Life changes

I got a new job.

For those of you who read my blog regularly, you will remember that I DNF'ed (did not finish) the Shamrock Marathon due to "life stress" occurring in the week leading up to the race. That life stress was actually GOOD stress, but it definitely demanded quite a bit of mental energy. I was exploring two opportunities at the same time (one early stage, one late stage), and there were a lot of unknowns. On top of all that, I was still performing at my current job. So when race day came, my body wasn't up for the task. This is why I wasn't too upset about it. I had other things on my mind.

I wanted to write a blog post to memorialize my experience at my current (now former) job. Just like writing a race report gives me closure on a race, I feel the need to express my thoughts and feelings about the job I just left.

What I did
I was the "Vice President of Demand Generation" at a large enterprise software company. My job was to run marketing programs that would generate brand awareness and leads for the sales team. I was responsible for digital advertising, email marketing, events, social media, content strategy and more. I was there for nearly three years and I managed a team that varied in size over the years from 10-25 people.

I was an executive, but I was not responsible for the entire marketing function. Communications and product marketing, for example, were run by other executives. My boss, the Chief Marketing Officer (CMO), was responsible for the entire marketing organization, reporting into the CEO. This CMO position was the role I eventually wanted to have, although at a smaller company. My career plan was stay at my current (now former) company for 3-4 years, and then become the CMO of a smaller technology company. And that's what ultimately happened.

On Halloween, I delighted the CEO with this costume

Some key accomplishments were launching a multi-million dollar digital advertising campaign across the Wall Street Journal, The Economist, Financial Times, and the New York Times, in addition to Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. I also built the internal process flow for how the inbound leads would be scored, routed, and contacted. I created the company's first marketing dashboard and reporting framework. I managed an advanced implementation of a marketing automation platform with sophisticated lead nurture streams. If you're not in marketing, you might not know what all this stuff is. It was important, but to me, my most important accomplishment was helping my team advance their careers.

Leadership
Being someone's boss is not a role I take lightly. That person's career is in my hands as well as their day-to-day contentment. They do need to take personal responsibility for this, but as everyone knows, if you don't like or respect your boss, then your work life becomes stressful and unpleasant. As a leader, I strive to provide enough guidance for my team to succeed, while empowering them to truly own their work. I'm also there to remove roadblocks, help them be as efficient as possible, and make critical business decisions (i.e. accept the risk). If someone is not performing, then my role is to set clear expectations, understand why they aren't being met, and work with the employee to turn things around.

I leaned on these women so much!

I've been managing people for about 15 years now, and no matter what my role or title has been, leadership has always been a top priority. If my team is successful, I am successful. And there was nothing more fulfilling at my previous job than helping my employees be successful.

Making a difference in someone's life is far more important to me than any job title. In part, it's how I define career success. If my team is failing, then I am failing. As a marketer, I am there to drive business growth. As a human, I am there to make a difference in the lives of other people.

This week, as I was saying goodbye to everyone, a number of people told me that I really made a difference. People told me that they appreciated my attitude, or that I helped them, and there is nothing I'd rather hear. I was well liked and well respected, and I take pride in that because I liked and respected all of them!

Relationships
The relationships I built made it very difficult to leave my company. In fact, I've never felt so emotional about leaving a job. And I've left quite a few! Not only was did I have an amazing team, but my colleagues were equally as awesome to work with.

They threw the best holiday parties

I've worked in environments where my relationships have not been as positive and I think the key difference is authenticity. I am a genuine person and it's difficult for me to put on my "game face" and not be my weird, quirky self. My colleagues were all similar. Within the marketing department, people weren't trying to undermine each other or point fingers. We all worked really well together and it was a FUN place to work. The commute was treacherous at times but it was worth it because I enjoyed being in the office. Whenever it was birthday, I would find my office decorated from top to bottom with zebras and stripes. Being surrounded by supportive, friendly, like-minded people is what made my company so special, and so hard to leave.

My colleagues came to my 40th birthday party. They were supportive when I was sick with mono last summer and had to take a month off. No matter what, I knew I could always count on them. And that's hard to give up. Of course we will all stay friends; the relationships don't end because I am leaving. But it's sad because I won't be seeing them every day.

Why I left
As I said above, my career plan was to stay 3-4 years and then become the CMO of a smaller technology company. Even though I hadn't been at my company for quite 3 years, the business environment was changing. I felt like I had learned all I could learn there and gained all of the experience I needed to get to the next level.

Recruiters regularly reach out to me, but a few months ago, I decided it was time to start exploring these opportunities. I knew exactly what I was looking for in my next role:

• Role: Head of marketing, ideally with the CMO title
• Size: Small to medium-sized (200-500 employees) with at least $15M in revenue
• People: Authentic, friendly, intelligent, down-to-earth
• Maturity: Marketing already in place, but a lot of potential for growth and optimization
• Location: No further away than my current job

I interviewed for two roles, one of which checked all of these boxes, and the other checked most of them. Part of my "life stress" a few months ago was figuring out which (if either) of these opportunities would be the right move for me. I ended up accepting the offer which checked all boxes, and I start next Wednesday, May 22nd. 

It would have been easy to stay at my job, which had become really comfortable. I had a good work-life balance and it wasn't too stressful. But above all else, I want to be challenged and I want my work to make an impact. I was making an impact on the people, but it wasn't always clear if I was making an impact on the business because it was so big. I strive to do both and I believe I will be able to do both in my new job. I also want to use my full range of marketing skills, not only demand generation. I worried that if I stayed too long in a demand-generation only role, my communications and branding skills would get rusty.

To be able to walk away from my beloved colleagues shows just how phenomenal of a career opportunity this move is for me. Chief Marketing Officer is a big step. Not only will I run marketing, but I will also have a seat at the executive leadership table. I know that I will be able to use my skills and experience to their fullest extent and form strong relationships with the people there.

This weekend I will run the Sugarloaf Marathon in Maine, and then return to my new job!

When the third time is not a charm: the Shamrock Marathon

Despite a spectator literally throwing lucky charms on me as I ran, my third attempt at the Shamrock full Marathon was not at all lucky. DNF #3 is on the books. But surprisingly, I'm not all that upset

about it. Considering my primary goal today was to finish strong, and I didn't do that, I'm handling the disappointment quite well.

For those of you who haven't been reading this blog for the past 9 years, I DNF'ed this race in 2010 and in 2012. I was registered for it in 2011, but was injured so that was a DNS (Did Not Start). I chose this particular marathon to get revenge on those DNFs.

My time goal was in the neighborhood of 3:12, which would be a PR by 3 minutes, at a pace of around 7:20. My training indicated that this was realistic.

Race Week
Even though we do everything in our power to make race week go well, it's not always possible. I was focused on eating healthy, avoiding germs, hydrating, and getting plenty of sleep. And while I thought I did all of that stuff well, I was unable to avoid stress in my life. This week was particularly stressful for reasons I won't address right now. I think I handled the stress well, but suffice it to say I had a lot on my mind, not related to running. And admittedly, I started to worry that the non-running stress would affect the race, so then maybe it became a little bit of a vicious cycle.

Greg and I drove down to Virginia Beach yesterday (Saturday). I wore my Boston Marathon jacket to the expo, which was significant to me. I remembered back in 2010 and 2012 when I went to the marathon expo, seeing people in their Boston jackets, wanting so badly to BQ. And simultaneously

feeling so wound up and anxious about the race because on both occasions, the weather was warm.

And now, here I was, with my 2020 BQ already in hand, and two Boston Marathons under my belt, showing up to the Shamrock expo. It was a good feeling. The Shamrock Marathon has great SWAG and a tempting selection of race apparel for sale at the expo. I couldn't resist a Brooks half-zip with the Shamrock logo since I am always looking for mid-weight half-zips. I was kind of worried that if the race went poorly then I wouldn't want to wear it afterwards. But then I decided if the race went poorly, I would associate the half-zip with the 2016 Shamrock half (a PR) since it didn't have a year on it!

After the expo, Greg and I went to check into our hotel. Since we are Gold members of Marriott, we were given a free upgrade to a large suite. This suite had a bedroom, a bathroom, a living room, a kitchen area, and two oceanfront balconies. A sweet suite! As such, I had plenty of room to stage all my nutritional items in the kitchen and my race outfit in the living room.

We then went out to dinner with our friends Hannah and Alex at the restaurant we ate at in 2016. It was fun catching up with them, and they announced that they were expecting their first child in October! I ordered the same meal I had the night before Rehoboth Beach-- chicken parmesan without the cheese. I felt calm, relaxed, and in a good mindset. I wasn't anxious or nervous about the race at all-- I was mainly excited.

Before the Race
I slept for about 7 hours, but it wasn't very restful. It was nice from about 8:30-midnight, and after that, I kept waking up. This is somewhat normal for the night before a marathon, so I didn't stress about it.

Our hotel was only 3 blocks from the start line. This is one of the reasons I love this race-- super easy logistics. We left our hotel room at 7:05 and then hung out in the hotel lobby until 7:15, allowing me to use the bathroom just 15 minutes before the race, which was ideal. I warmed up for about half a mile by jogging to the start line, and then around the start line. At this point, Greg left me so he could walk up a bit to stage his photo shoot.

At the start line, there were two separate Instagram runners who recognized me. It was really cool to connect with people "in real life" instead of just online. I felt pretty good and I knew I was ready to run a strong race. With three minutes left to go, I tossed my throw-away hoodie and watched the clock tick slowly to 7:30.

Miles 1-5
In a marathon, I always allow myself to run the first mile at whatever pace feels right. It's all about finding a groove and establishing a rhythm. I think I did pretty well here, as I was running around 7:35 without really trying. A 7:35 pace felt more like 8:15, so I took that as a sign that this was going

Mile 1

to be a great race. After the first mile (where I passed Greg taking photos), I ditched my throw-away arm warmers. It wasn't all that cold at 41 degrees and sunny, so I didn't need them. They were actually a $2 pair of Walmart socks that I cut the feet seams out of.

It was a little windy during the first two miles, but then we made a slight turn and it was fine. I just focused on staying relaxed and enjoying the race atmosphere. I didn't want to get too much into my head, so I observed the runners around me, and remembered when I ran the half in 2016, and it was pouring down rain with high winds.

The plan here was to be in the high 7:20's, but I wasn't going to force it. I wanted the effort to feel moderate for the first 10K, and I wasn't going to be a slave to the watch. A runner recognized me from Instagram and said hi. And I found myself running with her for this entire stretch. Sometimes she would take the lead, and then sometimes I would be in the lead.

Mile 1: 7:37
Mile 2: 7:34
Mile 3: 7:33
Mile 4: 7:26
Mile 5: 7:24

Miles 6-9
Everything had been going beautifully up until this point. And then we hit a strong headwind. I would estimate maybe 12-14 mph sustained. I was not expecting more wind until about mile 19 when we ran north again, since the forecast showed the wind coming from the north. But the wind was actually more eastwardly than it was northerly so those three eastbound miles were unexpectedly hard. I wish I had been more mentally prepared, but I adapted pretty quickly.  And by adapted, I mean I mentally adapted and didn't get frustrated. I did not physically adapt by slowing down. My plan was to start hitting marathon pace (7:20) at around mile 7, and I didn't want to back off that plan, despite the wind.

I really didn't want the wind to slow me down, and I told myself I could push through it. In hindsight, maybe that was a mistake because I was probably exerting too much effort too soon. You don't want to be straining at miles 7-8 in a marathon, and I was straining. Wind be dammed! I had a target pace to hit!

I was still running with my new friend during these miles. She looked really strong, so I told myself I must be just as strong if I am running that same pace. Ultimately, she she sped up and passed me in the 9th mile, but she was running the half and really going for it at that point.

Mile 6: 7:29
Mile 7: 7:26
Mile 8: 7:38
Mile 9: 7:34

Miles 10-13
Finally we were out of that wind. So now it was time to recover. I told myself that races have their hard stretches, but then you can recover and move on and feel good again. I took my UCAN shortly after passing the mile 10 marker and it went down okay. The great thing about that was that after drinking water with it, I could toss my bottle and not have to carry it any more. Surely that would make everything feel better.

So no more headwind, no more water bottle to carry, just nice and strong running. Well, it still felt unsustainably hard. Mile 11 felt more like mile 22, and no matter how positive I tried being, my body just wasn't cooperating. So. . . how to salvage the race? I thought to myself that it wasn't a PR day, but I could get my backup goal of 3:17:19. That's the date of the race! That would still be within my reach if I could hold a pace of around 7:32. Yes, new goal!

But by the time I got to mile 12, I started doubting that goal. And then I told myself not to even think about my finish time, but simply focus on finishing to the best of my ability. My main goal here was to finish strong, so all I needed to do was to keep running and keep doing my best.

And by the time I got to mile 13, I started to wonder what would motivate me to get to the finish line, since I was already feeling so beat up. I know. . . it would be my fastest "bonk" ever! When I crashed at Indy Monumental, I still ended up with a time of 3:43, so if I beat that, it would be a bonking PR! I saw my friend Cristina (who had run the half) cheering for me at this point, and that really perked me up. For like 20 seconds, things were really good.

Mile 10: 7:30
Mile 11: 7:40 (taking my UCAN)
Mile 12: 7:33
Mile 13: 7:51

Mile 14
And then I crossed the halfway point in 1:39:25. This was about 3 minutes slower than my target. Not a big deal, but I knew there was no way I could run another 1:39:25. Should I drop out? Absolutely not.  I've DNF'ed this race twice and my whole purpose here was to not DNF. I was going to finish

Mile 14

come hell or high water. Yes!

I knew I would see Greg just before mile marker 14, and I wondered if I should stop and consult with him. After all, I wasn't worried about my time anymore, so I could afford to stop for a brief conversation. Somewhere between the halfway point and mile 13.8 I began to wonder why I would be putting my body through the torture of a "bonk". What for? I already know I can run a 3:15 marathon, so I don't have anything to prove. And then it would take two weeks to recover and I wouldn't be in a great spot for the Cherry Blossom 10-miler in 3 weeks.

Hmmm. . . drop out and have a shot at a nice PR at Cherry Blossom, or keep going, have a miserable experience, and then sacrifice two weeks of training for Cherry Blossom. That made my decision clear: I would rather have one strong race than two mediocre ones. I had a marathon PR that I was really happy with, but I felt like I could really smash a 10-mile PR. So, once I got to Greg, we chatted about it, going back and forth.

I actually told him, "Wait here for 20 minutes while I attempt to run again and I will see how I feel." But after going maybe 1/10 of a mile, I realized what horrible shape my legs were in. It was as if I ran a half marathon at half marathon effort. It was pointless to continue. As much as I wanted the medal, and the hat, and the towel and the finish line glory; I knew that today wasn't the day for it.

After the Race
So, within a matter of about 30 minutes, my race took a turn for the worse and ended. After weeks and weeks of hard training, it all came down to 30 minutes that just didn't go my way. But that's how the marathon works and that's the allure of it.

When I think about what went wrong, I think it was probably a combination of the stress I had this week and fighting too hard against the wind so early in the race. Mile 8 is not a time to be fighting in a marathon. It's crazy because I feel like on any given day in training, I could have run this distance at this pace and not have felt so beat up. So potentially there was some mental aspect at play too.

And crazy though it may sound, I haven't done a long run in shorts and a tank since October, and maybe my body wasn't "used to" the low 40s. Sure, it's an ideal race temperature, but maybe it was a shock to my system since I am used to running in the low 30s? Unlikely, but possible.

Greg and I made our way back to the hotel. He didn't have my jacket or long-sleeved shirt because he was planning to grab that from the hotel before I finished. We had over a mile to walk, so to avoid being cold, I jogged back to the hotel at a pace of 10:30. As I did this, I saw all the marathoners running toward me. It was sad to see them all still in the game, and I had given up so early. But I stayed strong in my head and knew that I made the right decision for me.

Kind of an anti-climatic weekend after all this build up and planning. It's disappointing, but I knew going into Shamrock that it was a quick turnaround from Rehoboth. Potentially there wasn't enough down time in between but it was worth a shot. All along, I saw Shamrock as just "gravy" after how well I did at Rehoboth. I have my 2020 BQ and a marathon time that I'm super proud of. So I am not dissatisfied. I think I will be dissatisfied, though, if Cherry Blossom doesn't go well. I'm PR hungry, just not marathon PR hungry!

All in all, it was a fun morning. It just wasn't MY morning. And there are many other mornings to come.

DNF Aftermath

I've gotten a lot of feedback on my Shamrock experience and since my recap was rather grim, I feel the need to address some of the comments.

I'm not feeling much better about the situation, but I am going to continue running and training and doing what I love to do. I'm upset about this and I am going to allow myself to be upset until time makes it all better.

Most of the comments fell into three buckets:

Figure out what you do differently on marathon day so that you can address the issue and run great marathons.
My coach is in this camp. My response is that I'm fresh out of ideas. I don't do anything different on race day. Really the only difference is that I hydrate more, but I get plenty of electrolytes too, so I don't think I am over hydrating. I have the same shoes, the same nutrition, the same fitness level, the same sleep. I can't pinpoint anything, which is why I think there could be a subconscious mental aspect.

You had a bad day-- don't over analyze it. Just get back out there.
I could have said this in 2010. But it's happened so many times that there has to be something going on.

Focus on shorter distances (aka don't run marathons).
Shorter distances are great and I focus on them quite a bit. But I will continue to believe in myself and my ability to run a great marathon. I have done it many times before and I will be able to do it again.


I don't have any real solutions. I think the next time I run a marathon I'm not going to try and relax, I'm not going to try and "work" on my attitude. I am just going to be me. I am going to let myself feel whatever I feel-- anxiety, excitement, fear, longing. I'm just going to go with it.

And I'm going to wear headphones next time. All of my good marathons were with headphones. All of my bad marathons were without them. Somewhere along the way I told myself that it wasn't good to wear headphones during a marathon. Maybe I just need that music to get outside of my head and pull me along. I don't train with headphones because I am usually running with others. But when I run alone, I have headphones and I like it.

Time to get some sleep.