Mississauga Marathon Race Report: Staying Strong

Yesterday morning, Greg and I ran the Mississauga Marathon in Ontario, Canada-- just outside of Toronto.

I chose this race because I wanted to run a later spring marathon due to a hectic work schedule in January and February. I figured I should find one up north with a better chance of cooler temperatures. I had heard about the Mississauga Marathon from one of my friends who lives in Canada who raves about it every year. The elevation profile looked flat, and the first 10 miles were actually a net downhill. And the fact that Toronto is only an hour-long flight made the race even more appealing.

Goals for the Race and Mental Prep
My primary goal for the race was to build on the mindset I had during the Cherry Blossom 10-miler: continue
to push hard when things get tough. Expect for the race to be difficult. Have a plan for staying mentally

positive and pushing through tough times. Be confident in knowing that I will be able to deal with whatever the race throws at me.

I focused heavily on this goal during the two weeks leading up to the marathon. I knew I needed to have a

Cherry Blossom 10-miler

mindset of "I push through and I don't give up." Every day I sit in traffic for 45-60 minutes. And I never get angry or frustrated or annoyed by the traffic. I expect it, accept it, and deal with it. I rarely arrive home in a bad mood because of it. I signed up for this traffic when I took this new job last July and so I have ways of coping with it so I stay relaxed. Similarly, when I sign up for a marathon, or any race for that matter, I should expect that it will be hard and it will hurt. And sometimes it will be a lot harder than I think it "should" be. Regardless, I need to accept it and know exactly how I will deal with it when it happens. I'm not somebody who gets angry at traffic during my commute. And I'm not somebody who gets discouraged when a race throws a curve ball.

So that's where my focus was going into the race. I wasn't hung up on a particular time goal, although I had a range of times that I though was realistic given my fitness level. As I result, I slept better than I ever had in the week leading up to the race. Not only did I get enough hours, but they were quality hours. I woke up feeling completely rested and relaxed, as opposed to practically jumping out of bed like I used to do.

I think it's fair to say that I had very little, if any anxiety about this race. And that's because I felt completely in control. When I used to focus so much on my goal time, it would stress me out because I didn't know if I would get it. There was this huge fear of the unknown. But by focusing on what I could control-- my mental will to stay strong-- I remained as cool as a cucumber.

Before the race ever began I felt like I had achieved so much.

• The taper didn't feel like something to "survive"-- it was just a normal two weeks. 
• My sleep was restful and I got enough of it
• I was injury free: I had felt a hip injury coming on in mid-March, which I staved off through strengthening exercises and religious foam rolling
• I had come to terms with Boston. Years ago I decided that it was a huge goal of mine. And when I kept missing my qualifying time, it became a monkey on my back. So I changed my attitude toward Boston and I ignored it. I just pretended that it didn't exist and that I wasn't going to let it influence my running at all. But finally, a few days before the race, I realized that I want to run Boston but it doesn't define who I am as a runner or a person. It's just something I'd like to do eventually and the fact that I haven't done it yet doesn't make me any less of a runner. It's not a goal or a dream of mine. But it's also not something that I am ignoring. It's just a race with a qualifying time that I'll run eventually. 

I felt really proud of myself for overcoming so many mental obstacles, that executing the race would just be icing on the cake. 

Before the Race

Greg and I were cutting it close with a flight that was scheduled to land in Toronto at 1:00pm. The expo closed at 5:00pm, so it was a short window of error given customs and potential flight delays. But thankfully, everything went extremely smoothly. The flight was on time. There was literally no line at customs. We got a cab and arrived at the expo at around 2:00. Phew. 

The expo was great. Unlike most races in the U.S. that have stopped giving out real goodie bags, this marathon and expo had plenty of free stuff to give away. And everyone was so nice! Also, the physical ChampionChip was being used instead of a B-tag or D-Tag which was a blast from the past. I have to admit I always preferred the actual chip because it seemed more reliable than a flimsy strip of paper.

One of the volunteers at the expo even drove us back to our hotel! Because the expo was located in a suburban area, we weren't able to get a cab. They tried calling us one, but it never showed up, so a really nice young man personally drove us to the hotel. We were there in time to get several hours worth of rest before going back out for dinner.

Race morning arrived and Greg and I did our pre-race routine: bagels, bathroom, bibs. I had hydrated really well in the week leading up to the race and had been taking Salt Stick Caps to help maintain electrolyte balance. This worked well for me in Chicago so I figured I would do it again. I used to drink G2 and Pedialyte, but I didn't need all the extra "stuff" in those drinks. I just wanted water + electrolytes. No flavor needed. 

I felt really bad for Greg because the iPod that I had charged for him, filled with a playlist that I made for him, was completely dead. I have no idea how it happened, but the newest version of the Shuffle is a piece of junk. I had to read multiple online help articles to figure out how to get a playlist to play in order, and the design is not at all intuitive. I offered him my iPod, but he told me he'd go without music. Also, his Garmin didn't charge overnight because the outlet was broken, so we only had about an hour to charge it, starting from 0 percent. He handled both of these technology failures well and didn't stress about them. We were only able to get his Garmin to 57% before it was time to leave for the start line, but figured that was enough to make sure he could pace the first half properly, which is what is most important.

It was 41 degrees and very windy. We both had throwaway hoodies that we ended up wearing for the first two miles. I knew the wind would be a factor in the race, but I was hopeful that it would primarily be a tailwind. The wind was out of the WNW, and the course was a net east, but there was a lot of back-and-forth running and turns along the way that I was mentally preparing for.

There were no corrals, but the race seemed relatively small so I wasn't worried about crowding. The marathon actually had less than 800 runners. It felt much bigger than that, though, because we started with the half marathoners and there were at least twice as many of those. 

It was pretty cool to hear the Canadian national anthem at the beginning of the race. There were very few Americans in the race and looking at the results afterwards, the majority of the other Americans were from upstate New York. Greg actually grew up in upstate New York and had never even heard of Mississauga until I told him about this race.

Pacing Strategy

The plan was to run the first half in around 1:50-1:51 and the second half in 1:48 or faster. I planned to run the first six miles at a pace of around 8:30-8:35 and then speed up. I had enjoyed a two-minute negative split in Chicago and felt great at the end, so I figured I would try the same approach here. My time goal range was 3:35-3:45.

Miles 1-6

The race was actually measured in kilometers-- 42.2K. It was pretty cool to have kilometer markers instead of mile markers because there were more of them. However, I paced the race based on miles and I had my Garmin to tell me what mile I was on so that I could execute a pacing strategy that I was familiar with.

I decided to listen to music during the race since it worked so well for me during Chicago. In fact, about half of the playlist was an exact repeat of Chicago to bring back those positive memories. I spent these miles taking in the scenery, relaxing and just enjoying the race. I noticed the wind, but the course was relatively sheltered at this point, and the winds weren't as strong as they would be later in the race. About 15 mph during this early portion.

The Mississauga course advertises itself as a net downhill course, which is true, but very deceiving. The net downhill occurs within the first 10 miles and then the rest of the race is rolling hills. My coach always advises runners in the Boston marathon to run the first half very conservatively, despite all of the downhills. I took this advice and tried to restrain myself on the downhills but at the same time, I did want to take advantage of them.

Mile: 1: 8:35

Mile 2: 8:32

Mile 3: 8:16

Mile 4: 8:32

Mile 5: 8:31

Mile 6: 8:20

Miles 7-13

The half marathoners turned off at around mile 8, and the crowd really thinned out. But I preferred it with fewer people because I liked knowing who was in my race. Mile 7 featured a long hill, which I

wasn't expecting. That would be the first of many uphills that you don't really see when looking at the course elevation profile. Typically in races I run an even effort so I slow down on hills, but yesterday I decided to try and keep an even pace, knowing that the hills would be tough, but that I would recover from them. I think my reluctance to push up hills in the past was due to my fear that I would expend too much effort and then blow up. But yesterday I had a great deal of confidence and my goal was to push through the hard stuff. Which meant toughing it out on the hills. Which I didn't really expect many of! 

About 8 miles into it, I realized that I did the "work" of restraining the pace early on that would set me up for a negative split. Most mistakes in the marathon are made within the first 10K, and I felt like I had done a great job of being conservative early on. I ditched my throwaway arm warms and gloves as the sun rose and the temperatures climbed into the upper 40's.

The scenery during this part of the race was really nice. We ran through some residential areas with beautiful houses and I found myself really relishing the experience. Waving to people, smiling, and just feeling a huge sense of happiness. I was carrying a water bottle, which I stopped to refill during mile 10. This took about 30 seconds, which I figured was worth it because it would be my only stop during the whole race. 

Mile 7: 8:48

Mile 8: 8:12

Mile 9: 8:19

Mile 10: 8:42 (re-fill water)

Mile 11: 8:31

Mile 12: 8:26

Mile 13: 8:15

Miles 14-20

I felt amazing during miles 14-17.  I saw people holding Boston signs and I thought to myself "I'm going to Boston!" and this huge excitement swept over me. Everything was great. No stomach issues. No anxiety issues. Legs felt strong. Everything felt wonderful. Okay, yes, there was a tailwind and a downhill. But to feel so great at mile 17 of a marathon was awesome! 

During these three miles, I noticed two runners with marathon bibs running on a path alongside the road

in the opposite direction. I wondered if they dropped out and why they were running the course backwards. And then I saw more runners on that path. And then it hit me-- pretty soon, this nice downhill/tailwind combo would turn into an uphill/headwind combo. That was a scary thought. I put it out of my mind and told myself I would deal with it when I encountered it.

I saw Greg at around mile 16 as he was on his way back and I was wondering how he was coping with going in the other direction. At the turnaround there was a sign that said something like "Sorry-- just a little out and back." That made me smile. I think it was about three miles out and three back. 

I turned around and things started out okay but it wasn't long before the 20 mph headwinds came. I tried drafting, but I found that I was wanted to run faster than the people I could draft off of. I kept passing people instead of drafting. This was both good and bad. Finally, there was a guy in a bright orange windbreaker who I was able to draft off of. Unfortunately, it didn't really work. I didn't feel any relief from the wind by being behind him and his windbreaker. 

This mile 18 was when I started to really push. Unlike with Shamrock, I had no thoughts of "this sucks" or "this is unfair" or "this is so hard" or "there goes my sub-3:40". I didn't think about it. I just ran through it. I didn't even need to tell myself anything mentally. I just kept listening to my music and kept running. My mind was pretty quiet as I just pushed through the wind and up the long hill, passing people one by one. 

Finally, at mile 19, we turned around and I let out a huge sigh of relief. Orange windbreaker guy looked back at me and I smiled.

Mile 14: 8:13

Mile 15: 8:16

Mile 16: 8:22

Mile 17: 8:16

Mile 18: 8:47 (20mph headwind)

Mile 19: 8:24

Mile 20: 8:38

Miles 21-Finish

I did not like how the course was setup during these last miles. There were so many turns and hills and I prefer longer stretches where I can see far out in front of me. Greg later told me that he liked the variation of so many turns and weaving through the area, but for me it was mentally draining to keep having to change direction and from road to path back to road and then path. We ran down by the water,

which was beautiful, but only for about 5 minutes at time before we were routed away from the water and back onto the streets. Because of the continued back and forth, there were a lot of hills, which I wasn't anticipating. And it also meant that we spent a lot of time running into the 22 mph headwind. 

So many people were struggling. I passed people who were walking up the hills and people who were doing the survival shuffle. Orange windbreaker guy stayed strong and I kept him in my sights at all times. Not a single person passed me after mile 17, and I'm very proud of how smart I ran. I glanced down at my Garmin and saw that I had an 8:29 pace average for the race. I was hurting pretty bad and the wind was really taking it out of me bit I did not want that number to slip too much. I had gotten this far with it, and I was going to do whatever it took to hang on. I took my last gel at mile 21 (which ended up having bits of the wrapper in it) and then ditching my water bottle. It felt great to not have that in my hands anymore as I used my arms to push up hills and against the wind.

The last three miles were so mentally exhausting because of all the curves and turns. I just wanted to zone out and run in a straight line. I didn't like not knowing where I would be going. But never did a negative thought enter my mind. I just kept pushing. I was definitely hurting and worn out, but I was going to give 100% and have no regrets.

Even with 0.2 miles to go, I still couldn't see the finish line! But I gunned it anyway, running the last 0.2 miles at a 7:46 pace. They called my name right before I crossed the finish line and it felt amazing!!!

Mile 21: 8:24

Mile 22: 9:10

Mile 23: 8:35

Mile 24: 9:14

Mile 25: 8:44

Mile 26: 8:53

The Finish

I finished in 3:43:44, which is a PR by over 4 minutes! I was thrilled to finally see some major movement on that marathon time. 

This was a much more challenging course than I expected. I thought it was going to be flat during the second
half, but instead it was hilly. I didn't think the 22 mph winds would be headwinds for as much of the

race as they were, but I pushed through. I am super proud of myself for hanging in there, never having negative thoughts and just pushing all the way through to the end. That's what this sport is all about.

I didn't qualify for Boston, which means I will have to wait until 2016 at the earliest, but I am totally cool with that. And hey-- if this was two years ago before they changed the qualifying standards, it would be a BQ. 

I ran the first half in 1:50:58 and the second half in 1:52:46. This is a positive split by less than two minutes, which by some schools of thought, is actually the ideal amount of fade at the end. I had been trying to negative split, of course, but I will certainly take this.  The second half of the race was windy and hilly, whereas the first half of the race was a net downhill and the winds had very little impact. I looked at the half marathon splits of those who finished around me, and most of them ran the first half significantly faster than I did. Some as fast as 1:40. It was an easy day for a bonk, which I did not do!

My major takeaway is that I am finally at a place with my marathoning where I am feeling confident and relaxed going into the races and not afraid to face wind, hills, or heat. 

Up next: The Columbus Marathon in October.  

      

Attitude Adjustment

It's very tempting to write a post that recaps my training over the past few weeks, complete with split times and mileage totals, but I'm going to tackle a different subject matter.

I've had many, many successful training cycles. Suffice it to say, I'm good at training! I'm very consistent and dedicated to running and I have been since day one. In the past four years, none of those training cycles resulted in a good marathon. None of them. So I'm not going to address my progress with this cycle (at least not in this post) because it's not the kind of progress that I really need at this point.

I need a healthier mindset. I've been working on this for about two years now, but change doesn't happen over night, so I'm still working on it. What do I mean by "healthier mindset"? When I met my husband back in 2009, my attitude about running was as such:

• Followed a training plan to the letter and was disappointed with myself if I didn't make my weekly mileage goal.
• Didn't listen to my body and would do all runs as scheduled, even if I was tired or I felt an injury coming on.
• Very focused on time as the only indication of a good run or race, disregarding how the run felt
• Very competitive with others and frustrated when I saw other people get faster at running while I wasn't progressing as much.
• Everything in my life revolved around my running. It was my top priority.
• Needed to "prove to others" that I was fast
• Had to qualify for the Boston marathon because that was the ultimate determination of whether or not I was a fast marathoner.

Doesn't sound like much fun, does it??? A lot of this is deep within my personality, and I don't intend to change who I am at my core. I will always be competitive, dedicated and self-critical. I will always care about how others perceive me. But the extent to which I allow these elements of my personality overtake my mindset and ultimately wreak havoc on my marathons can certainly be lessened.

So what progress have I made in this journey? Although I've always known that my running had an unhealthy aspect to it, I didn't see it as problematic until May 2010. That's when I realized I needed to make some changes.

Stage 1: Drop the BQ Mentality
Ever since I ran a miserable race at the Bob Potts Marathon back in May 2010, I realized that my attitude needed some major work. I had been obsessed with qualifying for Boston and every time I didn't qualify, I'd feel cheated because I trained so well and knew I was shape for the time required. I had gone into every race over the past two years with high expectations and when something went wrong, like the weather, it would just be a huge blow to me. I later realized that the weather was only one factor contributing to my bad marathons-- the pressure I put on myself to qualify for Boston was also wearing me down.

I was able to just say "screw Boston" and focus on running the best marathon I could. The qualifying standards for Boston got faster and I didn't care. In fact, I was glad they did because the race was filling up too quickly. I didn't really look at it as pertaining to me. It was just something else going on in the running world-- it didn't relate to me because I was doing my own thing.

In the fall of 2010, I ran the NYC marathon alongside my husband as his first marathon. I obviously wasn't trying to BQ there. A month later, I ran the St. Jude Memphis marathon without a real time goal, but the race was ruined anyway by digestive issues. And then came the multiple stress fractures, so there was no marathon in the Spring of 2011.

Stage 2: Ditch the Training Plan
The stress fractures, ironically, were very good for my running career. Because of them, I was introduced to pool running and regular swimming and I learned that I could keep up my fitness even without running for 4+ weeks. If I could go for 4+ weeks with just pool running and elliptical, surely I could do that for a few days if something in my body felt "off".

I now felt like I was no longer dependent on a rigid training cycle to keep fit. The best approach would be to take things one day at a time and see how I felt. That's how I approached my comeback from the stress fractures, and it's how I've been training ever since.

Along with ditching the training plan and adding pool running + swimming came a lower weekly mileage average. In 2008, 2009, and 2010, I would typically average my training cycles in the low 50s and peak right around 60. And I was obsessive about getting that target mileage every single week.

No more! Starting last summer I began training with Capital Area Runners, and the coach prescribes weekly intervals and tempo runs, but the rest is up to me. This approach to training has taken the pressure off. I take things one day at a time. I often even start my runs not knowing how many miles I will run or how many intervals I will do. I just go by feel. It's been great not only for my body, but for my mindset because the pressure has diminished.

Lately I have been averaging in the high 30s/low 40s, but the runs have been more focused on quality than they had been previously. Most importantly, I don't care about what the specific mileage total is. I like to look at it in my training log and be aware, but I attach no value to the number.

Stage 3: Have No Time-Based Expectations
When I ran the Milwaukee Lakefront marathon last fall, I had come a long way in changing my attitude. I had no time goal, I didn't care if I qualified for Boston, I hadn't obsessed over my training. I went in feeling confident and just knowing I would nail it.

The problem was, everything was now "perfectly aligned" for me. Wait. . . that's a problem? Well yes. Today was the day. I had so many issues with illness and injury and weather and finally I had the perfect day where I was in great shape and the weather was cooperating. Despite not having a time goal, I just felt like I had to do well. My marathon time just had to line up with what my shorter distances had been predicting for years.

But the race was a complete disaster. I went out slowly and the only explanation I could find was that I had stressed myself out too much and didn't get the sleep I needed in the weeks prior.

It's hard to have no time-based expectations. I know where I am at fitness wise. I know exactly the time I "should" be able to get. How do I just ignore that?

By telling myself that nothing is guaranteed in the marathon. Nothing. I've learned it the hard way.

There is still more "attitude work" needed with this cycle. Truthfully, I know I will always be competitive and driven so I will never go into a race completely stress-free. It's just not in my nature. I've really enjoyed the low-stress attitude that I've been having toward my training lately, so I am going to try and bring that with me on race day. I'm actually trying not to even think about race day. I would love to just wake up one morning, prepare myself to drive to a long run with my team, and then have my husband tell me we're actually going to a marathon instead.

Race day is just another training run. The only difference is that when it's over, I get a week-long break from running!

I'll return to blogging about my workouts soon enough, I just felt like writing another one of those "OMG it's going so well posts" wouldn't be very significant. Training almost always goes well and it's not where I need to improve.

Expectations

Today wasn't what I expected it to be. After waiting over a year since my last marathon to try again, I was really expecting to blow it out of the water with a 3:35. Even so, my strategy was to start out conservatively (slower than BQ pace) and then negative split.

Expectations & Training Analysis:

All the signs pointed to a BQ (3:40) being attainable, with something like 3:35 being perfectly realistic.

1. In March 2008, I ran a 3:51:49. This was based on a 7-week training cycle, averaging about 40 miles per week. Since then, I have had quite a few marathon training cycles, each one peaking at 55 miles per week or more, and each one at least 12 weeks in length. I would expect significant improvement based on this training.

2. In March 2009, I ran a half marathon at 1:44:04. This predicts a marathon from 3:37-3:40, depending on whose calculator you use. This was over a year ago, and my fitness level has increased significantly since then, and I have continued to train with weekly mileage in the 40s and 50s.

3. Most recently, I ran a 5-miler in 37:10 and a 5K in 22:21. Both of these races predict times faster than 3:40. Although one could argue that you can't predict marathon times based on these calculators, I have always found my longer races (half marathons and full marathons) to be "faster" than their equivalent shorter races. In other words, endurance is my strength. My body works aerobically at a higher percentage of max heart rate than most people, which correlates to better performance in longer races.

4. Two weeks ago, I ran 18.5 miles at an average 8:33 pace, and I had sped up during the last five miles to an 8:20 pace. I felt great, and I thought I could have continued at a 8:33 pace or faster for at least another 3-4 miles. This was despite the heat (in the 70's) and humidity.

5. The largest indicator was the fact that my paces per heart rate had dropped dramatically. I do all of my easy runs at a heart rate of 155-165. This is my "easy zone" according to a VO2 max test I took. With that in mind, my average training paces for the past 5 months have been:

January: 9:16

February: 8:59

March: 8:52

April: 8:45

May: 8:44

I figured that to BQ, I would only need to run 20 seconds per mile faster than my easy pace.

For "marathon pace runs" I would target a HR of 165-174. This would usually correlate to an 8:10 or sometimes faster. This heart rate zone is below my lactate threshold zone. Most importantly, it felt like marathon pace. Just a tiny bit faster than "easy".

Today's Race

I went into this race with a great deal of confidence. I wasn't sick or injured, and the weather was reasonable. It was in the mid 50's and overcast at the start and rose to the low 60's and sunny at the end. These aren't ideal conditions for me, but they are decent, and I didn't think they would make me bonk.

I started out at a very controlled pace. I reached the halfway point at 1:51:45, which is a slower average than BQ pace. I knew that the first half was a net uphill and the second half was a net downhill, so I did this purposely. I figured that I could easily log 8:10's on the way back and smash the BQ. Only that's not what happened.

Things did get much easier after the halfway point, and I logged an 8:16, 8:22, 8:17. But after that, I could feel myself starting to fade. 8:17 became 8:30 became 8:40 became 9:00 and so on. I knew at mile 16 that I wasn't going to keep the pace I needed to BQ, but I was still hopeful about a nice PR. This is very similar to how I felt in New Jersey last spring.

I was miserable. I was in so much pain and I didn't know why it got so hard for me. I was well hydrated (carried a bottle for most of the race) plenty of Gels, calories, etc. I had slept well the past few nights. I was a bit suspicious of that 18.5 miler two weeks ago, but that seriously felt "easy". Going into the race, I was a somewhat worried that I had missed my peak. I think I felt strongest in mid-April when I ran that 5K. All of my training was targeted toward a March 22 race, and then I just kept tapering, ramping up, tapering, etc. There was no structured "training plan" for today's marathon. I was just banking on the training I had been doing since September.

Even still, I don't think that any of this really explains what happened out there. Maybe the weather wasn't perfect. Maybe I missed my peak. But still-- I am in so much better shape than I was two years ago and yet I couldn't even beat that time!

In complete agony (both physical and mental), I crossed the finish line in 3:53:55. I do think this is a respectable time, but nowhere near what I am capable of. My fiancé was waiting for me, and I knew he understood exactly what I was going through. I didn't need to say a word. I was in shock, I was drained, I was in pain-- I felt broken in so many ways. I didn't speak for a good 10 minutes. I regretted not having gone for the PR two weeks ago. I regretted not "racing" the GW Parkway 10-miler at full effort when I was feeling amazing. I felt stupid. I felt I had sacrificed so much for this one goal, and I didn't even come close.

I started crying. I just felt so crushed, so defeated and so ashamed for having been so cocky. Guilty, even, for having solicited the support of so many of my runner friends. And that I let them down.

The race director approached me and asked me how I did, I just looked at him with tears in my eyes and said that I didn't do it. (He had known he was a BQ attempt for me). Everything I had worked so hard for. . . it all came down to this.

I met my friends shortly after and I perked up a bit.

What I Learned

Maybe there was a higher power at work trying to teach me something by not letting me BQ or PR. Part of the reason I wanted this so badly was to cross it off my list and move on. I've been obsessing about it throughout my entire engagement and it's overshadowed the happiest time of my entire life! I guess what I've learned is that BQ or no BQ, I need to change my focus. I am extremely motivated and goal-oriented-- and it typically "works" to get me what I want. But for some reason, not in this case. And I think that reason is that I need to see the bigger picture of my life, appreciate what I have, and focus on all the wonderful changes.

As with all of my best races, it will come when I least expect it to. The week before I ran my 3:51 back in 2008, I thought I was seriously injured. I thought I'd probably have to drop out at mile 5. But instead, I exceeded my goal. In London, I was also injured and expected to drop out. But instead, I exceeded my goal. When I ran the Houston half marathon in 2008, I had been injured for three weeks, and I expected a 2:00 "fun run". Instead, I PRed with a 1:50. Completely unexpected. Two weeks ago, I wasn't even trying to run a marathon, but I ran a good percentage of it at an awesome pace given the weather conditions. When I least expected it.

From now on I think I need to go into races with no expectations. I should know where I am at fitness wise and what to target, but ultimately, I need to realize that every race is a gamble, an unknown. No matter how much training you do or how great you feel, the race could still be miserable. Or, no matter how badly you feel or how unprepared you are, you could rock it! I put far too much pressure on myself and from now on I am just going to back off and let it happen. With that approach, do I worry that I won't be as motivated to train? A little. But I know I will be more balanced if I keep a more laid back approach to this whole thing.

So. . . . what next? I'm running the NYC marathon with my fiancé. He got accepted through the lottery and it's going to be his first one. I am running it for charity. I'm going to focus on raising the $3,000 for the Central Park Conservancy, and coaching him to his first marathon finish. NYC is not a course to PR on (very crowded, lots of hills) and my intention with this race is to enjoy it with my fiancé. I'll create a training plan for him, train with him, and then run the race with him. The BQ is going to be out of sight and out of mind for awhile. I have a bunch of shorter races between now and then and I am just going to get out there and see what happens.

40 seconds.

Background
I ran my ninth marathon on Sunday—the New Jersey marathon on the Jersey shore in Long Branch. This was the first marathon I have ever repeated, and I did so because it was well organized, flat, had great weather in 2007 and I had quite a few friends running it. To get to the punch line, I had a horrible race which resulted in me being taken into the medical tent at the end and didn’t come close to my goal. I was hoping to qualify for the Boston Marathon, so I needed a 3:40 or faster.

I’ve been working toward this goal since June of last year. In March of last year I ran a 3:51:49 on about seven weeks of training, averaging 40 miles per week. I figured that if I did an 18- week training program averaging 50 miles per week, I could dramatically improve my time. The problem with this plan was that instead of being just 18 weeks, it ended up being about 11 months.

My original BQ attempt was supposed to be in October of last year, but I was sick for four weeks leading up to the race so I didn’t run it. I immediately resumed training for the Arizona marathon in January, but I didn’t BQ there because of the heat, cramping, and foot issues. I recovered from that in three weeks and immediately jumped back into training for the NJ marathon. When all was said and done, I had been training to BQ for nearly 11 months, with an overall average of about 50 MPW, peaking at 61 in March.

In my mind, this was a good thing, and all of the training would certainly drop my time way down, in comparison to the training I did for my 3:51 back in March 2008. But I now realize that it was probably too much and as, Amy, a runner who I respect very much, said, “You probably missed your peak,” and that I needed an off season.

But my personality isn’t like that. When I have a goal in mind, I work and work and work at it until it’s achieved. I never felt run down during training (except for when I was sick last fall). I was never injured, and I enjoyed every training run. I wasn’t over-trained in the traditional sense of hating running and getting slower times, but my body probably needed a break at some point in order to be able to perform at maximum capacity on race day.

If I had to identify my “peak” it was probably in mid-March of this year, when I ran the Shamrock half marathon and broke my November PR by nearly 5 minutes with a 1:44:04. I felt amazing that day and that half marathon felt easier than any other half I had ever run. I am kicking myself for not doing the full marathon that day, but I guess hindsight is 20/20.

Pre-race 
This race had nearly doubled in size since I ran it two years ago. It was a marathon, half marathon and relay with about 9000 runners. The city was just too small to accommodate all of these people. We were told to park in a satellite lot and take shuttle buses to the start. The buses were an hour late, and I was panicking as I stood there waiting, wondering if I would get to the start on time.

The buses finally did come all at once and there was mass confusion as everyone scrambled to get on a bus. Then the bus drivers didn’t even know where we were going or where to drop us off. Because of all this confusion and the traffic getting to the race, the start was delayed by 30 minutes, which meant 30 extra minutes of standing out in the cold. The rain didn’t start until about 15 minutes into the run, but had we started on time, we would have had an extra 30 minutes of dryness, which would have helped me immensely.

Miles 1-10
I need an 8:24 average pace to BQ, and for the first 10 miles, I was perfectly on pace. I didn’t go out too fast and I ran my own race. The 3:40 pacer was in my sight for these miles, but the pace group was going slightly too fast for my liking. Everything felt great. Marathon pace felt like a 9:30 training pace, just as it should be. It felt like all my other good marathons when the first 10 miles were a walk in the park and I could easily hit the pace with each mile:
1- 8:30
2 -8:20
3- 8:17
4- 8:28
5- 8:14
6- 8:21
7- 8:17
8- 8:22
9- 8:31
10- 8:19

Miles 11-15
At mile 11, the pace didn’t exactly feel “easy” anymore so I started to get a little bit worried. I knew I could continue to hold that pace, but based on previous marathons that had gone well, I felt like I was working too hard for it to just be mile 11. But I told myself to “trust my training” and I knew I had trained for this. I crossed the halfway point in 1:49:49, which was just about perfect. It allowed for just a slight slowdown in the second half, but I hadn’t really “banked” time. I had a burst of energy crossing the halfway point with the crowd cheering for all the half marathon finishers. I still felt decent at this point, unlike in Arizona when I felt like I needed to quit the race at mile 16. It’s just that I needed to run at a slightly slower pace. I figured if I could just run sub-9:00’s for the rest of the race, I could set a decent PR and maybe run around 3:45. So the notion of a PR kept me going and I kept thinking positive thoughts.

I didn’t focus on the fact that I would miss the BQ I just told myself to continue at this easier pace and hold it for the rest of the race. At this point, I had lost the 3:40 pace group entirely and I knew they must be going much faster than they should be. Normally my “sweet spot” in a marathon is miles 12-18. That’s when I really hit my stride and that’s usually where the fastest miles are. But yesterday, I started to feel more tired as I hit mile 14 and then 15. I knew this was a problem and by mile 15, I realized that a BQ was highly unlikely.

11- 8:25
12- 8:19
13- 8:27
14- 8:24
15- 8:56

 Miles 16-21
When I got to mile 20, I realized that I was feeling pretty bad and that sub-9:00’s for the rest of the race wasn’t going to happen. The rain was coming down harder and I wasn’t having fun anymore. I knew that one of my friends, Audra, would probably pass me at mile 22, and she ended up passing me during mile 21. She looked so strong and I called out her name. She was going faster than me but looked so happy and she had so much energy in her. She looked like how I felt during my previous marathons at mile 21 when they had gone well.

I remembered back to the Richmond marathon at mile 22 when I ran into a friend and told them how awesome I felt. But today was completely different. She ran past me and I kept her in my sight for about a mile and used her as inspiration until she faded away.

16- 8:46
17- 8:54
18- 9:11
19- 9:03
20- 9:05
21- 9:34

Miles 22-finish
I felt so awful during this last stretch. I knew that if I could just stay in the low 9:00’s I could get a PR. All of the runners looked like they were hurting at this point. As much as I was hurting, I was still passing people and I probably looked a lot stronger than I felt.

The rain was coming down steadily and I was cold and miserable and not having any fun. I just wanted to get to the finish line so badly. I removed my headphones at mile 24 because the music was no longer motivating me. I looked at my watch as I passed mile 25, and it said 3:39. My ability to do math was completely shot to death at this point, but I knew that if I ran a sub-10:00 pace for that last 1.2, then I could still get a PR. I knew it would only be by a few seconds, but I needed to salvage this race. I trained too long and too hard to not even get a PR out of the race.

I was fueled by anger. It had been over a year since I PRed in a marathon and yet the past year of my

life had been consumed by marathon training. I needed a PR so badly, because I knew I would be so depressed if I couldn’t even get that. During the last mile I became delirious. A friend from Runner's World who had done the half was yelling to me from the parking lot way off of the course. I knew it was her and I screamed back “help me! I need you! Help me! I need!” And I pretty much was saying that for the last quarter mile until I got to the finish line. I knew she couldn’t hear me, but for some reason I just kept saying it. I was losing my mind.

I didn’t hit a “wall” like I did in Arizona. In Arizona I felt like at mile 15 I just slammed into a brick wall. This was a gradual slowdown. It felt wall-ish towards the end because it was so hard, but the most walking I ever did was during mile 25, for maybe about 15 seconds. In Arizona, I walked for a good portion of the second half. I was proud of myself for continuing to run, even as the possibility of a PR was slipping away.

22- 9:21
23- 9:25 2
4- 9:30
25- 10:17
26- 9:47
0.2 (9:14 pace)

I crossed the finish line in 3:51:09 according to my watch. This was a PR by 40 seconds. I was relieved that I got my PR, but it was still a “3:51” so essentially it’s the same time. But I need to remember how hard I worked for it to be a 3:51:09 as opposed to 3:51:49, and then those 40 seconds mean the world to me.

The finish and medical tent
I immediately stopped dead in my tracks after crossing the finish line and couldn’t take another step. I don’t really remember much about what happened next but that all the medical people wanted me to sit down in a wheelchair and I refused. The next thing I knew, I was in the wheelchair anyway being taken to the medical tent. I must have been drifting in and out of consciousness because I don’t really remember much about getting into the medical tent. I heard the EMT guys tell the doctor that I was passing out and that they put me in the wheelchair as I was passing out. I thought to myself that these people were nuts and I was perfectly fine.

In my head I felt completely rational and okay, but yet I couldn’t talk and couldn’t sit up straight. I felt extremely weak and helpless. They took my vital signs, and they were all fine. Soon after, my friend Randi was brought into the medical tent and I called out for her, but I couldn’t get her to hear me. Eventually I got her attention. “Did you BQ?” she asked and I shook my head and said “no.” The medical people were asking me all sorts of questions and I just was not able to properly communicate the answers. Turn out I had hypothermia. My clothing was soaked and I was shivering vigorously. Randi told me that my face was white and I had zero color, but that my lips were blue. They said I needed to get out of the wet clothing immediately, but they didn’t have any dry clothing and nor did I. They gave me a huge blanket, which helped. The only reason they let me leave the tent was because they knew I needed to get out of those wet clothes ASAP.

I got out of the tent and it was pouring. My checked back was in the hotel which wasn’t too far away, but I couldn’t make it there. Some guy saw me shivering and flagged down a cop car to drive me to the hotel. I could hardly move and I couldn’t talk.

Final Thoughts
I always put 100% of myself into anything that I go after, so it’s going to be challenging to back off for the next few months and realize that the BQ probably won’t come until my December marathon. And even then, I risk too hot, too cold, or getting sick/injured. It just seems so easy for other people, and I just can’t seem to get my body to do what I want it to do, and what I know it CAN do.

I feel like Goldilocks and the three bears “The marathon is too hot” and then “This marathon is too cold”. From heat exhaustion to hypothermia and nearly a year of training, to shave just 40 seconds from my marathon time. The whole thing is extremely disheartening. I know I need a break from marathon training and an ‘off season’ but I just want this so badly. I know I can do it. Back when I was setting PRs with each marathon everything seemed so easy. But I guess back then, I was setting “soft” race goals for myself and then smashing those goals. Who knows what would have happened yesterday if my goal was a 3:45? Or even to simply break 3:50?

I know that I ran my best race out there. I trained hard, I pre-hydrated, I tapered, I paced the first half correctly, and then I ran so hard I passed out at the finish. I gunned it at the end when I thought I had nothing left for a 40 second PR. So I am proud of myself for how I ran. I’m just extremely disappointed with how it all panned out and that after a year of hard work, and KNOWING that I am a much better, stronger and faster runner, I can’t get a time to reflect that.

I feel defeated, and I feel like the marathon has chewed me up and spit me out. But I love this sport, so I will endure.