Over It.

Running didn't really happen for me in July due to a stress reaction in my left shin and some high hamstring tendonitis. For the month, I logged a grand total of 4 miles over the course of 3 runs-- all of them being "test runs". This morning I had a successful jog/walk session so I plan to start getting back into things next week.

I've been busy pool running, swimming and using the elliptical. I've been doing tempos and intervals on the elliptical, to the extent that I really feel it in my lungs and I am fairly certain that my VO2 max is being maintained. The effort is substantial and I am left feeling like I did a hard workout. I did a jog/walk this morning and the 9:30 pace felt like a 9:30 pace, so I am optimistic about where my fitness is. Definitely not obsessing over it since I know I will gain back eventually.

Where I've mainly been seeing progress is my mentality and attitude about running, and and about life in general. My primary goals for the year had little to do with training and running performance and mainly to do with mental strength. I think I've had a breakthrough. And the breakthrough is that I'm over it.

Worrying about what other people think of me-- I'm over it. Comparing my race times to others-- I'm over that too. Obsessing over getting every run in and following a training plan perfectly-- over that. Revolving my whole life and mental space around my next marathon and my training for it-- done with it.

I'm basically just sick of all the crap I put myself through in trying to improve my race times and it serves no

And if I don't run it perfectly, that's totally cool!

purpose. It's not going to make me a better runner. It's only going to undermine me and hurt me so why do I do it? It's okay that I took a month off of running. It's okay if I don't PR in Chicago. It's okay if I go for a year or two without setting a PR. Everything is my choice and nobody else cares about it to the extent that I do. Nobody is pressuring me to do any of these things except me. And I'm done with it.

That realization is so liberating and I can still remember the moment in the locker room of my building when it just kind of hit me. I had just finished an elliptical workout and I started to think about what my time off from running meant for me. But I just stopped short and realized that it doesn't matter to me the way it used to. It's my life and I can do whatever I want. I was exhausted from the elliptical. I was doing my best to maintain my fitness by doing activities that I didn't particularly enjoy and my best is good enough. Whatever happens in the fall is completely okay. And I honestly felt it, I didn't just force those thoughts into my brain because I know I'm "supposed" to be thinking along those lines.

One of my biggest roadblocks was that I never saw my line of thinking as being hurtful to me. In fact, I have always thought pretty highly of myself in terms of my hard work and motivation to accomplish things. It wasn't me who was hurting myself-- I was just reacting to the bad things that came my way.

When things didn't go well for me during a race, or really for most things in life, I would focus heavily on what went wrong and just wonder why I couldn't have what I wanted. This often led to post-marathon depression. I saw myself as sensitive and emotional about stuff, and that's just who I was. I couldn't help it if I got upset.

The breakthrough is that by focusing on these things that upset me-- I am hurting myself. Even though I'm not saying "Elizabeth you suck," by holding on to the disappointment and analyzing the situation over and over again, that's hurtful to me. If someone else had a race that didn't go well, I wouldn't spend hours talking them through all the details of how and why, and then comparing them to other people. That's not helpful. I'd want them to just move past it and get over it quickly.

Getting over it quickly doesn't mean you don't care or that you don't feel your emotions. It's just that you make the decision not to focus on things that hurt you. You make a decision to focus on things you can control and doing your best at those.

Many of my teammates ran a 1-mile race on a track a few weeks ago and I went to cheer them on. On the ride home, I started to feel a little sad that I was injured and unable to participate. And then I started wondering what my time would have been-- but very quickly I shut that down. I realized that I truly was "over it" and none of this mattered. I needed to focus on getting healthy again, period. And I drove all the way home feeling at peace with the fact that I didn't run and that I didn't speculate about what my time would have been. It was really nice.

I'm excited and curious to see how this breakthrough will look as I return to running. The best way I can describe it is a feeling of freedom. I feel free to do whatever I want and it's just okay.

Three Things

Bad things happen in threes. Like my three stress fractures. To combat this, I have decided to make good things happen in threes too. In fact, here are three sets of three:

1. Three Types of Cross Training

My cross training has consisted of using the elliptical, pool running and swimming.

I typically use the elliptical twice a week, with one of these times being at tempo effort. I monitor my heart rate closely and usually I am at the top of my tempo zone, if not above it (the gym is really hot, so I think that account for an elevated HR). During easy elliptical workouts, I amuse myself by listening to podcasts from How Stuff Works. I've chosen a variety of topics including the the origin of Christmas, the economic bailout, FDA regulation of supplements, contagious laughter, blood pressure, the sun, memory, population studies, the lottery and many others. I am interested in a lot of different things! During tempo workouts, I have to listen to very pumped up music to keep me going.

I'm also a huge fan of pool running, and I have mentioned this in the past. I usually do pool running 3 times a week, with one of those days being a "long run" of at least two hours and another day being an interval day. The third day is easy pool running combined with swimming. For those of you who don't know much about deep water running, here is a video of me:

The third type of cross training is swimming-- always freestyle. I don't do any other stroke or any type of drill. I just swim back and forth freestyle because it's what I'm comfortable with and I think it provides a challenging workout. I typically swim about 2-3 times a week. I almost always accompany my long run with a swim so that I am in the pool for well over two hours. On my easy pool running days, I am also sure to swim so that I can get my heart rate up. 

Swimming is tough for me during the first 5-10 laps but gets remarkably easier as the workout goes on. I think it's because I find that "sweet spot" of speed and form that works for me. My longest swim with this injury has been 1500 yards (30 laps). Usually I do around 20-25. Swimming comes naturally because I grew up as a dancer, so the bilateral breathing thing that a lot of people struggle with is just like a dance movement to me. I was never on a swim team, but I was a lifeguard and taught swimming to small children. The only thing I dislike about swimming is that sharing a lane is tough for me. I have to watch out for that other person so I can't focus on my form, my breathing, or remembering what lap I'm on. I would hate to be taking a gasp of air right at the moment when that person is splashing and swallow a huge mouthful of water. 

2. Three Fun Challenges/Distractions

I'm a very goal-oriented person, and since I don't have my weekly mileage goals to fulfill that need, I have other hobbies and associated goals. Playing chess, singing Glee Karoake, and tiling the kitchen floor. 

Kitchen Tile

Tiling the kitchen floor isn't something that I am going to do myself, but picking out the tile, finding a good contractor and deciding on a pattern is quite a task. We are also re-doing our powder room which involves picking out a new toilet, sink, and lighting fixture. Shopping for a toilet with my new husband isn't the most romantic thing we have done together, but it's been fun. We finally made all of our decisions, now we just have to purchase the materials and wait for the work to start in early April. We ended up going with large 19" by 19" tiles in a slate color. Like a blackish grey, and with a lot of texture. We have light cabinets and light hardwoods in the neighboring rooms, so we though the black would be a good contrast.

The next challenge/hobby is Glee Karaoke for the iPad. This app is extremely addictive and can be very good or bad for the ego. I've downloaded about 10 songs that I can sing and be rated on. My two best songs are "No Air" originally by Jordan Sparks and "Hello" originally by Lionel Ritchie. My main goal was to be ranked in the top 100 of all time for No Air, out of over thousands of performances. I started out in the 900's and now I have worked my way up to 116. That top 100 is so close. There are also daily rankings, and my performance of No Air was ranked #1 for the day at the time I sang it. There had only been 81 other recordings at that point, but I think 1 out of 81 is pretty good! My "Hello" ranking once reached #4 for the day out of hundreds and I would like to see that one do as well as No Air.  Songs I suck at are "Take A Bow" and "Total Eclipse of the Heart". But they're still fun to sing.

Perhaps the biggest focus for me has been playing chess. Greg got me a really nice set for Christmas, like I have always wanted, and we have been playing all the time. On the weekends it's not uncommon for us to play 5-6 games. Sometimes more. I've also joined some tournaments on chess.com and playing people from all over the world. Another major opponent is Greg's dad, who we both play online at chess.com.

Chess is another hobby that involves rankings (I am so competitive) and my ranking is slightly above average.  I've been playing since I was six years old but I've never really studied it, and there have been long periods (years) when I have gone without playing it.  Usually because I lacked an opponent. But now I am discovering new ways of thinking about the game and I'm a much stronger player than I was before this recent obsession.

3. Three Consolation Gifts
I'm very upset about this injury ruining my spring racing season, so I bought myself a few presents-- jewelry, clothing and a car stereo w/iPod.

New Earrings

I went to a jewelry party a few weeks ago where they have jewelry on display and in a catalog and you buy stuff. Like the tupperware parties, but with jewelry. I splurged and bought myself two new necklaces and two pairs of earrings. And then a few days later, I went to White House Black Market and bought myself three more necklaces and another pair of earrings. I usually wear the same three necklaces that I've had for about 10 years, so it was time for a change.

During my White House Black Market trip, I also bought myself two new outfits. New, stylish clothing always makes me feel so refreshed and puts me in a good mood. I wore one of my outfits this week and it just felt fun.

The major gift to myself was the new car stereo and a Nano to go with it. I've always wanted the ability to listen to my iPod from my car, so I bought a stereo that has both an auxiliary input and a USB input. Since my iPod Nano "lives" in its waterproof casing and isn't synced with my iTunes library because of a computer virus that wiped out a lot of the songs that are now exclusively on the Nano, I treated myself to the new Nano. The new Nano has a touch screen and can clip on to your clothing. Of course, none of these features matter when controlling it through the car stereo, but they are cool anyway. Considering I have three shuffles, an iPad and an older Nano, this purchase was a bit irrational, but I wanted it as a consolation gift.

So those are my coping strategies and they've worked decently well. I'm now to the point where I am running every other day, about four miles at a time. Not enough to keep my fitness where I want to be, so I am still cross training almost as much as when I couldn't run at all.