30 feet before the finish line, we had the privilege of running over some serious cobblestone. It wasn't a long stretch, just enough to make you slow down considerably during what should be a final kick.

We crossed the finish line (there was no mat) and I was so grateful to be done with that race.

Trying to pass two 10K runners before the finish, cobblestone in background

Post-Race
I met up with Greg, who had a big bouquet of roses for me! I am so happy I actually finished the race because I would have felt guilty if I hadn't.

As was a common theme, Patrica went searching for the post race water and couldn't find it. I think she eventually did, but it wasn't at all obvious. I was freezing cold and so was Greg and the idea of sticking around for post-race festivities did not at all appeal to me.

We were curious about age group awards (not realizing there were people who only ran 10 miles who would be skewing them anyway). We couldn't tell from the results if we won anything but we suspected we didn't. My name actually didn't even appear in the results. I finished a few seconds behind Patricia, and her time was 1:43:xx but there was no record of me. The results aren't online yet, but I will update this blog when they are. My Garmin got 13.34, I think Patricia's was 13.4. Another teammate had 13.5. Sigh.

Takeaways
I actually got a lot out of this race. A lot more than I would have thought given the crappy organization and course.

• I've proven to myself that I can get over a mental slump in a race
• I've proven that getting over a mental slump also makes me feel better physically, and speed up when I am already thinking I am at full effort.
• I can put forth a solid effort and run a strong performance, even when I know a PR is out of the question
• When things don't go as expected, I can adapt and make adjustments
• I hit my "sweet spot" at around mile 6 of a half marathon, so I shouldn't worry if I am not "feeling it" before then.
• It helps to run with someone else. Especially with someone who has a great personality like Patricia, and who can help keep me motivated and positive.
• When things get tough during a race, I can remind myself what I am capable of physically and do it.

I have no official time, splits that are inaccurate and slower than they would be on a non-staircase course, and definitely no PR. But I ran very strong. Some of my miles clocked in as fast as 7:16 (not under the bridge). Others were closer to 8:00 due to staircases and hills. I was completely inconsistent pace wise, but very consistent effort wise once I made the decision that I was going to try my best.

A very valuable learning experience, and I'm glad I raced this one. Would I do it again next year? Definitely not.

Peak Week! (Part V)

Continuing with my tradition of blogging about my "peak week" of marathon training, I wanted to write a detailed report of this week, February 4-10. My total was 60 miles.

My weekly mileage hasn't been this high since the spring of 2010 (which I actually didn't blog about). After getting stress fractures in January of 2011, I decided I would try lower mileage for awhile, with swimming and pool running as cross training. This cycle, I removed the swimming and pool running and returned to higher mileage, along with strength training-- particularly core work. I am very thankful that I haven't gotten injured and that I've felt energized for the majority of my runs.

Previous Peak Weeks

• August 22, 2011: 51 miles
• August 9, 2009: 61 miles
• December 1, 2008: 56 miles
• August 17, 2008: 55 miles

The Big Picture
I know that many marathon plans "peak" 3 weeks out from race day. I prefer to peak 5-6 weeks out in terms of mileage and then do some tune-up races and some marathon pace workouts for the remainder of the cycle.

There wasn't a point when I "officially" started marathon training. I did create a 22-week plan when I was recovering from mono, which I have kept very closely to. I prefer to see myself as simply "training" rather than "marathon training" because it puts the focus more on the work itself and less on the end result.

Monday: 11 miles easy, avg. 8:46
I love starting the week with a 10-11 mile run. Technically, I refer to anything over 10 as a "medium-long" run in my log. I've discovered that if I truly keep these runs easy, my legs feel fresh enough for a interval workout the next day. This run went very well, but my legs did start to feel a little tired during the last mile. That's to be expected and if my legs never felt tired during a run, I would think that I could probably be doing more. It was 25 degrees and windy and I ran my typical residential route.

Tuesday: 8.5 miles, including 4 x 1200m
I did this workout with my team at the track in Arlington. It's a 25-minute drive to get there, and then 40 minutes to drive back to the gym near my office where I shower because of rush hour traffic. But it's worth it to run with such a great group and to have the coach encouraging you each lap. I warmed up for 2.4 miles, and then we started the workout. My times were 5:10, 5:01, 5:01, 4:58. Pace-wise, these are in the low 6:40's. I didn't look at my Garmin during the run, and although the coach was calling out splits at each lap, I have zero ability to do the math when I am running fast. I wasn't targeting any particular pace, I just put out an effort level that felt appropriate for 1200's. Recovery between each was a 500m jog. I then cooled down for 2.1 miles, giving me 8.5 for the day.

Wednesday: Rest + Stretching/Strengthening
Wednesday has been my scheduled rest day for most of this cycle. I know it would probably be ideal to have complete rest rather than to do core work and weights, but it's so hard to fit in strength training on the days when I am running so many miles.

Thursday: 10 miles, inc. 6 tempo avg. 7:29
On Thursday, I ran 2.5 miles warmup, 6 miles tempo, and 1.5 miles cooldown. I prefer a longer warmup in the winter and a shorter warmup in the summer, for obvious reasons! I don't think I have run a 6-mile tempo since the fall of 2011. I wasn't at all intimidated by this run because I knew all I had to do was keep my heart rate between 172-179 and I'd get the desired benefit. No pressure to run a particular pace. It was a pretty good morning for a tempo run-- 27 degrees and very little wind.

Mile 1: 7:31 (165 avg. HR)
Mile 2: 7:25 (174 avg. HR)
Mile 3: 7:34 (174 avg. HR) - net uphill
Mile 4: 7:32 (176 avg. HR)
Mile 5: 7:30 (176 avg. HR)
Mile 6: 7:15 (176 avg. HR)- net downhill

It definitely nice to finish on a downhill! I was very pleased with how I kept my effort level consistent and my heart rate reflected that.

Friday: 5.5 miles easy, avg. 8:44
I was pleasantly surprised at how peppy my legs felt after the previous day's tempo run. This was not a nice day for running- very cold, windy, overcast, but I got it done.

Saturday: 20.6 miles, avg. 8:56
I ran the Rock Creek Park loop with my teammates. A wind advisory was in effect, with sustained winds form 20-25 mph and higher gusts. The temperature was in the high 20's so this was really not ideal long-run weather. The wind kept waking me up the night before, so I hadn't slept well. In fact, for various reasons, I didn't sleep well this week at all. It didn't seem to affect my running, but I do want to make sure I get back on the right track with my sleep.

This Rock Creek Loop is much more challenging than my typical 20-mile residential route. The last 5 miles are noticeably downhill, but you pay for that in the first 15 which feel like they are primarily uphill. The coach recommends we hit marathon pace for the last 6 miles, which I did, but because they were all downhill, the 8:00 pace felt at the end of the run felt a little easier than the 9:00 uphill pace earlier in the run. I guess I'm just not used to so many hills. Once I finished, it felt great to have that run behind me, especially with such windy conditions.

Sunday: 4.4 miles easy, avg. 9:02
My legs felt great after the previous day's long run, but once again I didn't sleep well so I was pretty tired. I took a nap afterwards, so now I feel better.

It feels awesome to be logging this type of mileage and feeling good. I think I've finally found a training formula that works for me that I plan to repeat in future cycles.

The Never Ending Story Comes To An End

"The sphinx's eyes stay closed until someone who does not feel his own worth tries to pass by."

The Sphinx in The Never Ending Story

In the past, this is what the start line of a marathon was like for me.

I would cross the start line full of anxiety and self-doubt (although I didn't recognize it as self-doubt at the time) and the sphinx's eyes would open, zapping me as I crossed the start line. About 8-10 miles into the marathon, my body would start to feel as if it had been completely zapped and all of my running abilities magically taken away from me.

As I the start line draws closer and closer, complete with sphinx, I am trying my best to prepare so that I don't get hit by the sphinx's rays. Or maybe I'll even be strong enough to remove the sphinx completely. 

Nearly a year ago, I received a blog comment that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I have to admit that this comment irked me because I wasn't about to give up on the marathon. But I realized that I would continue to have DNFs if something about the equation didn't change.

The short story is that I had two marathon blow-ups in a row due to the heat, which made me put extreme pressure on myself to perform at subsequent marathons. So even when heat was removed from the equation, I was still subconsciously worried and doubting myself. And then it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I became so fearful that I would bonk again that inevitably, I would bonk. 

What am I doing to take the anxiety/self-doubt out of the equation? Two major things, and they're connected.

1. I "feel my own worth" as a person, not just as a runner.

2. I'm focused primarily on the process of the race, not the outcome. 

I will feel my own worth when I pass through the sphinx.

I value myself based on who I am at my core, not on the the things that I achieve. I'm thoughtful, sensitive, motivated, passionate, and a deep thinker. Nothing will change these core attributes and lately I've been taking the time to recognize them more and more through my actions and thoughts. I bring my passion and drive to my running, and there is no race result that will ever change that.

I'm focused on the process, not the PR.

Even though I recognized that focusing on my marathon time was contributing to the anxiety, I didn't know how NOT to focus on it. I wanted so badly to run a marathon that reflected all my hard work and I couldn't ignore that desire. Now, I don't need that result to validate my hard work or the fitness level I have attained. I've gotten so much out of my training, as I mentioned in my last post, and nothing will take that away from me. Months and months of hard work are far more meaningful than how my body decides it's going to perform on just one day. And as I said in the previous post, I'm not doing the training with the focus of the marathon as the goal. Although I have structured my workouts so that I will be prepared to run the marathon that I'm registered for, I don't constantly find myself thinking about "what does this workout mean for the marathon"? I just don't think about that anymore. I've stopped speculating.

I've proven that I can focus on the process and tie emotion to that. For each race I've run since I recovered from mono, I was primarily focused on my training and my race strategy- not the outcome. I've never really liked the "just do your best" motto because I wanted results. But now I see that there is pride in doing my best and I am not in complete control of the race result. I'm not a machine, and my body performs differently on different days. I've accepted that and have therefore set more realistic expectations.

Everything happens for a reason. When my sports psychologist said this to me, I was thinking of it on a spiritual level. For example, I didn't get mono because I caught a virus but because I was supposed to learn something from it. (It's true that I got it from the virus, but when I think of why I got it, I think of what I was supposed to learn). He was talking more on the scientific level: I've had six marathon blow-ups for very specific reasons: heat, lack of sleep, race anxiety, stomach distress, etc. If I remove those elements, then there is no reason for a 7th blow-up.  If it's hot, I will adjust my pacing strategy to run slower. I can prevent lack of sleep and anxiety by removing the pressure I put on myself to perform. I now know what I can and can't eat before and during the race, so I can reduce the chances of stomach distress. Things are changing, so there's no reason for me to think I'd have another blow-up.

Here's me at my next marathon: 

Marathon Training: In The Thick Of It

I haven't blogged much about the specifics of my training lately. I'm really trying to stay focused on the big picture and not get wrapped out in any one workout, one week, or one race. While I naturally get super excited when a run goes better than expected, I keep myself in check by remembering I don't base anything off of "one"-- good or bad. I am looking for patterns in my training runs to assess progress.

This training cycle feels different from previous ones, both physically and mentally.

Physical Aspects
Physically, (insert huge knock on wood) I feel fantastic. No tweaks or even lingering muscle soreness. I'm running six days a week and when my rest days arrive, I don't even feel like I need them. I am running 5, 6, or even 7 miles the day after my long run and my legs don't even feel like they ran long the day before. I haven't even had my standard calf soreness during the past month. I'm sometimes logging both a tempo and an interval workout in the same week and I am exceeding my expected paces every time, simply by running on feel or heart rate. I'm successfully meeting the weekly mileage goals I set out for myself, and sometimes going a little bit above because everything feels so good.  I hope this lasts, I hope this lasts, I hope this lasts!

Maybe it's because I am almost always training for a marathon and the mono forced me to take a much-needed break. Maybe I came back super refreshed and ready to tackle the world. Maybe it's because I'm getting better sleep than I have been in years. Maybe it's because I'm more suited to winter running than any other season. I am at my best in the high 30's and low 40's. Not having to battle heat and humidity every day makes things so much easier. And maybe it's because I'm not forcing certain paces on myself during my runs, but just doing what feels to be the right effort level.

Mental Aspects
That brings me to the mental aspect of my training. I've blogged about this extensively ever since last May when I made the commitment to working through my anxiety issues and underlying perfectionism. It's not that I don't care about my paces or my race results. It's just that I am super focused on enjoying the day-to-day training and watching the miles accumulate in my log. I know I am becoming a better runner in so many ways and I don't need PRs to prove it.

I am getting more satisfaction out of the training than ever before. And I think that's coming from the structured "reviews" I am doing after my runs. I am purposefully looking for the positive and feeding my confidence. I haven't had any "bad" runs in months. Why? Because I don't believe in bad runs anymore. Only runs where I didn't feel all that great so I had to slow the pace. Just getting the miles in on days like those is a huge accomplishment. I expect that I will have days that feel un-energized, but as I said above, I don't base anything on just "one". If I had 5 days in a row of feeling off, then I would start to figure out the problem. But one day here and there of feeling tired is completely normal.

I know I'm getting faster and I think that within the past month I've reached a new level of fitness. I honestly think I could PR any distance right now. But believe it or not, I'm far more thankful that I'm able to train injury free and have things feel good. That's really what's most important to me- feeling good while running and truly being able to enjoy it. I'm just as happy with my running now as I was in November when I was still coming back from mono and not nearly as fast. The specific pace doesn't matter as much as the knowledge that I am improving. Happiness is coming from doing the work, logging the miles, and trying my best. I very much appreciate that I am faster, but I take far more pride in the high mileage I have logged and the consistency I have put out.

I guess I've changed.

Details
What Racing Stripes training blog is complete without a graph? Even though I am less of a perfectionist now, I still love my charts. If someone told me that I would be better off if I didn't keep a log or look at charts, I would resist forcefully! I don't obsess over the mileage here, but I do enjoy giving myself a pat on the back when I see those totals rise.

In terms of my plan, I created my own plan back in October that incorporated a mix of elements. I took the long run and interval schedule from my coach, I based the mileage on the basic principle of a gradual increase, and I based the intensity on various factors:

Intervals: Run by feel, don't look at Garmin. My coach has a pace chart that he suggests we try to come close to for these workouts, but I've been running intervals long enough that I know what the effort level should be. I run better if I don't try to hit a particular time but rather just put out a solid effort level. It takes the pressure off and allows me to focus on feel. As a result, I am running these much faster than I did in any previous training cycle. With the exception of yesterday when I ran with my team, I have been doing my interval workouts solo. I enjoy the group workouts more, but the solo ones are great for pushing myself and finding my own rhythm. I plan to mix up solo workouts with team workouts as the cycle continues.

Tempo: Run by heart rate. The VO2 max test I took last May gave me my Lactate Threshold heart rate zone. I stick to this very closely and always wear a heart rate monitor during tempo runs. Since I know what the zone feels like, I am not constantly looking down at my heart rate. But if I start to feel like I am exerting too much effort, I keep myself in check by looking at the heart rate. As the chart shows, I didn't do tempo runs for nearly a month because I had a 10K race and a half marathon. Those races took the place of my tempo runs. I'll do a tempo run this week and next week, which will be three weeks in a row of solid tempos.

Long Runs: So far, I have kept almost all of my long runs easy. My coach suggests a fast finish at marathon pace approach for all long runs, but given how long my training cycle has been, I wanted to reserve those runs for later in the cycle and not burn myself out too early on them. I'm just now getting the point where I feel ready to start doing those fast-finish long runs at marathon pace, or adding marathon pace miles into the long runs as my coach suggests. So far, I have done a 20-miler and a 21-miler. I have two more 20+ milers on the schedule before the marathon, which will give me a total of 4. I've never done that many before but my body is holding up pretty well so far.

I couldn't be more pleased with how my training has progressed over the past several months.I hope to continue the trend in February!

Cold Weather Running Musings

The big news in the Washington D.C. metro area is that it's cold! Yes, temperatures are below average but it's really nothing that should be seen as out of the ordinary. This weather is to be expected in mid-January and I can deal with it. I have to admit I do start to complain when it's 80 degrees in March or if there's 50 MPH winds or something out of the ordinary. But weather that's perfectly in line with the time of year and not some extreme weather event doesn't at all bother me.

And with that, I present some observations and opinions on marathon training in winter weather.

Having the Right Tools
An analogy my sports psychologist frequently uses is that of having the right "tools" to handle certain situations. He says that if it's 20 degrees out and all you have on is shorts and a t-shirt, you won't feel prepared to go outside. But if you have a warm coat and some gloves, then you'd feel better about the situation. Kind of obvious, but it's useful to think about in terms of my past marathon anxiety issues. In the past, I would go out and try to run a marathon without the proper tools. It was the equivalent of going outside in 20-degree weather in just shorts and a t-shirt. As a result, I was anxious and my body would react to the extent that I couldn't even finish the race.

Now, I have many tools in my arsenal to manage potential race anxiety. I have a hat and a warm pair of gloves and some fleece-lined pants. Also known as a process-focused mindset, a realistic understanding of the wide range of outcomes that could occur, and separation of myself as a person from my running. I understand which elements elements of the race I will control and which ones I won't, and I have ways of feeling in control at times when I might have otherwise felt out of control. Simply knowing that I have these tools and I've used them successfully in past races makes me feel confident and more relaxed going into the marathon. While there are no guarantees that I won't blow-up, I have no reason to believe that it would happen again, given that I am starting the race in an entirely different spot.

Tool Recommendations
Moving toward the more literal definition of tool, I have discovered some great running gear to help me feel comfortable in temperatures in the teen's. I typically don't review running products in my blog, but I make exceptions for items that are extremely helpful.

Brooks Wanganui Cabrio Mittens

• Smart Wool socks. The ones I use are almost as thin as my summer socks but keep my feet from going numb. This is no easy task as I have a pretty bad case of Reynaud's syndrome in my feet. The key, though, is to start running as soon as I get outside so my feet don't  have a chance to get cold beforehand. 
• Mizuno Breath Thermo base layers. I have a pair of Mizuno Breath Thermo gloves and a Breath Thermo half-zip shirt.On their own, they are okay, but they really work their magic as a base layer. Why? Because when you sweat, the material supposedly gets warmer so instead of the sweat making you cold, it makes you warm. This is an important property for the layer that's closest to your skin.
• Brooks Wanganui Cabrio Mittens. The Mizuno gloves don't do much on their own, but when warn with Brooks Cabrio Mittens and a set of Little Hotties hand warmers, they are awesome. Here's how it works: the Mizuno gloves are the base layer, then I put on the Brooks mittens, which are convertible into gloves. I insert one pair of the hand warmers into each glove (two pairs total) so that both the outside and the inside of my fingers are warmed. This solution kept my hands from going numb on a 9-mile run in 12 degree weather.
• Brooks Utopia Thermal Pants. My sister got me these for Christmas and they are a must-have. Last winter, I had to put tights underneath other running pants so that my butt and legs wouldn't freeze.  And that solution was uncomfortable and still very cold. These new Brooks pants are fantastic! I reserve them for temperatures under 25 degrees and they keep my legs and butt warm while still being a lightweight material. They are expensive, but I don't think I could run in such cold temperatures without a pair of pants of this caliber.

You don't get a medal for training in the cold.

While I do believe that training "in the elements" is valuable, it's okay to draw a line somewhere and opt for a treadmill. You can get just as good of a workout on a treadmill as you can outside, but there are some caveats. The primary one is injury. While a treadmill is arguably a softer and more forgiving surface than the road, most people change their gait on a treadmill. If you do nearly all of your running outdoors and then switch to a treadmill, your gait will alter and there is the potential for injury. That's how I ended up with three stress fractures a few winters ago. I also did treadmill intervals on a business trip back in October and my legs were sore for two days after. I had to pool run when I got home because they were so sore. That would not have happened on a track.

Putting the injury potential aside, I think that treadmill running can be useful when the roads are icy and unsafe. Or if you just don't feel like bundling up and going out in the cold. There is really no shame in running on a treadmill-- and there is really nothing commendable about running in very cold weather. You do what you need to do to get the training in.

Personally, I will opt for the 'mill if the road is icy and I'm worried about slipping. I'll also do the treadmill if there's a thunderstorm or more than 25 mph sustained winds. And occasionally on business trips if there is nowhere safe to run. However, I will not run more than 8 miles on a treadmill at a time. And I won't run on it more than 2-3 days a week. And as I learned in October, I won't do treadmill intervals anymore. Pool running would be preferable.

Scheduling Flexibility Is Important

I like having a training plan and I have one now. I went without training plans for about a year because I wanted to take things one week at a time, but now I am focused on the big picture and it's important to know what my overall training cycle will look like. The key thing to remember with a plan is that it should be flexible based on how your body feels and on life circumstances. Winter weather is a life circumstance that warrants some scheduling flexibility.

This week, I had planned to run my tempo run on Thursday. Wednesday was a scheduled rest day. I woke up on Wednesday morning and my legs did not feel like they needed to rest. I looked at the forecast and noticed it was supposed to snow that evening, meaning the roads would potentially be unsafe for Thursday's tempo. The current weather was 12 degrees with very minimal wind. No snow or ice on the ground. Pretty nice weather for a tempo, and if I had waited until Thursday I wouldn't have been able to do it at all. 

I adjusted on the spot. Got dressed in my trusty Brooks Utopia pants and layered on the gloves/mittens and did my tempo a day early. The run was fantastic-- my fastest 5-mile tempo ever while keeping my heart rate in the low LT zone. Including warmup and cooldown it was 9 miles total and it felt good! Actually it was much more comfortable than running a tempo in 70-degree weather. I just don't run very well in the heat/humidity so I will take 12 degrees over 70 on a speed work day or a race day.

I had my rest day on Thursday when there was snow on the ground and I did a short treadmill run this morning as there was still snow and ice. I'm not sure how I will manage my long run tomorrow with this ice and snow on the ground, but I'll try to find a mile or two of non-slippery pavement to run back and forth on. My teammates are running the Rock Creek loop (which may or may not be icy), but I need to stay close to home because of other plans I've made.

I think I've belabored this topic long enough! I'm looking forward to some warming next week so that the ice and snow will melt and running outside will be safe.