Boston Marathon 2025: Smiling all the way

I just completed my 5th Boston Marathon in Boston! (I have to say "in Boston" because I also ran the virtual marathon in 2020 which was not physically in Boston). Previous races were 2016, 2018, 2022, and 2024. 

I started a tradition of doing the even years even though I have qualified every year since 2018. But last year's race was so exhilarating that I didn't want to skip a year before returning. One of the reasons why I initially didn't want to run Boston every year was to have the opportunity to experience other spring marathons. So I ran the One City Marathon in early March for a PR, and Boston for fun. 

Background
Two weeks after One City, I ran the NYC Half marathon. This was also "for fun" and not for time because I knew I wasn't fully recovered from One City. I'm glad I did it, but running 13.1 miles on hills so soon after a PR marathon meant a prolonged recovery.  It took me two additional weeks to feel like I was back to 100% - which is four weeks total.

That left me with only 3 weeks left until Boston. My original plan had me running 16-18 miles three weeks out and 18-19 miles two weeks out. But neither of those runs happened. I maxed out at 13.1. Both weekends were warm, humid, and windy, and I felt zonked. Plus my hamstring was flaring up. I briefly considered not running Boston given my lack of preparation and hamstring, but ultimately I decided to go for it and hope for the best. 

My original goal had been to set a course PR (sub 3:24), but based on how the seven weeks between the two marathons went, I thought that would be a real stretch. The day before the race I settled on sub-3:30 as a realistic time goal, but the priority was still to have fun and finish healthy. 

Race Weekend
We arrived on Saturday morning , met up with friends for lunch, and then went to the expo to pick up my bib. We normally fly in on Friday afternoon, but this year with the house move we planned for only three nights. As a result, packet pickup was much more crowded than normal, and I didn't even attempt to shop at the expo. Then we went to the finish line where we met up with more friends. 

One of the things that makes Boston so special is not the race itself, but the weekend leading up to the race. I have so many friends that run this race and it's a great opportunity to see everyone and soak in all the hype. 

On Sunday morning I did a 2.5-mile shakeout run with some friends I know from Instagram and also a young woman named Cera, who I had met in 2017 on an Alaskan running cruise. After the shakeout run, I hung out with my friends for a bit, showered and then met up with another Instagram friend for lunch. I had started interacting with her on Instagram in 2017 and this was my first time meeting her in person. 

To get to our dinner restaurant, we walked through the convention center. It was 5:00 on Sunday evening and the expo hall was still open and not crowded. Because we didn't walk around the expo on Saturday, we stopped in to see if there was any gear left in my size. And there was! I bought a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved t-shirt with a unicorn on it. 

For dinner it was just Greg and me, and I had the same meal from the same restaurant that I ate at in 2024. My standard pre-race dinner is chicken parm, no cheese. After that, it was time to head back to the hotel and get some sleep. 

Throughout the weekend I made sure to hydrate, knowing that it would be a sunny day and warmer than ideal. I also did way more walking than I should have for the days before a marathon, but I didn't go to Boston to hang out in my hotel room so it was worth it. 

We stayed at the Colonnade Hotel, which is very close to the finish line and expo. I slept better than I usually do in hotel rooms and I found the bed + pillows to be quite comfortable. 

Before the Race
I woke up naturally at around 4:15 and hung out in bed until around 5:15. I am normally never hungry until around 8:00, so I didn't eat very much. I had half of a banana and about 4 almond butter pretzels at around 6:00. I got dressed, and Greg wrote "Elizabeth Clor" on my back so that people running behind me would know it was me, from Instagram! The night before I had written an elevation "cheat sheet" on my arm so I would know when to expect hills. 

Normally when I race, no matter if it's a 5K, 10K, or marathon, I wake up with nervous jitters that make me need to go to the bathroom. But because I had such a casual attitude about this race, I didn't have to use the bathroom immediately. After I ate my small snack, that got things going somewhat, but I was worried that I didn't have my normal "intestinal cleanse". I tried thinking about my pacing strategy and visualizing myself in the race to induce that kind of nervousness, but it didn't come. 

As I said above, so much of Boston is about the weekend itself and everything that happens before you even line up at the start. I almost felt like I had come for the party, and the race was just the thing everyone did on Monday as the final celebratory step. So I wasn't nervous or anxious at all, and in retrospect, some pre-race jitters would have served me well!

We left our hotel at 6:40 and met up with my friend Cera at 7:00. Our bus would begin loading at 7:30, so we wanted to be there in plenty of time. Cera and I met up with my friend Caroline and her friend Danielle + a woman named Sarah. We now had five people in our group. Then, a young woman approached Cera saying "hey - I ran with you at Erie" and both of them were so excited. Now we had a group of six. Then another woman named Morgan asked if she could join our group and of course we said yes. From there, we were a solid group of seven and we would spend the next two hours together. 

I said goodbye to Greg and he headed towards the commuter train which would bring him all the way out to the 10K point in Framingham. 

Bus + Athlete's Village
The bus ride was epic. The seven of us gathered in the back of the bus and the bus took off. Our driver had NPR news blaring and we wanted music. So we all started singing and finally the bus driver got the message that we wanted music and not political radio. This is really the essence of the Boston Marathon - you meet so many amazing people and form instant friendships. During the bus ride I had a mini bagel and a good amount of almond butter filled pretzels - I would say around 20. I also sipped my water + Skratch Labs hydration. 

We got off the bus and headed into Athlete's village, straight towards the porta potty lines. I was really hoping that I would be able to use the bathroom significantly, but I had no luck. The seven of us then found a spot to sit down. It was so much fun being part of such a lively group of women, many of whom were running their first Boston. I applied sunscreen and did some light hamstring stretches. I fiddled with my shoelaces until I found the perfect amount of tightness. I tried going to the bathroom again right before our wave was called but no luck. I didn't feel like I had to use the bathroom, but usually I have a much more significant clean-out pre-race.

Our group finally split up as our wave was called to the starting corrals. We walked about 3/4 of a mile and the vibe was so strong! I stayed with Cera who was the only one in our group who was in corral 5. It was sunny and around 55 degrees. According the forecast it wasn't supposed to rise above 60, but I am pretty sure it did. 

There was not a cloud in the sky, the temperature ranged from 55-62, and we had some light winds as we headed into Boston. I give this a 6 out of 10 on my personal race weather scale. I'm thankful that it wasn't humid and that it wasn't quite as hot as last year. I'm also thankful that it wasn't raining because that makes Athlete's village miserable. But, the sun got me quite a bit. I felt hot throughout most of the race and despite my best sunscreening efforts, my neck and right arm still burned. This was excellent spectating weather!

As we approached the corrals, I knew there was one final chance to use the bathroom. I didn't take it because I didn't feel like I needed to go. But once we passed the porta potties, I started feeling like maybe I should have tried. About 20 minutes before the race started I had a UCAN gel. I like having a UCAN gel before I start running because it's a slow-release, long lasting steady energy supply.

Miles 1-6
Cera had expressed a desire to run with me, but I knew she would be faster than me. We stayed together for the first mile and then I hung back. My mantra for these miles was "just chill". I decided that my goal would be to run at what felt like easy-medium effort with the goal of feeling better than ever during that last 10K. I was going to be super conservative. With a marathon pace of 7:22 just seven weeks ago on a flat course, I felt like I was really holding back running around 7:45-8:00 downhill. 

Lots of runners passed me and I was totally fine with that. I had my plan. I wasn't going to try and hit any particular paces, I was just going to chill out and relax. I focused on everything that was happening around me, not the pace on my watch. I carried a bottle of water mixed with Skratch labs hydration mix. I used this same mixture for my last Boston on a hot day and it worked really well. I still stopped at the water stations to pour water over my head and on my chest. I felt hot right from the start, and I hoped it wouldn't continue to get warmer. 

Having my name on my back was awesome. So many of the passing runners told me that they followed me on Instagram and that they loved my content. It was so amazing and so rewarding. I work hard every day to post something on Instagram that I think will be encouraging, informative, or entertaining. Even though my posts receive a large amount of comments and likes, it's not the same as having people in "real life" approach me and tell me that my content has made a difference in their lives, or that they appreciate what I do. 

One of my followers even made a sign for me at mile four. They sent me DM and told me to be on the lookout and I was!

I had my first Maurten gel 40 minutes into the race. It went down easily and I was feeling good. I experienced little hints of hamstring tightness here and there but for the most part, it was fine.

Mile 1: 7:50
Mile 2: 7:44
Mile 3: 7:46
Mile 4: 7:54

Mile 5: 8:02

Mile 6: 7:50

These first six miles were executed exactly to plan. They were mostly downhill miles so they had a "real feel" of around 8:10-8:20, which is within my easy range. I didn't display heart rate on my watch during the run, but looking back at it now, it was about 10 BPM higher than normal for these paces on downhills. I attribute that to the heat and to the fact that I was running later in the day than normal. 

Miles 7-11
I knew exactly where to look for Greg. He would be right around the 10K mark in Framingham. Last year he got an epic photo of me from that location and we tried to recreate it. I spotted him in his bright jacket before he spotted me. Even though I tried to perfectly position myself for the photo and not have anyone
directly in front of me, it didn't work out. There were too many people between his camera and me and only two seconds of an un-obstructed view. It's unfortunate because the MarathonFoto pictures lately have

used some weird filters and do not look natural. Regardless, seeing Greg out there supporting me was still the main highlight of the day!

I found myself naturally slowing down a bit over the next few miles. These miles featured rolling hills and there wasn't as much downhill as the first 10K, so I figured everything was fine. Until - it wasn't. Suddenly during the 11th mile I started feeling really bad. My legs were okay but I felt tired and generally not good. Then came the stomach cramp and then I realized that I needed a bathroom ASAP! I had almost no warning.

Thankfully the Boston course has frequent porta potties, so I stopped at my next opportunity which was a few minutes later. Unfortunately, someone was already waiting in line. UGH. I briefly considered running to the next porta potty to avoid having to wait, but the situation was too dire. Finally it was my turn and it was a huge relief. I lost even more time because I couldn't get the toilet paper off the roll. I had to open the second roll, and then find where to tear it. This whole episode cost me a little over 3 minutes. Not the end of the world, but also not great. 

When I exited the porta potty, the course was mostly empty. It was like being in the twilight zone. Where had all the runners gone? I realized that the rest of wave 2 must have pulled ahead and this was the empty space between waves 2 and 3. It was cool to have so much space, but it didn't feel like the Boston

Wellesley: few runners around!

Marathon at that moment! I ended up spending the next 10 miles in the most un-crowded Boston I have ever experienced. 

Mile 12 was the famous Wellesley scream tunnel. According to tradition, you are supposed to kiss a Wellesley girl. I did not do that, but I kept blowing kisses all the way through. Plus, I was the only person they had to cheer for because the course was so empty! I felt like such an elite!!! This was definitely one of my favorite moments- having all of those people screaming and cheering and me being one of the only runners. 

Mile 7: 7:44
Mile 8: 8:08
Mile 9: 8:00 
Mile 10: 8:10
Mile 11: 8:23 

Mile 12: 11:24 (OUCH)

As you can see from these splits, everything was fine until mile 11 when I started cramping, and then I had to stop during mile 12. 

Miles 13-19
I was optimistic that my bathroom stop would mean a fresh re-boot for me. I could continue on at my 8:00 pace and potentially run around 3:30. I did feel much better and I made sure to drink plenty of Gatorade on course to replenish my electrolytes. I had already finished my own bottle by that point. I crossed the halfway mark just before 1:48:55, which put me on track for just under 3:38. Not the time I had been hoping for - but hey- maybe I could negative split by avoiding the bathroom in the second half!

The next few miles were encouraging. My spirits were high and I remained relaxed, reminding myself that I needed to save some energy for the hills. Miles 13 and 14 were 8:09 and 7:56 so I had every reason to believe that I could finish strong. My hamstring was holding up and I was feeling good. 

I continued happily along, smiling all the way. Runners continued to come up from behind me and tell me that they followed me on Instagram. Even spectators cheered for me by name and yelled out that they liked my Instagram! Wow- what an incredible feeling. I continued running strong for miles 15 and 16 (8:12 and 7:55). But then the Newton hills came. The real work of Boston. 

I felt like I had plenty of pep and energy. All of my gels had gone down well, so it seemed like my digestive distress was behind me. Fueling can be challenging for me during a marathon, so the fact that I didn't feel nauseous was a good sign. It also meant that I wasn't racing at full effort, because it's that all-out effort which creates the urge to vomit. 

About those hills. . . they were hard. I slowed down on them but not to a huge extent. I increased my effort level and managed to get up the first two in good shape. Miles 17 and 18 were 8:27 and 8:23. If all went well I could still actually negative split! I was somewhat encouraged, but then the hills just kept coming. 

I saw my friend Shana cheering for me during mile 18, which was a huge pick me up (she was the person I had lunch with on Saturday). I was running strong and I felt good so I wanted to show that. I think I had caught up to some of the wave 2 people by this point but the road was still relatively empty compared to what it normally is. 

Mile 13: 8:09
Mile 14: 7:56
Mile 15: 8:12
Mile 16: 7:55
Mile 17: 8:27
Mile 18: 8:23

Mile 19: 8:33

Miles 20-23
Mile 19 looks fine at 8:33, but this mile was mostly downhill. So yep, my legs were starting to fail me. They failed fast. I had been hoping to avoid this with my conservative start but nope. By the time heartbreak hill rolled around running felt almost impossible. There was also what I call the "fake Heartbreak Hill" which is a smaller hill before the real hill. It makes you think you are starting heartbreak hill, only to be confronted with a much bigger hill a bit later. They really need a sign that says "Heartbreak Hill Starts Here". They have a sign at the top of the hill, but it's kind of nice to know when it starts!

I managed to get up the hill without walking. I did a very slow jog but it was a jog and not a walk. I was proud of that. Mile 20 was 9:50 and Mile 21 was 11:01. Ouch. I took an entire bathroom stop during mile 12 and that mile was just slightly slower than this heartbreak hill mile! As I climbed the hill, I focused on all the spectators and on all the runners around me. Some people were walking, some people were running pretty fast, and some people were going at my pace. It was a very "inclusive" hill- for runners of all paces! The hill welcomes all runners, but not all runners welcome it. 

Once I got to the top I felt so proud of myself for powering through. 

Next up was a long downhill which also felt nice and cool. I think the temperature started to drop the closer we got to Boston. There was also a slight breeze. I didn't have the benefit of being in a pack of runners so the wind was more noticeable than it otherwise would have been. 

My relief was short lived. With zero warning at all, I suddenly had to use the bathroom again. I stopped and asked a police officer if there was one at the gas station I could use (he was standing in front of one). He said no, but he pointed me down the street to more porta potties up ahead. Thankfully there was no line and the toilet paper was much more accessible. When I finished I walked to the Gatorade stop that was close by and stopped to drink the full cup. I knew I needed those electrolytes. Hopefully I would get another clean slate and feel good for the rest of the race. The course was quite crowded again, so I guess wave three finally caught up!

Mile 20: 9:50
Mile 21: 11:01
Mile 22: 9:48
Mile 23: 11:27

Miles 24-Finish
At this point all time goals were off the table. I decided to just do the best I could, focus on the cheering crowds and the other runners, and enjoy the moment. Not once did I get discouraged or upset or feel sorry for myself. Instead, I was filled with gratitude that my body allowed me to get as far as it did. There had been times earlier in the race when I wondered if I would even make it to the finish. Nothing would stop me now though. Thankfully, my legs allowed me to keep running and I didn't have to walk. 

Final turn on Boylston

I saw Greg right after the mile 25 marker. I had been thinking about him tracking me through much of the race and I wondered what he thought of the inconsistencies in my splits. I wanted to show him that I was ok and that I was in good spirits. 

According to Strava, I ran my fastest ever "Climb To Zion" segment. This is a 0.12 mile segment around mile 24 with 18 feet of elevation gain and for some reason, it was my fastest ever! I have always struggled at the very end of Boston, but it was good to know that even though this was my slowest Boston, I was able to be strong for that one section. 

As I approached the finish I told myself to really give it everything I had- to dig deep and try to squeeze every last second I could. I was super proud of my final kick - much stronger than it was last year when I ran a course PR. This year's race was full of ups and downs, whereas last year I stayed strong until about mile 23. I managed to run the last half mile at a pace of 8:23!

Mile 24: 9:06 (not bad!!!!)
Mile 25: 9:08 (pretty darn good)
Mile 26: 9:25
Last 0.5: 8:23

I crossed with an official time of 3:50:38.

After the Race
After crossing the finish line, I slowly made my way to get my medal, post-race food bag and heat sheet. It felt so amazing to finally be done! I reunited with Greg near our hotel and I was so happy to see him! He took a few photos and videos and then it was time to relax in the hotel room. There's nothing like getting
back to the hotel room and finally being able to rest after a marathon. It always feels so good!

I checked to see how all of my friends' races went and most people seemed to have a better day than I did out there! But that's okay - this was not my goal race and I did what I could with what I was given. I was happy for all of my friends who crushed it, especially the "Spectacular Seven" group from the bus! 

Later that evening Greg and I met up with a large group of friends for dinner at the Capital Grille. We stayed up until 11:00 which is WAY past my bedtime but it was worth it. Once again, I felt like I came for the party and the race was just something we all did. 

Final Thoughts and Key Takeaways
If you just look at my time, you might think I was disappointed by this race. But I'm really not. I knew going into it that it wasn't my goal race, I hadn't really trained since I ran my marathon seven weeks ago, the weather was warm, and I had digestive problems. I did the best I could with the cards I was dealt and I enjoyed every minute of that race. I don't think I ever smiled so much during a marathon. 

My Instagram Friends and me post race

The last time I ran slower than 3:50 was in 2013 at the New York City marathon, where I was also plagued with digestive distress and bathroom stops. That race was just three weeks after Chicago, it wasn't a goal race, and I hadn't been able to empty my digestive system beforehand for similar reasons - I didn't have pre-race jitters. If I had to guess why I had digestive problems I am 95% sure that is the reason. I didn't eat anything different and the timing of my food was the same as it was for my previous Bostons. I know I need some level of anxiousness to kick my digestive system into gear before the race. 

This was my slowest Boston Marathon and my slowest marathon in over 10 years, but it says nothing about my fitness. I just ran a time of 3:14 seven weeks ago! It does, however, motivate me to properly train for Boston next year and race it at full effort.

I am kind of bummed that I didn't "beat my bib" - which means placing higher than my bib number in the field. I've always beaten my bib and this is the first time I have not.  

There's not a ton to analyze here. I wish I had felt better on the course and that my legs had held up longer, but I am not entirely surprised. The digestive issues were a surprise and a good reminder that pre-race jitters serve a purpose.

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for this weekend filled with so many incredible people and an unforgettable experience. 

Boston Marathon Packing List

I'm flying out tomorrow to run my 6th Boston Marathon!  Here's what I'm bringing:

A Cranky Hamstring
I ran the One City Marathon 7 weeks ago. That was my goal race for the spring and I ran a PR of 3:14:42.
I am running Boston for fun and because I love connecting with all of my runner friends from around the country. The original plan was to run an 18 miler and a 20 miler in the middle of this seven week period, but that never happened. 

Two weeks after the marathon, I ran the NYC Half Marathon. Even though I ran that race "easy" it set me back because I never recovered fully from One City. I was sore for days afterward so I took about three days off. When I resumed running, my right hamstring, which was nagging me in between the two races, started acting up. 

It turns out I have some mild tendonitis in my lower hamstring as well as my upper hamstring. I have been going to physical therapy weekly and doing all the recovery things, but the hamstring has been up and down. Sometimes I feel like it's 100% better. But other times, it really speaks to me. 

I have run two really encouraging track workouts since the NYC Half. Both of these workouts confirmed that I have not lost any speed and in fact, my speed is as fast as it's ever been! Both workouts were 100% free of any hamstring pain! But the long runs have really irritated the hamstring. I have run 13.1 miles twice, including the NYC Half. My third longest run was 11 miles. So I feel quite unprepared from an endurance perspective. It could be that my hamstring really loves the flat surface of the track but doesn't like anything remotely hilly. That would be problematic for Boston.

As much as I would love to leave this cranky hamstring at home - it's coming with me. For better or for worse!

adidas Adios Pro 2 Shoes
Last year I took a gamble and ran Boston in a brand new pair of shoes-- the ASICS Metaspeed Sky Paris. I had never run more than three miles in them prior to the race. They ended up working out well, but I decided against wearing them again because they only have a 5mm drop, which irritates my Achilles. 

Over the past several weeks I have tried numerous carbon fiber plated shoes. My favorite was the Nike Alphafly 3, but I didn't have the opportunity to run long enough in them to want to wear them on race day. I also liked the Brooks Hyperion Elite PB, but they started to feel firmer than I would have liked towards the end of a 13-miler. In order to want to wear them in a marathon, I would like to test them out for 18-20 miles.

As a contrast to last year's risky shoe choice, I am playing it safe this year with the Adios Pro 2. The only remaining pair I have boasts my half marathon PR and my full marathon PR from December-- before I ran One City. Ideally my marathon shoes would have fewer miles on them, but I think the Adios Pro 2 is a true workhorse that will still perform well with 50+ miles. I did try the Adios Pro 4 and that was a nightmare. My big toe was hitting the top of the shoe in my normal size, so I sized up and that was a mistake. The fit was sloppy, my feet were sliding all over the place, I got a blister, and my Achilles hurt from the 6mm drop. Adidas ruined their best shoe, in my honest opinion. 

One of the reasons I am playing it safe with my shoe choice is that there is so much uncertainty in other areas of my life-- I don't need shoe uncertainty on top of that.

Tifosi Sunglasses and Light Horse Track Club Gear
The weather is looking pretty good! It might rival the 2022 weather for my best Boston weather. The current forecast shows that it will start in the low 50s and rise to the upper 50s by the end, with sunny skies. Sunscreen and sunglasses will be a must!

I'll be racing in my Light Horse Track Club crop top and rabbit shorts - which have so many pockets for my gels. This will be my first time racing Boston in a "club" outfit, unless you consider my McMillan shirt from 2018 to be a club. 

What I'm NOT taking with me
Now we get to the heart of the blog. There's something I am trying very hard to NOT bring with me this weekend: the emotional state that I've been in for the past four weeks. The past four weeks have been plagued with frustration, anxiety, and anger. I am working very hard to shake these emotions, but I haven't done a good job of it.

We put our house on the market on February 28 because the builder of our new home told us that we were obligated to close on the new house on March 31. We were in no hurry to sell our home. No hurry to move. We timed the sale of our house to correspond with the purchase of the new one.

As expected, we had a contract on our house the first weekend we listed it, with a close date that coincided with the purchase of the new house.  The contract allowed for a short rent-back so we would have two weeks to move. Everything was going exactly as planned.

11 days before we were scheduled to close on our new home, our builder informed us that they didn't get the Certificate of Occupancy, which is a permit needed for us to occupy the house. The reason they provided was that they failed to get a VDOT permit for the work they did to construct our driveway, and they didn't give us a new settlement date. They estimated 4-8 weeks, but no guarantees. They told us that the house itself was built and inspected and fully approved, the only issue was a driveway permit.

Surely it couldn't take 4-8 weeks to get a driveway permit, and if so, surely that couldn't prevent us from moving in! Because the builder didn't give us any details, I contacted the government myself and they told me that the driveway permit was just one issue. The builder received a notice of violation a week earlier which included many more issues aside from the driveway. The notice stated that they violated the original site plan by disturbing land in the "tree protection" area. As a result, all five trees on our property (which are over 50 feet tall) would need to be removed and new trees planted. But none of this work could be done until they first provided a new site plan that complied with forest conservation standards.

We went back to our builder and asked them why they didn't mention the tree situation to us, and they said that they had no idea about the trees. It was unclear if they were lying to us to cover up the fact that they violated the site plan, or if they were just incompetent and didn't read the entire violation notice.

Since that date, the builder has sent us mixed messages about the process to get the certificate of occupancy (do the trees need to be planted or not?) and they revealed themselves to be completely incompetent, or inefficient at best. They received their violation over a month ago and as of today, we still haven't seen any tree work. 

The builder is being extremely vague with their communication. When we ask for an update we are told "we are working on a VDOT permit and we will update you when we have it." They don't even have a phone number where we can call them - they rely on WhatsApp messaging. Even more sketchy - they have forbidden us to contact VDOT or the county. They told us that we would be in breach of contract because it's considered "interference". 

The contract we signed with them protects them in every way, and is silent about protecting us. This delay has financial implications for us, and we could end up with no home if we can't close before our rent-back ends. We are literally living on borrowed time! We are forever grateful to our buyers for allowing us to rent back the house, but the end date is fast approaching. 

Where we are right now: the builder is not communicating anything to us aside from "they are working on it," we are in breach of contract if we contact the government, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about the situation. On the plus side, we did have a walk-through and ordered an independent home inspection. The house itself is in excellent shape, and is move-in ready. We are satisfied with the overall quality of the build. But we cannot purchase it and move in until the builder gets a VDOT permit (timeline unknown) and they remove trees/plant new ones.

This has led me to experience:

Anxiety: I have very little visibility into the situation and there are so many unknowns. I honestly feel like I am going to have all of my belongings in a dark, dusty storage area somewhere, including my piano while I live in limbo for God knows how long. The lack of control is very difficult for me.

Frustration: I had to un-schedule everything I had planned for the move (utilities, movers, address change, furniture deliveries, blinds installation, etc) and put it on pause and will now have to re-do it all. We're incurring lender fees (the builder agreed to pay half of them) - and they are steep. 

Anger: The builder messed up and they are completely unapologetic about this and do not seem to care or acknowledge that this is more than an "inconvenience" for us. When they first communicated the delay to us it was over WhatsApp and the message said "sorry for the inconvenience". They aren't transparent, they have forbidden us to contact the government, they are moving very slowly, and they don't care. We hate them. 

So............ where do we go from here? Greg and I have agreed that we need to make a conscious effort to NOT let this impact our mental health and our Boston Marathon weekend. We don't want to carry it with us. I have now unloaded it onto this blog and hopefully that's where it will stay. 

This situation is testing me and I am learning a lot. I am learning that I hold onto anger and anxiety because if I "let it go," it would invalidate my feelings. Like if I can just go about my life and be happy and shove this to the side, maybe it's not such a big deal. And I have this need to prove to myself and the world that it IS a big deal. So I grasp onto it tightly. 

This mindset is similar to how I used to approach marathons in my early 30s. If I didn't get REALLY UPSET about missing a time goal, then it would be like I didn't care. I had to get very upset to prove to myself and to those around me that a BQ mattered. The "oh well, I'll try again next time" attitude, to me, meant that I wasn't serious about qualifying for Boston. I was very serious, and my way of showing it was to get depressed and upset when I missed my goal. 

I have no control over the housing situation. I have very limited visibility into what is really going on. There's no resolution date in sight. I have to accept these facts, and realize that no amount of worrying and marinating in it will change that. I need to trust and remember that:

• The builder is financially motivated to move quickly because they want their money.
• If we are displaced from our current house, we can handle it. It won't be pretty, but we can get through it. 
• The builder is legally obligated to sell us that house - so we will get it at some point.
• Even though this has financial implications for us, it's not financial hardship or ruin.
• The best thing for me is to enjoy Boston - I shouldn't let the builder take that away from me too.

Right now it feels like we are not getting that house, but we will. We definitely will get that house.

What's on my packing list? Confidence. Positivity. Mental strength. Self-awareness. Self-care.

Track me on Monday with bib number 13694.